How are you supposed to react when you find out someone is sexually touching your child?

Question

My husband and I have just found out that my 14 year old stepsone has been sexually touching my 4 year old daughter. She is my only child and I feel that I hate him he is not alound to be here at this time or spend the night at all. But when I do see him I believe that I'm going to freak. I have so much anger and feel that I have failed as a parent. I couldn't even protect my own daughter in her own how. Never thought that this would have happened exspecially to our family. Why couldn't I protect her in my own home? This is her brother that she loves and looks up to. How could I fail I guess that I blame my self should I? Please help !!!!

Answer 1

You shouldn't blame yourself. Thinking of what i would do i was in your shoes I'd probably want to kill him. (BUT YOU SHOULDN'T) Thats a horrible thing to happen to a little child. He needs counseling. Is he sorry? I would need a family counselor after that.

Answer 2

I can really feel your pain.

I work with special needs children, and have had to deal with incidences similar to this with too many of them over the years.

Do not blame yourself, I know it is difficult not to to so, but you and your husband obviously had no idea that this has happened to your daughter, or you would have taken care of this as soon as it happened.

You have made the best first decision, to not allow your stepson into your home or around your daughter at this time.

Your husband must be having his heart torn out also, it is his son and his daughter so he must be ready to flip out. Has this been reported to the police and child services? You do need to do that first, and your daughter needs to have some counseling as well just so that she does not begin to believe that she did anything wrong.

Chances are very high that your stepson has been abused in some way, and that led him into touching your daughter in an inappropriate manner. This does not excuse the behaviour, at all; but this has proven to be true in the majority of these types of cases. He will need to be questioned by the police, and given counseling also.

There have been cases that I have been involved in that one of the parents was abusing the child in the household, and the other parent has never known until the child has talked about it in school to myself or one of the other teachers. The child has been too scared to tell the other parent, for fear they will get in more trouble and make both parents mad at them.

My family and I will be saying prayers for you and your daughter and your husband and your stepson, you are all going to need a lot of love and support to work through this.

Get the authorities involved as soon as possible so that reports can be filed and then you can all move forward in a positive manner. I wish you the best and you are very blessed that your daughter told you what was going on, some children are fearful and hide this type of thing until they are adults and end up with a lot greater emotional damage by doing so.

Answer 3

You should be upset. But also you have to realize your step son is still a child himself. He is only 14...instead of reacting with anger you need to teach him this isn't right. He is at an age when he is curious about sex. He may not have meant harm...or worst case he may have been touched sexually by someone else. I think you should definitely be upset and I understand that your main objective now is to protect your daughter, but realize even though he is not your biological son he is part of your family and rather than blaming him and potentially dividing the family...work to find out why he did it and to teach him it is wrong. Also make sure you daughter is ok...teach her it is wrong for someone to touch her that way. Make sure she feels comfortable talking to you about these things so she will be able to tell you when something is wrong. Don't blame yourself, just work to make sure both children get past and learn from this terrible incident.

Answer 4

First of all, the stepson is a predator/perpetrator that needs help. If he is not stopped or if someone does not intervene, he will continue to hurt other children. I hope social services has been contacted. He can be charged in Juvenile Court and ordered to go to a facility where his needs are addressed. Secondly, I know you feel guilt, but that will serve no purpose right now. Now is the time to focus on your child and her needs. She will probably need some type of counseling, you need to get that set up. This could affect her for the rest of her life. She will have problems with relationships and sex. Get her into a good therapist specializing in victim treatment. Forgive yourself, you did not know. Focus on getting her help now. She will always love you no matter what.

Answer 5

Oh my God! That is a mother's worst nightmare. My stepbrother did the same thing to me. I have never blamed my mother and I know that she couldn't have even imagined. Please don't blame yourself. The important thing to do right know is just to give your daughter all the help that she needs. You are going to lose your temper when you see him.(I would). How can anyone expect you not to. He hurt your baby. I think you need to stay away from him for a long while. If he comes over, you and your daughter need to be gone or your husband needs to meet him somewhere else. You have every right to feel rage and hurt. I pray that you get your daughter into some counseling. I wish that I had. I hope that everything gets better for you and your family!

Answer 6

I was going to say with a gun until I found out it's your stepson. That might make the marital relations a bit strained. I believe the entire family needs counseling, and you should not be alone with him until a counselor gives the ok.
And of course, your daughter should never be alone with him. Just as you are going to have to reassure your daughter that it is not her fault AT ALL, you should know and understand that it is not your fault either. We can't be evey where at all times, and why shouldn't you have trusted your stepson with your daughter?
Please make sure your husband doesn't have a past of sexual abuse, because often times these children learn it from someone very close to them.
Bless you...

Answer 7

it started with someone touching him is usually the case ,don't jump to conclusions totally, it should have been done with an investigation with you and him only ...a child learns that it is the right thing to do from somewhere.and he needs to be explained to thoroughly and with patience how awful and not right is is to do such things.. I know it is very difficult i had a stepson starting with his age of 3 and my son is 5 years older than him, is suspected abuse of my ex husband and would never have his child for one of the reasons and left him after the years were up that i could be around to prevent it which was foolish of me. too upset to write any more sorry.please look it up on the yahoo search about how to tell when a child is being sexually abused it will lead you to other ways to handle this

Answer 8

many people are drawn to innocence. remember that sometimes children(ur baby girl) see parents during intercourse and absorb that and start acting it out with barbies, food, etc. so be sure to keep your baby girl limited to just seeing/hearing hugging and kissing so the girl doesnt act around her stepbrother. This 14 year old with raging hormones may get turned on or something sick by this roleplay so just keep a close eye but as a 14 year old he may be emotionally unstable and the result of your actions could eventually mean to suicide. just shelter, protect, and watch and dont exclude this boy just shame him and give him one more try the chances are he will never do it again. just remember this is an EXTREEMLY delicate situation and every action that you do WILL HAVE its consequence on the whole family, whether that consequence be good or bad.

Answer 9

Both he and your daughter need to be taken in for treatment or counseling.
This 14 year old is now a predator and that needs to be stopped before he has a string of victims. He clearly has no sense of boundaries.
The boy's mother must be informed because as the parent with primary custody, she can be held responsible for his predation. Try calling family servces to get some help lined up.
In the meantime, you need to keep this predator out of your house... period.

Answer 10

It's hard not to blame yourself. But to tell you the truth it happens more often than you can believe. Families don't report it and live with the quilt. I'm a social worker for Head Start and see this alot. You could report it to the police and he will go to a detention hall and be forced to get counceling. This is hard and get counseling for your daughter and family because your husband is probaly blaming himself and it might cause hurt your family. God bless and take care.

Answer 11

personally, i would reassure my child that it is in no way their fault, and they aren't the bad ones. i would make sure that my child was near me as often as possible, especially at night, even putting their bed in my room to make sure they were safe, install a secure lock on the bedroom door, as well as the offenders door, that can only be opened from the outside.

then, i would make sure that the victim child was out of the house, maybe at a friend's, or her grandparents, and bring down the full wrath of hell on the perpetrating child.

i would also inform the police, and have him removed from the house, to a treatment centre or somewhere. i would make sure the law was involved, so the offending child knows exactly how wrong his actions have been. some countries actually impose gaol time for offenses like this (even in minors).

the offending child can not be let to get away with this act, and must face the full ramifications for his actions.

best of luck. keep your child safe