Me and my husband have been married for 7 months now and iam to the point where iam done with all of the b.s. Let me start from the begining, We got married everything was fine up untill i had my daughter then he completely changed. I dont know if its a coinsadense or not but the day after i had her while i was still in the hospital he left me to go to the movies because he thought his birthday was more important. A week later he left to go back to florida because he is in the marines so he only had leave for a short time, but we were use to not being around each other b/c of him being away for bootcamp. but ne way he has been rude, disrespectful, and just completely annoying. example 1. He came home for the weekend & he was holding her & asked should he lay her down n i said sure it was real late, then she started crying so he picked her up n she was still crying n he said to her you getting put down and just that. meanwhile iam folding clothes & she is still laying there n he
2007-12-16 16:43:21 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try counseling first since you've only been married for a few months and you have a child as well, a lot has happened to you as well as to him in the last 7 months plus he has went to boot camp, maybe it wasn't meant for you two to get married a counselor will help you sort that out.......good luck!!!!!
2007-12-16 16:52:46 · answer #1 · answered by Greeneyes 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
If your not sure whether or not to get divorced then don't.
You two are going through MAJOR changes in a very short time (marriage, a new baby, a new career and lifestyle for him, and the separation that being in the military involves) and wondering why life isn't all a bed of roses? These are all major stress producers, and have copped them all in a very short time. Please give yourselves time to work through this.
You must tell him not to talk to you in a way that is disrespectful, certainly, but then must also do him the courtesy of the same. Did you tell him that he was "rude ...disrespectful...completely annoying"? That sounds argumentative to me.
You two must discuss (not argue) how you would like your child raised, what is important and what isn't in her care.
Believe me, as a mother of four, I can tell you for sure that he wasn't the only one to change - having a new life to take care of does that to women too. You both may be having a hard time coping with those changes a baby brings, and that is perfectly normal, each is handling it differently.
Also it can feel like your a single Mum when your partner is away a lot, so enlist the help of family, friends and other military wives for ideas on how to cope.
YOU CAN MAKE IT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE COMMITTED TO IT. No more "I might want a divorce".
2007-12-17 01:06:06 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are apart most of the time. He is not around to get use to the baby. These are the issues in your marriage. He isn't use to being a husband or father. It takes awhile to make adjustments to married life and then to be a father on top of it. You need to start communicating with your husband. Not yelling or telling him what he is doing wrong, but expressing your wants and expectations and let him do the same. Each person brings their own upbringing and own expectations into a marriage. Sometimes this isn't talked about and this erodes a marriage.
Military life is so much different than civilian life also. As far as putting a baby down that is crying, I've had 3 and sometimes that is really the best thing to do. Make sure they are fed, dry and not sick, but crying will not hurt them. I didn't do it alot, but my pediatrician kept telling me that it would help them know that it was time to go to sleep. It also helps them to learn how to calm themselves.
You guys are newlyweds and new parents. You are for the most part being both mother and father. It has to be hard for you, but you cannot really expect your husband to come home and know exactly what to do. He has to learn. If you want to make your marriage last, you both have to learn to communicate and compromise. Learn not to sweat the small stuff.
Good luck!
2007-12-17 01:03:37 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A new baby is a huge change in both of your lives. He may be feeling jelous (some men do!). I would would HIGHLY encourage you to try your best to save your marriage. It's not just you anymore, it's your baby!
Although his behavior is surely frustrating and ticking you off, try to work things out. I'd recommend you get a babysitter and just the two of you go out for a nice dinner. During dinner, spill your guts out but in a nice loving way. Tell him how you feel. Or if it's easier for you, write him a letter (google search love letter technique).
Keep in mind that the first year in marriage is definitely the hardest and most challenging because you both change as you get into a routine with eachother. DONT GIVE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT! I'd strongly suggest you read books that can help you ("Love and Respect" "Becoming the Woman of his dreams" and "Men are from Mars Woman are from Venus.") They have helped me so much you dont even know! The key is, first change yourself and then he will change. It's hard but dang worth saving your relationship and marriage.
Good luck, I hope you decide to read the books and I hope you make it through this rough time in your relationship!
2007-12-17 00:57:29 · answer #4 · answered by Micah 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They say if you can survive the first year of marriage then you can survive it all, my dh and I have just been married for a year and gone through sooo much and alot of b.s. but I love him and know he is my soul mate....is your dh your soul mate, and it is common to second guess things in the first year and especially after childbirth. I dont see anything wrong w/ him letting the baby cry, I let all 3 of mine cry its actually good for them. The bad thing about these types of questions is we on "answers" dont know the whole situation or both sides. This man is serving our country and is stressed in a totally dif. way then you are and vice versa the 2 of you need to come together as a married couple and talk..communication is the key to unlocking the hardest issues you may have.
2007-12-17 01:00:24 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
did ya'll get married b/c u were preg.? you already know if you want to divorce him or not, If you didn't want to divorce him you would have not asked this question. If your going to work it out do just that, ya'll been married for only 7mths. believe me it won't get too much easier down the line, marriage is not a breeze, you don't get married to have a smile every single day. marriage is compromises, you have to talk to him tell him how you feel. this new life is a huge change 4 u both. just know that communicating is the key to a good marriage.
Good Luck Sweetie
2007-12-17 01:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by puffy2step 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, first he is in the service (marines), they really don't put up with being spoiled (army). fresh out of boot camp, changing people by the way. he is better at telling people what to do than doing it for him/her (daughter). he has to adjust to it all. one thing about being in the service you hear a lot of stories of your wife/girl is cheating on you, that's Jody's baby not yours and stuff like that. maybe he is thinking about it, he might have to go overseas or thinks he do, scared about it put cant tell anyone because he is a man now and he is not suppose to have any feelings of weakness. could be resentment b/c the baby is there and she is getting more attention than him. it could b all of those things together and more. suggest you talk to him in a calming manner one night without the baby around if possible and see if he will open up. another thing is did you have a normal birth and was he in the room with you at deliver, that do have an effect on a man's psychological also. hopes this helps you and try this first b4 you go straight to divorce.
2007-12-17 00:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by fred 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think you probably should sit down with him and find out what the issue is. It's hard enough being without him for such a long period of time, it's even worse when he's there it seems like he isn't.
If he isn't willing to work at making the change, then you may have to leave. Sorry.
2007-12-17 01:00:36 · answer #8 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You already know you are not happy with this guy. I would try everything to salvage this marriage though because he really doesn't sound abusive he just sound immature. So many people believe that it is ok the just let the baby cry until they fall asleep. He might be one of those who think that way. He probably has no patience with her. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and how you are thinking of leaving him due to him not growing up.
2007-12-17 00:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well life is not a fairy tale any more know, try to work things out with him. To have this relationship you guys have to work 120 percent from each side.
You can break this relation ship anytime.
If you love a person you will like the way they do things but it gets worse when you don't like a person.
2007-12-17 00:53:50 · answer #10 · answered by Yahoolian 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋