I'm positive that my mom is cheating on my dad. What should I do?

Question

About 2 months ago, my mom left me in the car for awhile so she could use the ATM. I was bored or something, and I don't know why, but I checked her phone's inbox. There was a ton of messages, like "your breasts were delicious" and things like that. That kept bothering me. This week, she kept texting while she was watching tv. Yesterday, I grabbed her cell phone when she wasn't in her room and I checked her inbox. There were even more messages from the same number. They all said stuff like "sex with you is very good" or "I'm hard as a rock" and it mentioned having sex with two other people I think are from my mom's job. Her outbox had lots of texts like "was it good".
I told my older brother because we get along really well. I'm 13 and he's 18. My parents would always talk about divorce & I always wondered why they never did. But 18 yrs, 4 kids later (1 autistic), and after kinda abusing us, my mom has to do this.

It's the holidays so my bro & I don't know what to say, or when.
?

My mom screams a lot. Hence the "kinda abusing us" part. Talking is kind of a problem...

She used to hit us a lot but she kind of stopped last year. She rarely does that anymore.

Answer 1

Shame on you for spying on your own mother like that. You don't know what has drove her to that or how your father treats her in bed. You need to forget what you saw and stop spying on your mother. I'm sure with 4 kids and a job and everything else she does it's very hard for her to find time for herself. You need to cut your mother some slack and realize that she is not only your mother but a person who needs to feel loved from someone else other then her kids.
Don't what ever you do listen to the idiot that said show the phone messages to your father. If you want to be the cause of your parents break up then by all means show your father. If i were you i would try my best to forget what you saw and have a good Christmas with your mom and dad. After the holidays talk to your mom about what you read maybe that will be enough for her to stop what ever it is she is doing.
You said your mom kinda abuses you like yelling, if you call that abuse it's obvious you don't know what real abuse is. I guess you and your siblings are angels and never do anything that would cause your mom to yell at you right?

Answer 2

You said you told your older brother about this but you did not say what his reaction was. I think you were right in telling him and hopefully he was as shocked as you are. Now I think it is time for both of you to take action. However, the one thing you do not want to do is tell your father at this point, it could cause more trouble then it might solve. You have some pretty good evidence, but it is not conclusive. It could be a game your mother is playing with someone, or perhaps your father is also in on this. It is doubtful either of those are true but there is more then one thing that could be going on here. So you and your brother should sit down with your mother what you know. This is also going to be difficult because you were sneaking behind your mother's back to get this information (how would you feel if your mother searched your room and found something she was not supposed to know?). When you are talking to her all you can do is tell her how disappointed you are that it appears she is cheating on your father, and what is she going t do about it. You will know from the conversation where this is going and what her intentions are going to be. You can encourage her to talk to your father and resolve this however they can. It will not serve any purpose for you to take sides, it is up to your mother and father to resolve this if they have not already done so. I think you can let your mother know it is a secret you can not hold in for too long so it is important to talk to your father. Let her know you love both of them no matter what, but she is making it very difficult. This is a difficult time for you, and I feel sorry for you that you are now involved and in the middle. They may or may not get divorced, but regardless it is going to make living in the house more difficult for you so you are going to have to rely more on your brother then ever before.

Answer 3

regardless of what has drove your mother to do this she is wrong and selfish for looking for attention from others than her family that she made a vow to protect and honor. She has hurt you, your siblings, and your father even if they know it or not and her actions only increase the problems that the family is having. you and your brother talk to your mom about what you know and how you found out. Be sure to tell her how this makes you feel and that you dont think it is fair to the family about what she is doing. If her and your father are having problems then they need to work them out or find accomidation that would be in the best interest for the family. Dont listen to Teenie either you are not wrong for seeing what you saw. My mother always told me if you cant take your kids there then you dont need to be there. I think that goes towards what your mom is doing if she didnt want you to know about it then she shouldnt have done it in the first place. If you want wait till christmas is over and sit your mom down with your brother for the talk dont tell your father that is your moms job to do that.

Answer 4

This is sad. I am not sure how to respond to this. If your parents were to divorce over this, would the situation for all of you children improve? Or would it make your life more difficult? Usually it is best for the family to stay intact and for the adults to work their problems to a good solution. It is terrible that a child has to be caught in the middle of this and has to make a decision.
Maybe you can get hold of your mom's phone and give it to your dad for him to see. But if your dad is prone to violence this may be a bad idea. Maybe he already knows and it's why they argue.
If you have a good relative you can trust, ask them for advice. There are so many factors involved her, especially all the children. It is difficult to give you advice not knowing what alternative choices you may have.

Answer 5

When I was 17 I saw my step dad out with another woman. I told my mother she ended up slapping me and I got thrown out of the house. It hurt when she didn't believe me, but I felt better knowing that I told her about his infidelity. It would have really killed both her and me if she knew I knew and kept it from her. If I were you I would write her a letter or better yet text her and let her know that you are on to her and give her a deadline to either fess up to the family especially your dad or you will, no matter what the consequences. That will show her that you can be more mature than she is too.

Answer 6

Your mother is obviously not happy in her marriage... and it's not your fault...

Neither is it your responsibility or obligation to confront her... Your parents know they have marital problems and don't need their kids to help them solve their issues. These are adult problems, and your parents need to address them.

I'm very sorry you are upset, and anyone would be!! I'd suggest leaving your mom's cell phone alone, to avoid further hurt and upset... and let your parents work this out.

if your parents have discussed divorce in the past, then they both know their marriage is on the rocks...

i'm sorry hon.... if you need to talk with someone, perhaps make an appointment with your school counselor? ask him or her for advice and help.

take care.

Answer 7

I waited an entire year to tell my mother that my father was cheating on her.. because he threatened to leave us all if I told. It was a bad decision to tell her at all. This has to be between the adults. I'm sorry it feels horrible for you, it feels like she cheated on you too, I know the feeling. But this is something that is better left unsaid. I know from experience as all the fighting and emotional havoc and everything that our family went thru after I told her was bad, bad, bad. Don't do it. If your dad doesn't already suspect, and obviously she's left clues for him to find out, then he unconsciously doesn't even want to know the truth. And if he uncovers it on his own, then it will be a better way for it to come out. Good luck with this. It's a difficult, delicate situation.

Answer 8

you mom is obviously going through some kind of crisis in her life that is causing stress and she is dealing with it the wrong way. make sure you have all you facts.... does she leave you for longer periods? is she out at night? is she actually doing all this or just texting about it? many people just have affairs on the internet or through phones calls and messages.

Her yelling is a result of stress and frustration at having four kids, one autistic and a unhappy life. talk to her, let her know what you know and find out why she is doing it.

Answer 9

First show her how to delete. Then have a one on one with her tell her what you saw and if she understands what her secrets could do to the family. but first know that in the grown up world people do lose site of what is important and some times and there is noting that can be done about it. So please prepare yourself for what ever the out come might be.

Answer 10

I had a similar situation to yours, so I sympathize with you completely. I was staying at my mom's house for awhile and I went to check my email on my stepdad's computer. I noticed that he left an internet explorer window open and I maximized the window to see what it was - I was shocked to see that it was an email address I had never heard of and when I explored the folders, I found emails that my stepdad had been having with a woman that he worked with. A woman, mind you, that was friends with my mom as well... a woman I had known for years.

I grabbed my older sister and we drove to her in-laws house, printed off the emails, and then went to the woman's house. We confronted her in her driveway (she denied everything, even though we read her their VERY DESCRIPTIVE emails) and told her that she better tell her husband before we did.

After that, because we acted on impulse, we weren't sure whether (or how) we should tell our mom. I waited until my stepdad had went outside and followed him and started reading one of his own emails to him... he flipped out on me, telling me it was his house (it wasn't, still isn't) and that he'd kick me the hell out for snooping, etc, etc.

That's how my mom found out - b/c of the fight I started with my stepdad. He got mad and went to bed in a huff and I sat down with my mom and talked to her about it.

I was in for a shock because she already had her suspicions. I wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know.

I'm sorry for the story, but my point is this... tell your dad. I don't know what kind of a woman your mother is, but your dad doesn't deserve what she's doing. You could talk to her first and give her a chance to tell him, but with how you say she yells and whatnot, she could just flip out on you. Your dad will appreciate your honesty, hopefully, if you go to him first.

I'm sorry you have to be going through this. It's an awful situation - I hope it works out the best it can!