I need to change who I am or my marriage won't last through the Holiday. I can't help but become a total ***** when the Hubby tells me NO. I start the fights over it, it's all my fault and It happens on a regular basis. I have two kids one with him and my oldest by another. I can't live like this. I don't have the heart to leave him because I love him and want to be with him.
Any tips? Do I need medication? How can I be happy?
2007-12-16 16:11:00 · 14 answers · asked by medevilqueen 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 28 married four years. I was a poor child i never got anything I wanted my mom worked three jobs with two kids. We I meet my hubby I was a single mother working two jobs. I know what is important. I am guessing he spoiled me and I never had that. Now owning a home with car payments and all other bills I know money is important and what it needs to go to. I put all their needs before mine, but once in a while i feel I need something for me. Even if it's not needed. It's always over money and this has gone on for years. I don't want to leave, I love him I want to be with him. I just don't know why I get all pissy when it comes to spending a little money.
2007-12-16 16:58:54 · update #1
its a serious challenge to work on yourself while in a relationship. In an ideal situation you would have done this work before hooking up with someone. However, you are there now and there is hope if you really want to change.
First, everything in the universe revolves around a single point. This is scientific fact. That point is not you. Another scientific fact.
You are prone to selfishness and the only answer is self-control and selflessness. The first involves keeping your mouth shut. The second involves going out of your way to give him what he needs until you can figure out what balance means. Figuring this out will come over months and you simply can't lose by putting other's needs first as it makes them love you.
No medication until you try to manage it without meds. However a good friend of mine has been on anti depressants for years and they have eliminated his anger issues so if you find that no amount of self-control or counseling works you should try meds.
I sincerely think you are just experiecing tantrums and practicing self-control (it does take practice) will solve the problem
All anger and sadness come from fear so to tame the beast ask what youre afraid of and when you address that fear the anger should disipate.
You may find it necessary to be alone to confront this in yourself. You aren't a bad person unless you allow it to continue.
Most folks have anger issues so just address it head on. It doesn't make you horrible. It makes you normal. It will make you horrible if you ignore it and it will destroy your relationship. Clue your husband into what you're working on so he can help you.
I imagine it is also affecting your children, so time for a change. I'll leave you with this: You can do this. You can change if you want to. It will take time but you can do it. LOL
2007-12-16 16:49:52 · answer #1 · answered by Dawnmarie K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't diagnose you and i think that if you are having emotional issues and problems accepting things about your life, it might be time to see a doctor... especially since this causes anger and arguments in your family....
Your doctor can give you a referral to a specialist (therapist?) if he feels you need that sort of assistance... I think it would not hurt.
Doctors have experience with people who have depression and mood issues, they see it all of the time. So please don't be shy about telling him what is going on in your life....
You might be happier if you start taking care of YOU properly.... and seeing a doctor is a good place to start.
another thing you can do is talk calmly with your husband and tell him what you said here -- that you know you start fights and that you feel it's your fault... and that you love and want to be with him... and apologize to him. Let him know you're trying to find an answer to your problems.
i hope you feel better soon. i can tell you i have a mood disorder and it's difficult to deal with sometimes... i have had to change the way i think and react... and while i'm talking about it, i'd like to add one more thing --- this worked well for me: before you say anything or respond to anything another person says or does COUNT TO 20 IN YOUR MIND first! this will help you stop and think about what you are going to say and how you are going to react... do it all the time, even when you are in a calm situation. You will be surprised how well it works with practice... i did this with my kids all of the time, and it helped quite a lot!!!
2007-12-16 16:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already recognize the problem. That is the first step.
Next .. you know you will do these things .. so stop them before they happen.
You have a choice. You don't have to do them.
Go talk to a doctor to see if you might need medication. I don't know your age .. but going through hormonal problems, the change of life, etc ... can make a woman act like this.
Know that you have the choice to do these things .. or not do these things ... and go see a doctor.
2007-12-16 16:25:50 · answer #3 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you see you need to seek help, Go see a therapist and find out what is causing the deep anger. Maybe find a church or minister you can talk to one who will pray for you and stand beside you, I know a person has to find someone to pull the plug and drain the pain. It sounds like someone needs to be the hero and take the first step. I will be praying for you!
2007-12-16 16:32:30 · answer #4 · answered by Rev.Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you know you need to change, so go to some counseling, get on some happy pills or something. It seems to me like your a spoiled little brat and need to stop and think before you talk. Take some deep breaths and count to ten before you yell.
2007-12-16 16:18:13 · answer #5 · answered by sun day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My verbally abusive father once told my mother that only money changes and one day she left him and he did change eventually when he realized that no one wanted to be around his abusive A**. He now lives in a nursing home and every time I talk with him he sound like good all santa with a that jolly big old smile. What I am trying to tell you is IT IS POSSIBLE if you want it bad enough. don't wait till you lose you family like my father did.
2007-12-16 16:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by riggie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you just need to change how he says no. I am not usually on the woman's side but this time i am believe it or not. He needs to approach it differently i don't ever say NO about anything to my wife. If i don't think she should do something or go or what ever i voice my opinion calmly and make it into a discussion but i don't just say NO. i don't blame you for getting pissed off or being a *****.
2007-12-16 16:54:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only one that can control your own self. In life we do not always get everything that we want. And we try to teach our children the same. Sometimes we are told no for any number of reasons. You must decide if you want your marriage enough to fight like that in order to keep it.
2007-12-16 16:24:33 · answer #8 · answered by eyescu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you act like a total biotch well that's you and you can't change. People think counseling can change another it doesn't help at all with marriage. You cant change someones personality they have to do it themselves. If your man doesn't like the way you act he shouldn't have married you in the first place.
2007-12-16 16:26:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
-The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands-
Read it, study it, live it and you can change your whole attitude and save your marriage. This book is amazing and if you can get past your attitude to read it and utilize it you will have the most amazing marriage you ever dreamed of.
You can get it cheap on Amazon.com
2007-12-16 16:40:09 · answer #10 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋