My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. I am 21 and he is 22. I am graduating from college next year and he works full time and also goes to school. We live together and have been for the past 2 years. Today I was talking to my sister, who recently got married at the age of 30, and she said that we (my boyfriend and I) are too young to get married. I disagree and we actually got into a huge argument over it (She said that 'people change' and that 'who knows if you guys will be together in the future' and 'your idea of marriage is totally off' and 'the reason you get married is to have children and you don't want children soon so why get married?' etc). So, I was just wondering how everyone else feels? (so, think of it like this- if you were invited to a couple's wedding who were 21 and 22 would you think that it was 'wrong' or 'stupid' of them to get married 'so young'?)
2007-12-16 15:58:08 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People get married at this age all of the time.
No person is given a guarantee that any marriage will work.
You have shown maturity by graduating college.
People DO change .. and they can change at any age in their life.
21 & 22 are not stupid ages to get married.
Life gives no guarantees. Things happen all throughout a life-time for everyone .. and many are very unexpected.
If you want to get married at your present age .. don't argue with anyone about it ... just do it.
2007-12-16 16:05:17 · answer #1 · answered by Tara 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Rather than your sister and you arguing about this matter, I think it might have been more instructional to ask her why she feels
as she does. She married at 30, so she must have had her
reasons, and her own opinion is not something to argue about...
Everyone has an opinion, we do not have to agree with it but we don't have to argue about it, either, do we?
I would discourage immediate marriage for anyone who is still in college, working on the early stages of a well developed career goal, or who is
young (yes, I do think that 21 and 22 is young; but yes, I would go to a wedding of someone that age if that was their decision).
However, just because I do feel it is too young, I do not feel that young marrieds are wrong, stupid, etc., either. I just
feel that it is too young in a nation where half of our marriages now end in divorce. I feel that there is so much
to enjoy and seek in the early adult years that there is not any
need to rush into marriage. That is just my own personal opinion, not a cruel judgment about anyone.
Your sister is correct; people do change. Hence, that is part of why our divorce rate is so high.
As time passes, and people become familiar with one another, and the stressors and responsibility of married
life and children begins to take a toll, a lot can change even for the most loving couples.
On the other hand, no matter what the age, divorce can occur....it is certainly not something that only happens to young marrieds. I do not know the percentage of young
vs. middle vs. elder aged marriages which end in divorce, so I cannot speak to those figures.
In the end, what really matters is what you and your boyfriend
decide for yourselves. It sounds like you are both quite busy with work and school at this time, and you did not say he is pressing you to marry right away.....and in my own humble opinion, I think that is very wise.
The more settled you can be, for example, graduate college
and settled in your careers, able to afford reasonable housing and all the other necessary expenses of married
life---the less stress on both of you and a marriage you are
trying to keep fresh and loving. Not to mention babies who
may eventually come along---and as beautiful and sweet
as they are....they are also quite expensive and a lot of
hard work and sleepless nights.
Whatever you and your boyfriend decide to do, I hope you
will be happy. And I am also hoping that you and your sister
will make up very soon.....what a sad thing to argue over....
life is too short.
God bless,
Doris
2007-12-17 00:22:13 · answer #2 · answered by Doris L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having gotten married at 22 and still together 23 years later, I wouldn't say that its age that's the only factor in whether or not you can make it.
You have known each other for 6 years and have been living together for 2, so getting to know each other well isn't going to be a problem.
As to not wanting children, well that's fine, that's not a reason on its own not to get married. I know married couples who chose that for themselves, and I feel its their right.
As to whether your sister is right or wrong about the two of you, may I suggest something? Why not try an engaged couples course? It could help you determine if your expectations of married life are reasonable, if you two are going to be working towards the same goals, what your priorities are, and whether they are compatible.
Then if your sister says anything you can prove to her (and yourselves) that you ARE fully prepared to do what it takes to have a marriage and not just a wedding.
Best of luck!
2007-12-17 00:14:13 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the individuals, their maturity, and their commitment to making the relationship last a lifetime.
Marriage takes more than just love these days.
Marriage takes tolerance, sacrifice, loyalty, devotion, and an agreed willingness for man and wife to do WHATEVER it takes to keep their relationship healthy.
The biggest problem with today's marriages stem from trying to keep society happy by playing the political correctness game.
She should trust him to do this, he should trust her to do this, having close friends of the opposite sex is good, remaining friends with an ex should be allowed, etc.
Let me tell you right now, it's all B.S.!!!
While some of those things may be true for some, it is not for others, nor can it always apply to everyone.
You two must decide what the boundaries are and what will keep the two of you close and prevent you from drifting apart over time.
You both have a lot of growing up and maturing to do before you know what it will take to keep yourself happy, let alone the other person.
I don't care how old you are, that's the case with everybody when you are in a relationship, but that maturing and development can be done and those answers can be found together over the course of your marriage when both sides earnestly seek to provide for the other.
In other words, the marriage's success should depend on only two factors, the husband and the wife, and that's it!
2007-12-17 00:27:44 · answer #4 · answered by runninfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am stunned with you and college and him and working and school, that it hasn't ruined both of you! Do me a major favor and hold out if you can for another 3 years and then I would consider promoting it for you two! It has nothing to do with the age but I'd promote it if you guys both finished school and was a little more established first! Don't get the wrong impression with age, I mean that's big of you that your considering marriage but I just think if you guys can make 10 years and as young as you still will be! You'll be ready then! I do in a way think mildly that 21 and 22 is too young but I think if you both finish school first and have great jobs it'll work itself out! Good Luck and God Bless!
Just don't worry about it and don't rush into it! Tell your sister she should not have allowed that argument to be that big! Darn she was to respect you because you are grown and you guys have been together for 7 years that's great!
2007-12-17 00:13:06 · answer #5 · answered by rita_hiemy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The age of the people depends on two things. First, how mature they are, and second if they are getting married for the right reasons. I don't pay attention to statistics. Every marriage has the same chance. It is the people in it that makes the chance a good one or a bad one. I was 19 when I got married, my husband was 27. We have been married for 33 years, and are still happy. But I have known couples who got married at 30 and divorced at 35. You both have to work at marriage. The romance dies, but the love remains if you work together to make it work. You both have to give and take. You both have to make compromises. But if you don't give up every time you have an argument, and try not to go to bed angry, it will last. As far as what your sister said, it goes for every body who gets married. Who knows who will still be together in the future. You can make it work if you both try. Good luck.
2007-12-17 00:12:01 · answer #6 · answered by jenx 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been together since you were 16 and 15 correct? I don't think your sister is as concerned that you are too young per se, just that you have been together since you were very young and may not know as much about life as you could. The statistics for marriages starting as your relationship has, so young, are not very good. That doesn't mean it can't work, just that you have grown up together and for your sake will continue to grow together and not apart. I was married at 21, my ex-husband was 25. We had been together four years when we got married and divorced before we were 30. I hope and pray you beat the stats... I hope you both have happiness. Good Luck.
2007-12-17 00:14:26 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would listen to your sister (unless she's the type to say something vindictive). Sisters are like friends, they see things you might not and in many ways they see more than friends because they're family. She might have concerns that she might want to keep shut about because your relationship might pan out just fine in the long run, but she'd rather you take a fews years to make sure.
As far as the age, there's studies out there that say marriages before 25 are risky. I imagine this has more to do with point in life than maturity. However, the statistics are not strong enough to mark a specific age that's "safe" to get married, especially when divorce rates are high across the board.
FYI, I'm getting married shortly before my 23 b-day and my FH will by 28. I've also seen several young marriages fail around me. I think its important to really understand what you are getting into and that its not a decision to take lightly.
2007-12-17 00:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for being in a relationship and making it work for so long at such a young age. That says a lot. Age is nothing but a number. It really depends of the maturity level of the couple. After living with eachother for two years, you both you should have some idea by now weather or not you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. People do change but you have to compromise and be willing to accept these changes to be with that peron and vice versa. you have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth having a future and would you be happy with this person no matter what. There will always be doubts and haters out there that will put these doubts in your head but if you really love that person then you have to follow whats right for you....good luck
2007-12-17 00:11:25 · answer #9 · answered by concernone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married when I was 23 and she was 25. We've been married 11 years this coming Jan. We've changed a lot, but we love each other. Some months are great, some months suck, some days are like the day we first got married others are well not like that....haha....but we are committed to one another.
In the end marriage isn't a feeling, it's a commitment. That may sound hokey, but it's the basic truth. Are you willing to stay committed through the changes....if not then it's probably stupid...wait. But if at 21 you feel ready to make that stand, then go for it. And love one another, no matter what changes take place.
Love isn't a feeling...it's an action.
2007-12-17 00:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were both 18 when we got married we are now 25 with 3 children and happy.You have your ups and downs as any other couples do but yu have to be mature to work through them and don't give up.Only you and your boyfriend can know what is best for you if yu think you are both satisfied that it is the right thing then go ahead.best of Luck!(if I was going to a wedding of people that age I would assume they are in love and have more than considered everything- age is a number.)
2007-12-17 00:06:49 · answer #11 · answered by khadija k 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋