*****
Why won’t my love look upon me
Why don’t I hear a reply
After all that I’ve done
Now you’ve begun
To turn cold and rigid…I cry
The way that you lay there so silent
Without even questioning why
You’ve turned into stone
Left me alone
As if a part of me…died
Blue smoke fills the air around you
Cordite perfume can’t hide
The way you expired
Five shots I fired
One more in the cylinder…I tried
*****
2007-12-16 15:42:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
KUDOS!!! LOVE this!!! Rythmn is way good! Message is clear.
You tried to put 6 in her, or was the last one for yourself, misfired, and now you hear the sirens in your front yard??
Elysabeth...poemhunter.com
2007-12-17 00:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by Elysabeth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about a battle royale amongst the top poetesses in YA: TD Euwaite, Annabella, Elyslund and Elaine P on the topic LOVE, CHRISTMAS TIME?
I hope the challenge is accepted.
Nice poem, btw, TD.
2007-12-17 09:19:42 · answer #2 · answered by Lance 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weird
2007-12-16 23:45:30 · answer #3 · answered by bendozaa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, TD, I hate it!! I like the form, but I can live without the substance. There's enough violence going on in the world without one of my favorite contacts writing violent poetry.
2007-12-17 06:53:09 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spooky? Personally, I think it's hilarious in a morbid and delightfully ghastly way.
2007-12-17 01:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well done! You had me going all the way. And I wasn't expecting the ending! What fun. I love surprises.
2007-12-17 08:45:44 · answer #6 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing like the ring of an empty casing hitting the cold floor...
you misspelled Russian roulette...
good one, cordite perfume is addictive indeed...
2007-12-17 10:49:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Works for me TD.
Steven Wolf
2007-12-17 07:37:13 · answer #8 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Black humour! Reads like a James Ellroy novel...
EDIT: Jimboy, thank you for calling me a "poetess", which I am not. As for TD, well, "poetess"???
:))
2007-12-17 01:38:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like it?
You need to ask??
(BTW...that is a yes...even though it is "spooky"!)
2007-12-16 23:48:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋