What if I flat out told you all my flaws before we even started dating?

Question

Instead of spending months or even years getting to know someone, would do you think of the idea of telling each other their flaws, annoyances, things that he/she may not like about you, things that others have said they don't like...the truth so they know now instead of finding out later. At least you were honest to begin with?

Say, I want to tell guys that I am moody especially around the winter time, short tempered, gets jealous, selfish when it comes to love, and that I have a bald spot on the back of my head? If he still wants to be with me, then great! Whadda you think?

Answer 1

I don't think this question is a joke at all. I wish more people were honest and open. Head games aren't good for anyone, and personally, I refuse to play them. But, in this case, perhaps a good approach would be to first see if there's a connection, then over coffee take turns discussing some of the pitfalls. After all, it's a balance between self-confidence and bashing yourself silly.
Thumbs up to honesty and trust !!

Answer 2

It's definitely an unusual approach, lol. It would work with some people and not with others. Some people don't want a checklist of your pros and cons, and would rather get to know you in their own time and way. There's also the issue of coming across as really hard on yourself if all you point out is flaws. Guys see this as high maintenance... y'know.."No darling you look gorgeous, No hunny I think you're very clever"... the whole fishing for compliments thing that a lot of girls do. If you're gonna sell yourself, you have to also point out your positives (think of a job interview... you'd never get the job if you forgot to tell them you're a hard and honest worker who really knows their stuff, but instead pointed out that you have no corporate fashion sense, a slight body odour and you're lazy after 3pm). At the same time, you don't want to want to come across as arrogant with all the good things about you. It comes down to the fact that getting to know someone is an adventure. There are things you can learn to love about a person, not even notice because love is blind, and it always makes someone feel good if they can see you've put in effort into getting to know them, rather than reading a list of what you have and don't have and wanting one back from them. It's pointless meeting people in person then... why not just read their Facebook profile?

Answer 3

This sounds like that episode of Seinfeld where George says or does the opposite of what he normally does, and gets all the girls and the nice job, etc. But seriously, first impressions are important. And although it will be good on the part of showing your honesty, it goes against things like self-esteem, always trying to put your best foot forward, trying to see the glass as half full instead of empty. I don't think if i were to go on a date, that one of the first things I'd want to hear are all the negatives about the person, but rather, all the good things and all the reasons I SHOULD date you....

Answer 4

I think that you are not giving him an opportunity to get to know you. I think that you are showing a very insecure side to your personality, and that is quite unattractive. Men like women to be confident in themselves. Each of those traits may or may not be true, but you should leave that up to the person you are dating to figure that out. After all, different relationships bring out different sides of an individual. You may find that the next person you date is so easy going, trustworthy, and considerate, that you won't find a need to be jealous, insecure, and short tempered.

Rather than focusing on what you perceive as negative, why not focus on the things that make you a wonderful person to get to know?

Answer 5

ya know, about a year ago I would have NEVER considered that. I started a new relationship within this year, early on, my sister set this man aside(he is friends with her husband) and told him EVERYTHING he should or shouldnt know about me. She told him all, down to how I would act at certain times. I was very upset at first, but you know what? He has stayed with me, and she has been right about it ALL. He knew what to expect and went in for the long haul anyway. We have yet to butt heads over any major issues iI believe, because he knows I am stubborn and wont back down. He knows, because he was told ahead of time.
SO yeah, I think it could be a good thing to let them know YOU. But, some potential partners may not want to know that right away. MAy overwhelm them. Know them, before you let them know you.

Answer 6

You should let them know through some time but you're right - don't keep it a secret or make them wait a year to find out. Dishing out past addictions with pornography, one night stands you have, selfish tendencies is too much for a first date. The person won't see a few of your good qualities while hearing all of your bad ones. Do let them know in good doses rather than letting them find out you weren't the person whom they thought you were, but don't throw it all at once.

Answer 7

You would have my utter and utmost admiration for being the only woman in history with the guts to even try it, then I would tell you that all those annoyances and problems you mentioned describe EVERY WOMAN ON THE PLANET and to get over them REAL FAST before we do anything together.

Answer 8

No. There is no reason to do this right away. This is because you don't know how long the relationship is going to last anyway or which direction it might take. When you start to think it might get serious and it has lasted awhile then you can be honest.

Answer 9

I would think you were bold, honest and very refreshingly unique. I hate it when people "Beat around" the proverbial bush. It wastes time and energy. If someone is unwilling to accept you as you are, pretending to be something else for a while certainly isn't going to help matters and it wastes a lot of precious time.

Answer 10

I think that every relationship needs a little mystery and everyone's flaws are more tolerable when a relationship has already been established. Do you want to know your dates flaws before the appetizers come?