my husband is in jail help me!!!?

Question

hes in jail for violatin bail by being at my house and he has court tomorrow and i need helpful advice and not criticizing advice what is most likely to happen to him we have domestic court jan 24 and is record is clean besides that. he just made a mistake and im sure alot of men have hit u girls once and u have forgave him but the only thing that went wrong when this went down was my friend saw it and called but i need to help him tomorrow we have kids together and he made a mistake but he got caught at my house and nowhes in jail whats gonna happen or what can i do to help him?!!!!!1

Answer 1

See I hope you don't take this as criticism, but you are a part of whats called the circle of violence. You are enabling his abusive ways by saying things like hes a good guy, who made a mistake. I would be willing to bet this isn't the first time, and by defending him, it definately won't be the last. All you are telling him is that if you do it, I wont leave you or report you. Whats his incentive not to do it again? All battered women think like you do. That he really loves you, and wont do it again. I know women that are dead right now because thay had that attitude. I hope he felt like a big man hitting a female, is that because he knows that the circumstances would probably be much different if he was man enough to try it to somebody who could actually fight back?

Answer 2

It is out of your hands now. He got charged, was bailed and conditions were given. That was his chance and he blew it. So only probation is unlikely.

As others said this is so common that the judge will not buy anything you say in his defense. MEN do not hit women... ever. Maybe it was a one time thing but the judge will err on the side of safety and impose much especially since you have children. The assumption is made that if it happened one time it will happen again. The assumption will be that if you accept this no matter the circumstances then YOU are possibly unfit and a risk.

You could do some groundwork. A lawyer would be best but you could do some yourself if you have no money. Speak to the county health dept. and look into couple sessions, anger management classes and such. Call child services and ask them what to do. You may have to agree to have them see your entire family every month or so. The judge might drop it if these conditions are met. You might get it moved to childrens court.

It is well worth the effort. I am not judging but be advised that every person in the courtroom will be against him since he hit a woman. It will be assumed (correctly) that he has emotional issues. If convicted this will impact your families financial future.

Answer 3

By violating the conditions of his bail the Judge will not be inclined to go with just straight probation.

If the jail is fairly full, my guess is 30 to 60 days and a couple of years probation. If the jail is empty double the time served but keep the probation the same.

The whole sentence will be served if he is caught back in the house while on probation. Assuming that remaining some distance from you is a condition to his probation.

I don't know what you can do to help him. If refusal to testify is an option then that will at least not harm him. If he is your legal husband I don't think you can be made to testify against him.

Good luck, but one thing you need to know, your husband is dangerous and you are in danger when ever you are around him. If this is indeed an isolated incident your husband is the exception. Normally this behavior escalates and you never know when the next eruption is coming. Be very careful.

Answer 4

OK, now at last you've added enough detail to give you some kind of general answer. As I understand it, he was charged with some type of domestic violence for hitting you in front of a witness and was allowed bail on the condition that he stay away from you. He came to your house, apparently with your permission, and got arrested.

The judge's main purpose is to protect you and the kids. Lots of women put up with abusive men and feel so dependent on them that they're willing to suffer the beatings.
Judges know this. The only way you can really help your husband is to help him understand that he has a real problem and that he needs help to deal with it. Men without emotional problems do not hit their wives under ANY circumstances.

The judge will have to be convinced that your husband knows he has a real problem and that he wants help to get over it. Then the judge will probably help him get the help he needs so he can get back with his family. If the judge thinks your husband doesn't recognize that hitting his wife is a sign of a serious problem, then he's going to lock him up and keep him there for a while.

Answer 5

Perhaps, Dear, you should stop asking this question, and start REALLY listening to the answers.
That lady you are so angry with IS your friend. Friend enough to risk your friendship to protect you and your children, perhaps even to save your lives.
Your bf, or husband, or whatever he is, is only sorry because he is now in trouble. He will get over being sorry once he is in control again.
I guarantee it. (unfortunately)

Answer 6

I speak from personal experience. Please hear me. You are not responsible for his choice to hit you in anger. How many dead wives have said the same thing - he didn't mean it, it was an accident? It's not your fault even if you did start the argument - HE CHOSE TO HIT. He clearly doesn't respect you and you deserve your dignity. Ask yourself if you have ever felt this way: "battered women tend to stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons." Among those reasons: women are still positively reinforced during the honeymoon phase; women tend to be the peacekeepers in relationships - the ones responsible for making the marriage work; adverse economic consequences; it is more dangerous to leave than to stay; prior threats by batterer to kill self, or children; or to abscond with children; lost self-esteem; and no psychological energy to leave - resulting in a learned helplessness or psychological paralysis.
"Battered woman syndrome describes a pattern of psychological and behavioral symptoms found in women living in battering relationships." People v. Romero, 13 Cal Rptr 2d 332, 336 (Cal App 2d Dist. 1992); See Walker, L., The Battered Woman Syndrome (1984) p. 95-97. There are four general characteristics of the syndrome:
1. The woman believes that the violence was her fault.
2. The woman has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
3. The woman fears for her life and/or her children's lives.
4. The woman has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.
a battered woman delays seeking help. She may fear being killed, being left homeless, or becoming destitute. Her abuser may threaten harm to her children, other family, or pets. A battered woman is often isolated from family, friends and support and sustains a constant barrage of insults which convince her she is unworthy of a better life. Abusers often control a battered woman’s money and transportation. Even if a battered wife is affluent and able to leave, she may fear her husband will use his money and connections to track her down.

Domestic abuse is rarely a single episode and escalates over time, but a battered woman alone must decide to seek help.

You are a victim of abuse and do not have to help him. In fact you should do nothing - let him sit in jail and think about the implications of his actions to you and your children. How does domestic violence affect children? An authoritative study on domestic violence, Children of Battered Women by Jaffe, P., Wolfe, D., and Wilson, S., (1990) states that children who witness parental violence but are not hit themselves evidence behavioral, somatic and emotional problems similar to those experienced by physically abused children and that in addition to immediate trauma, children who witness such violence suffer from Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome later in life. According to both Children of Battered Women and The Judges Journal, supra p.4 at 11, 14 out of 16 studies state that witnessing violence between parents is a more consistent predictor of future violence than being a victim of child abuse. These children learn that such behavior is acceptable and approved of by their most important role models. They see short term reinforcement/compliance by the victim. They learn to use coercive power as a way to influence loved ones without being exposed to more constructive alternatives. As they get older, boys tend to identify with the aggressor, lose respect for mother and/or experience guilt for not being able to protect her.