My best friend is addicted to porn and fetish videos!?

Question

She's 13 and watches them all the time. Even when her parents are home (they don't know about it. When I go over to her house, she tries to get me to watch them with her. I've tried to tell her that thwere's no need to watch them, but she's addicted! How do I get her to stop and realize that this isn't right?

She has a computer in her room and one in the basement as well, so it's easy to hide from her parents. But, never has she watched them when they were in the same room of course. I'm really close with her parents, I've known them since we were like 6. I know for sure that her dad will completely flip out and might even hit her, while her mom is a complete wimp and will probably be like, "oh, don't do that.", then ground her but let it slip the next day. She told me her first 'encounter' with porn was when she was 11, and she loved it then, stopped for a whiole and got addicted to it a few months ago. She is very active ( is out with friends alot), but she has only told me about this because we're the most comfortable of our friends around eachother. As of where she gets them, I guess she just knows her way around the web. Thanks for the help so far...

Answer 1

I would not say your friend is addicted. Addictions are habitual behaviors which are sought after to the detriment of personal health, or the neglect of loving relationships, or the abandonment of the responsibilities and activities of life. Your friend does not sound like she pursues the enjoyment of pornography to these extents, but rather spends only some of her free time looking at and watching pornography. Could her enjoyment turn into an addiction? Yes, it could, but not likely. Your friend is more than likely going through a time in her life where she is curious of human sexuality, and even though watching internet porn is not exactly an edifying way of exploring sexuality, it does seem to be her way for the moment.

As for what you can do, just talk to her. Ask her why she wants to look at the pictures she does. Ask her why she likes watching the videos she does. One thing I would worry about is how she feels about her own sexuality and also about boys and men. Perhaps she is afraid of this new world of love, dating, and sex in her life. Pornography can end up being a very lonely activity. It can be a way to escape and avoid the stresses of actually having a loving and caring relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Pornography can quickly become a paper-thin substitute for having a real, flesh and blood person to love, care for, hold and hug, talk with, kiss, and even have sex with. I hope this is not the road your friend is traveling, as she will find nothing but loneliness at the end. Can viewing pornography be fun? Sure, but it can also be hurtful.

Keep loving your friend, and keep talking to her. Don't judge her, and if you do not like being around when she is viewing this stuff on her computer, don't be. Tell her you will go home if she continues. Either she will choose to keep you in her company, or she will let you go. I hope she will never choose to let you go just because she wants to see a bunch of naked people pursuing their sexual fantasies in a fake, scripted, and directed video or photo shoot.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

Giving a guy sex when they want it is not enough. Men want YOU to ask for sex. I have seen this a thousand times... When most of the sexual relationship rests on the mans shoulders, he quickly becomes disinterested. Being willing is but not pursuing is a turn off. Some guys don't even realize why they lose interest until they are so far removed that it's obvious. Here is how it usually goes. He initiates all the time and you say no sometimes and yes others. So not only is HE doing all the asking but he doesn't even get sex every time. The fact that you aren't interested enough in sex to pursue it as often as he likes, makes him not want to have sex with you, but his sex drive is still raging. He doesn't want to cheat, so he uses porn to fill in where you lack. After a while, the fact that porn never needs 'turned on' and never says no is much more appealing than having to initiate so he loses even more interest in you. Now he gets his primary satisfaction from porn and when it comes to you, he is spent. You can't make a guy promise to stop looking at porn. All that does is make them sneak better. Men simply don't care when it comes to sex. Either you are having enough sex or something you don't like is going to take your place every single time. Try this... initiate a lot more. YOU take charge of sex. It's 2011 and it's no one genders responsibility. When he feels confident that you are as sexual as he needs, he will not even care about porn. The real trick with men is to not go more than a day or so without sex of some sort. 3-5 days is a long time to a young guy and anything over 5 is WAY too long. Every man I know masturbates by about 36-48 hours after sex. Unless you are within the 48 hour range, a guy will take care of it himself. It's just too damn annoying to let it go longer. Once a guy finds porn is a more reliable solution to sex, no amount of your begging will make him stop. Only being more sexual will work.

Answer 4

The answers I've read so far scare me a little. I think one of the main concerns here is the fact that she's a girl. If she was a boy, I bet nobody would give a crap. She is curious, she's not going out doing it, just watching. Maybe she wants to see what the fuss is about. Leave her alone. Not everyone who looks at porn goes out and screws everybody she meets.

Answer 5

Depends on how you want to go with this:

There are actual groups like Alchoholics Anonymous for porn or you could also go to a member of the church for counsel. I know that she could also go to an actual therapist, but those cost money.

I have a friend like that, though im 23. He just likes porn. He has a gf that he has been dating for about a year and has had gf's before that. He is still pretty normal. As long as she doesnt let it affect her everyday life (ae: skipping school to watch porn, giving up all human contact for porn, etc) she might just be really into that kind of thing.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Your best friend needs help. Porn is very addictive and can led to dangerous habits. You would think if you've seen one naked person, you've seen them all or if you've seen people have sex once, then you've seen it all. No. At 13 years old? I would be worried to death if I were you and her parents.

BTW, what in the world are her parents doing??? If she is watching them all the time, they can't be completely oblivious! Where is she getting them from? I think her parents must be some kind of wimps. They have to know.

Just tell your friend that you don't want her to act out what she is seeing and end up young, pregnant, broke, with diseases, friendless, with 2 or 3 kids to take care of, a dead end job, and a broken down mini-van. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I think she knows deep down that what's she's doing is wrong. Here's my advice.

1. Don't get involved with her in her habit.
2. Continue to do other activities with her that are fun and wholesome.
3. Don't judge her but encourage her to get help before it gets completely out of control.

And always remember that people addicted to pornography often have a non-sexual motive behind their behavior.

Answer 8

It's natural for her to be curious..but not THIS curious to the point where she's watching porn..Does she have a boyfriend? If so she may be thinking about sex..you may have to tell her parents just to be on the lookout so maybe they can "accidentally" walk in on her one day..

Answer 9

Yikes. This might be too big for you, but I'm glad you are concerned for your friend. Are you on good terms with her parents? Maybe you should tell them you're really concerned about their daughter and that they might want to check her user history. This way, they can discover it on their own, and you can be as uninvolved as possible. Ask that you not be mentioned, and then see how things go. That might be the best thing you can do for her.

Answer 10

Could be a difficult task at hand. She lacks the same moral values as you do in this case. If it's faith, religion, self conscience or whatever makes you say it's bad, you may want to share or teach her your foundation of moral values.