I use the word "infatuated" because only time will tell if it's actually "love". -- I'm playing with fire I know, and my family, friends and probably any stranger would say to just leave it alone. But when you're really, really... really interested in someone, you just can't move on to somebody. This man is literally my "perfect man", from his looks, to his profession, to his personality, even the sound of his voice is perfection to me. Not only am I playing with fire because he's married and older, but because he's in law enforcement, with a rather high rank too.
What do I do? This kind of thing (which I've never felt before) doesn't just go away...
Any advice?
2007-12-16 12:20:52 · 29 answers · asked by Sofia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you for all your informative answers so far.
As for some of you, all I can say is, I hope I'm not as bitter and cold towards my fellow women once I'm a married woman... Cool down, it's not attractive. I don't appreciate being called a wh-re and b-tch when I personally have never done anything to you. I'm sorry if you yourselves have personally gone through your husband having an affair, but it wasn't ME. So please take your anger out on someone else.
2007-12-16 12:35:00 · update #1
You may feel like those feeling just don't go away. But trust me when I say you can always move on. Find someone that is not married. The age thing doesn't matter as much as long as he is not attached to another women.
2007-12-16 12:27:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
When I was younger I dated a older man that was married . The problem was I was young and he was married. Now I feel horrible for the actions that I did. For 1 I put myself in a position to hurt other people and myself, 2 if he did leave his wife what about the next young thing that came along, and 3 more than likely he was just having his cake and eating it to. I'm sure what your feeling is not light but with the circumstance at hand and being in the same situation before I would try to walk away. The feelings I have now about being with a married man I wish I had known then what I know now. good luck
2007-12-16 12:56:10 · answer #2 · answered by sweetnee 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you pretty much said it yourself...Your playing with fire...I would try to fight those feelings you have or are having for this man....Maybe try to just play it as a friendship, but then again I think you may be too far gone emotionally to break off any attraction and just do the friends thing....But if you feel you could, sounds like this could be someone you could learn a lot from maybe....but then again you are playing with fire. As much as you would want to have relationship with this man, under any other circumstances I would say good luck, but you need to respect another person's marriage, especially the wife in this. I mean think if you were this wife and let's say have a good marriage, would you really appreciate another, younger woman having these feelings about your husband?? Sometimes we want what we can't have and that is just life.
2007-12-16 12:50:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you go against everything you know to be wrong. First let me tell you that there is no such thing as a perfect man or woman. Sure you think he is the perfect man for you only because you don't know him yet. If you go after this man odds are you will get him only because we know how to play with their minds. Do you think that's fair to him or better yet to his wife who won't know she has competition until it's to late. Leave that man alone and find someone your own age. You will be the one who gets hurt and left all alone and thinking about him at home with his wife making love to her,is that what you want.
Right on Mrs K !
2007-12-16 12:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Walk away.. whether it goes away or not would you want to be responsible for ruining someones marriage and possibly career. I won't call you names because as of yet you haven't acted on anything and you are asking for advice so that tells me that you know its not right on some level.. I honestly don't know that its love it sounds more like wanting something you can't have. If I were you I would leave it alone.. If he ends up getting a divorce on his own and you still have these feelings for him then go for it. But as long as he is married you should see him as off limits.
2007-12-16 12:41:23 · answer #5 · answered by Julie J 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You have two real choices here - Toss away your marriage and declare your lust for the 29 yo at work, where if you are lucky you will be able to indulge your fantasy a time or two before she shuts you down and complains to management and you get fired and end up living in a sleazy motel room while doing odd jobs to make your court ordered payments to your ex wife, or, man up, quit being a d*ck and focus on your marriage.
2016-04-09 07:58:27 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't control love and if you are in love do whatever you have to do. Just know this if he ever leaves his wife DO NOT GET MARRIED!!! The second you say "I do" the loving relationship goes out the window!!! You also need to learn the facts of life:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike the other answers you will get.
2007-12-16 12:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Speaking as a wife myself, if some little skank like you was angling to get her mitts on MY husband you wouldn't hear the end of it. He is NOT your perfect man, he is his wife's perfect man. He married her, not you.
As hard as it is, you need to grow up and walk away for good. You know damn well it's wrong otherwise you wouldn't be here. He will not, and I repeat NOT put his high ranking position in jeopardy for a fling. You are the only one who will get burned if you keep this up.
Let it go and save yourself the heartache.
EDIT:
Sweetie, if any of these women are wives, they are not angry or bitter -- they're just smart enough to know what girls like you are capable of. As a wife, we know damn well what is out there.
And when we also know we have good men, we want to do whatever it takes to keep girls like you from getting your claws on our men. Yes, sometimes it is his fault but when you're trying to move in on someone who has taken their vows to another woman, you just come off as skanky and as a completely selfish b*tch with no regard for anyone but yourself.
I took vows for better or for worse and I'll be damned if some little Jezebel is going to destroy that.
2007-12-16 12:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
So Mr. Perfect is :
OLD
MARRIED
and if you're playing with fire and he takes the bait, then Mr. Perfect would also be an adulterer.
Are you sure he is perfect?
It sounds like your just a lonely person who is infatuated with her boss.
Please, you know better than to entertain this.. So the answer is to (1) hang out with other people like yourself, (2) develop a new crush, and (3) put Mr. Perfect to rest.
2007-12-16 12:35:45 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. D 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
If he is in a high ranking position he probably isn't going to blow that for you. You will be a passing fancy at most. His wife will be the one on his arm for all events and functions. You will sit home alone for all nights, weekends and holidays while he is with his wife. He won't be alone, but you will. Can ya handle that?
2007-12-16 12:28:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋