Could he be as dangerous as my friends say?

Question

I asked this under singles and dating but didn't get much response.
My ex-bf has been sort of stalking me and my friends have suggested taking out a restraining order, but I don't want to go that far just yet. The thing is, one of my friends said they get a creepy vibe from him and called him a potential rapist. That really freaked me out because he has been accused of being sexually inappropriate with minors online and called a pervert often. And he does seem obsessive in a lot of ways. Also, while fooling around he's mentioned wanting to tug my hair and spank me, which I know can be innocent, but he brought it up while talking about "punishing" me for teasing him. I told him I don't go for that thing and he acted like he was kidding but he continued to bring it up and say he only wanted to play. He also doesn't respond well to be turned down, and has guilted me into getting sexual when I didn't really want to by saying stuff like "so I turn you off?" or "dont you want to be with me

He’s never been physically abusive, but he’s definitely manipulative and controlling. Am I making too much out of my friend’s words? Does anyone see a pattern that would cause them to think he may be dangerous Thanks for your help.

Just to answer some questions presented. I'm 21, and he's not a teenager, he's in his late 20s, and has a history of emotional problems, so it's not just typical kid behavior because he's not a kid, although he acts like one...doesn't work, doesn't have any sense of responsibility.
And to the guy who called me an attention whore for mentioning the stalking thing, I mean that literally... he drives around my house to watch me, has made numerous fake myspace and facebook accounts (he even pretended to be a girl, fake pic and all) to weasel his way onto my and my friends' pages so he can spy on what I'm doing, he contacts me relentlessly and has admitted to "researching" me online.
To everyone else, thank you.

Answer 1

You're not making too big deal out of this. You obviously feel threatened on a deeper level otherwise you wouldn't be asking this. You know in your gut you can't trust him. So trust your gut and your friends' judgment. It's better to be safe then sorry and what if he is potentially dangerous? What if he starts on someone else? If you feel he has been stalking you, then go get help.

Answer 2

Um, you are underreacting.....if the guy has been called a pervert and accused of being sexually inappropriate with others--people that he doesn't know---I would think that there is a valid reason...especially combining that with both your own experiences and that of your friends. I would think you would want to be very careful from now on...travel in groups...don't talk to him at all......I dunno if I would file a restraining order...not because he shouldn't have one against him, but because that could only make him more controling and angry. I would document everything he does and everytime you see him.....I would also seek out a big, muscular new boyfriend/friend who can spend lots of time with you for the next few weeks/months. Ugh...good luck!!

Answer 3

He seems a little possessive. As a police officer, I think you should get one and make sure it's enforced to the T. It may turn out that he's not going to be anymore of a threat, but I've seen too many women put something like that off until it's too late. Better safe than sorry.

Answer 4

What do you mean he has been sort of stalking you, have you made it clear that you don't want any contact from him?

Do you have any evidence that he is inappropriate with minors, because that may be something that the police would be interested in.

I wouldn't worry about the spanking- sounds like normal mild fetish type stuff.

Answer 5

From what you describe he doesn't sound like a physical threat. Your friend doesn't sound like they really know what they're talking about. Just being creepy does not mean you'd rape someone. It's actually kind of sad how quick people are to stereotype perverts as rapists. I mean, it's possible he would rape you, but usually people are either physically violent, or they aren't. And it doesn't sound like there's much reason to think he is a violent person at the moment. People can definitely be controlling but non-violent. It's quite common really.

(Still sounds as if you should avoid him like the plague, though... Whether or not he'll rape you is kind of irrelevant. If he's really creeping you out that much, you should stay away from him regardless!)

Answer 6

Not necessarily. He could just be hyper emotional, and unable to just let it go. The pressure for sex, typical teenager behavior. Your friends, well that's how it all starts isn't it? someone says something 'cause they don't like a person and twenty other stupid kids go along with it. "Sort of stalking me?" kinda sounds like. "He's been trying to get back together with me". you're fine, he'll probably get over it someday. The hair pulling and spanking: He's just seen too many pornos and lacks the imagination to make up his own moves.

Answer 7

PLEASE re-read everything you just wrote. Now can you answer your own question? Dude is CREEPY. Stay away from him and if he continues to stalk you please do get a restraining order against this guy. Let your family, friends and neighbors know you dont want this guy near you so they can keep an eye out. He is an ex-boyfriend for a reason and your friends are right about this.

Answer 8

It doesn't sound to me like he's dangerous. Am I right in assuming he is older than you and in his late teens/early twenties? If so, he's probably incredibly horny, and since you gave into his whims, he is "stalking" you in hopes to get back together so he can continue to have his fun. Guys are sometimes weird like that. If he really bothers you, get a restraining order. Otherwise, just ignore him.

Answer 9

A man saying he wants to punish you is never ok or innocent. He wants to pull your hair and spank you- that is a direct sexual comment and nothing else.
Get that restraining order. Stop talking to him.

Answer 10

Anyone who pressures you into things, or makes you nervous, or scared isn't someone to hang around. Your friends most likely know you very well, so I would take what they say to heart. Be careful,watch your back, and if things get too out of control take necessary actions. But honestly if he scares you do something. You may regret it if you don't take care of it before something bad happens.