We've been together 4 yrs and engaged two of those years. Why would he get engaged if he wasn't happy? He bought a house next door soon after we got engaged and rented it out to a family he knows. They are heavy partyers and drinkers and he started hanging out there all the time. he doesn't want to do anything but stay there for over a yr. He doesn't do anything around HIS house. I asked why. He said it's because he doesn't care about this house anymore. I then asked why he is always next door. He said it's because he's done and hasn't been happy with me since we've been together. I am very hurt and have alot of questions. Like why did he get engaged in the first place? Also, things got bad when THEY moved in next door. I asked him to go to couseling. He said no. He's done and I don't get that it's over and couseling won't help because there is nothing there anymore and he doesn't want to talk. He then left to go next door and then came home soon after. Why did we get enaged then?
2007-12-16 16:10:34 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had a similar situation. We got engaged, bought a house, he pushed me to get pregnant. Thank god I refused! But shortly afterwards he left. Said he couldn't handle the responsibility of the house and marriage and had always been unhappy (sound familiar). Of course he left me for a woman with four kids and an even larger mortgage payment.
People don't always make sense. Looking back I think he really was unhappy (he ended up leaving her, got into serious trouble, got sent to the brig, got his new sports car repo'd, etc), but it was easier to go along with everything than to argue or even to try to change things and make them better (I of course was oblivious to his unhappiness). I have no idea what happened to him, I don't know if he figured things out. But as much as it hurts at the time, sometimes you have to just walk away. It may work out later when he figures out what he wants or it may not. It may have been instigated by the people next door, but you need to prepare yourself to get away from him. Even if you have to move to the other side of town.
2007-12-16 16:22:50 · answer #1 · answered by zayneb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I am sorry but I need to ask this question. Does he seem moody and just make you feel like crap and a waste of his time is this out of character for him? The reason I ask this question is because he started acting like that since his party buddies moved next door, and also he has no interest to take care of his own things. Okay where I am going with this is do you think he is doing drugs. The reason I ask is because I had an awsome marriage and started gettingh that treatment only to find out a year later that he had been doing drugs he said some pretty hurtful things that I didnt deserve and had no desire or drive anymore. Is this him? If so, hun please let him go now.
2007-12-17 00:48:34 · answer #2 · answered by kitty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably got engaged to you because it's he thought "maybe this is the next step or what is expected of me." .This man is an obvious child and is seriously immature,count this as a blessing.You found out that this guy is completely selfish and thoughtless before you got married to him.He honestly has no idea what he wants and wants to revert back to his teenage years and not grow up,that is why he hangs out with those morons partying and drinking.You dodged a serious bullet by not marrying him,he showed his true colors(albeit late)but better late than never.And i'm pretty sure those rejects that he has been hanging out with has influenced his decision to break the engagement.You have suggested counseling and seeing a therapist,and he still doesn't want to go forward,you really have done all that you could. This guy is a child and doesn't want to grow up and he realized this a little late in the game.It really is up to you to keep wasting your time on someone who is worthless and made his thoughts really clear.It's time to make your feelings known and move on with the rest of your life.
2007-12-17 00:27:27 · answer #3 · answered by demonfirelife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After all that time if he were to come to me with that crap about being unhappy all that time I would have probably gone off on him for wasting so much of my time. If he was soooo
unhappy he wouldn't have asked you to marry him in the first place. In my opinion he has probably been seeing someone else and doesn't have the balls to tell you so he's using this as a cop out. Don't mean to hurt your feelings by saying all this but don't waste anymore of your precious time with this guy go tell him you've found someone else and let him feel he wasn't good enough (that's good revenge, it will hurt his ego)
2007-12-17 00:20:13 · answer #4 · answered by cleo_patra101 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This leads me to think that he MIGHT be telling you this in the way that he did.,. Because as of right now he may not know how to put things into words!?! & without admitting to being some`what cowarded to some feelings that even he may not know how to handle !?!. I'm willing to bet that next he may start trying to make you feel bad by putting some blame on you for stupid reasonings as`far as your relationship!?! If things do start to get worse.. Maybe YOU should start backing away yourself!! But let things go as they may for now !! He might start to become distant !?!
2007-12-17 00:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes guys think that its what they want at the time but when they start getting a taste of the free life back they don't want the relationship anymore. I know that it hurts but I'm sure that its for the best. Think about it would you want to get married and then all of this comes down. Time heals everything. So just be thankful that it happened now instead of later. I know it's going to be hard but you'll get through it. God made all women strong why do you think that he made us have the babies and not men.
2007-12-17 00:17:30 · answer #6 · answered by Shannon W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey the first time that men say they are done and they are not happy anymore that means they are done. they are not ready to grow up yet or they have other obligations. as far as getting engaged, he probably was just fine with the relationship at that time and probably for some time after that. the problem that has made him become distant and not want to be there has probably been just recent. if your relationship is not completely over then i personally would just start to keep an eye on him cuz it sounds to me that maybe he is already starting to find the "replacement" good luck sweetie.
2007-12-17 00:22:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
first off i just want to say im sorry. but i do recognize a problem, he isn't ready to grow up if he would rather hang with his friends most of the time other than hang out with you during that time. also, drinking ruins relationships, it will even ruin relationships if that person only drinks on weekends. my mothers marriage just recently fell apart because of drinking. she got help and quit and she is so much happier about life and everyday things. that is all i can say that may be the reasons why he is doing/saying this.
2007-12-17 00:15:47 · answer #8 · answered by "Your Name" on my *SS 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you are being treated this way. It is better that you did not already marry him, though you probably don't feel that way now. If he is "done" why is he coming "home" to you? I would try to accept what has happened and move on. Start with asking him to move out.
2007-12-17 00:15:43 · answer #9 · answered by Over The Rainbow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's simple my dear, he's out of love..he just use the words "wasn't happy" than telling you frankly i don't love you you anymore..i know reality bites & for sure you can feel it by this time..if he doesn't want to talked to you why waste your time waiting n crying over him. i don't have any idea what you have been through for me to to say this but he doesn't care even..he doesn't care for your feelings anymore. maybe he just want to experiment living with you, & you did not pass..it's better this way, having no kid to hold him back..give life another shot!! it's painfull from the start but you can prove it to him that you don't deserve his treatment..he's not the only fish in the ocean.. get whatever things you have in that love nest of yours n go back home..better yet, live in your own..good luck!!
2007-12-17 00:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋