My husband and I were talking about a certain situation or more like massacre that happened to a certain country in 99 and many people were dead, and anyway, as the conversation went through I just wanted to test and see what he would say so I said, "They deserved it all,." but I actually didn't mean it, now he's looking at me in a different way, and I feel HORRIBLE but it was only a joke to start with, I couldn't wish anything like that to happen to even a fly, yet alone people. I'm trying to get over this and I cant...
No stupid answers please! I posted it here for a good enough reason!
2007-12-16 18:03:52 · 11 answers · asked by NY0120 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks, I tried saying that and he's over it, but I feel too guilty, I never talk like that I don't even know what got to me!
2007-12-16 18:10:00 · update #1
Ok, pplwatch, it wasn't something I meant to say and said it, it was just something unintentional. Anyway, he didn't seem to be mad after I apologized, we went through with a normal conversation, it's just that "I" felt guilty, it's not about "HIM."
Thx anyways.
2007-12-16 18:25:44 · update #2
You sound like your newly married. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about that experience and be totally honest.. Open communication is always the best course of action .
2007-12-16 18:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by Ed B 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What you said was wrong, indeed but your husband should forgive you as long as you apologize and are sincere about your apology.
It may take some time for him to forgive what you said because just imagine if a massacre happened around where you live and your child and husband and yourself die, is that saying that you all deserved it? I know you didn't mean it, but that's probably how your husband feels.. like how could his wife be so cold to say that all those innocent people deserved something bad to happen to them.. and the fact that you said that probably worries him about if you're cold-hearted.
Let him know that you meant nothing bad by it and that it was simply a joke, a joke that you never should have made to begin with. And, ask him if there's anyway that you could make it up to him.
2007-12-16 18:09:22 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you know stuff happened back in the day. You should not let that interfere with you and your husbands relationship. What happened was a horrible thing and it should not be something interfering with what you have with your man. We all say things we don't mean and wish we can take them back the second we say it. Butt we can't. So the best thing to do is move on and let it go and agree to disagree.
2007-12-16 18:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by Mark A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that you realize that it was a stupid thing to say, because it's not how you feel. Don't try to rationalize it as a joke. People often times say what they really mean, and then try to pass it off as a joke. It doesn't work. Just fall on the sword and let him know that you feel terrible because it was a terrible thing to say. Then offer to make some act of contrition, such as making a donation to a charity that works in that country.
2007-12-16 18:12:28 · answer #4 · answered by pplwatching 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Maybe he feels the same way you does "perplexed and troubled" that this could come from your lips.It's obvious that the two of you discuss many different issues and he believes that his wife's "heartbeat" is in perfect harmony with his own.You simply caused him to skip a beat, "yours".
He is in self- preservation mode now,(it will pass) and he's wondering, "are there things about her that I may have overlooked".......This to will pass.
2007-12-16 19:41:03 · answer #5 · answered by ROOSEVELT M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you were being stupid. It will pass over. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You can do what I do to my husband: Shut up. You know I was just joking.
2007-12-16 18:08:24 · answer #6 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you want to test him!? It's too late to take it back now, short of explaining what you meant. A massacre probably wasn't the right thing to joke about or test him on!
2007-12-16 18:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why not just say "That was a stupid thing to say, and I'm sorry, I didn't meant it at all" then let it go. Next time engage brain BEFORE putting mouth into gear.
2007-12-16 18:23:26 · answer #8 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It happens with all of us.We say something that we don't mean it and regret it for a long time.Try not to think about it,you need some time to forget about it.
2007-12-16 18:18:04 · answer #9 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm sure you've learned your lesson and this is the reason why the motto "think before you speak" .. lol
It will get easier, trust me.
2007-12-16 18:14:18 · answer #10 · answered by Queenie` 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋