My husband doesn't want to have sex with me anymore...?

Question

I was pregnant 3 years ago and due to complications we had to remain abstinant till after baby was born. So for the past two years we have been ok for a sex life. We are both 30 years old However it has slowley gotten worse. Since May i can count on my fingers the anount of times we have been intament. i feel like i am a horrible disgusting person that he must not want me. When i bring it up he tells me to stop begging. He comes up with new excuses every night. I have tried to talk to him and he tells me he doesnt see what the problem is as far as he is concerned there isn't one.He takes medication for his back but has for many years with out this problem. I asked him to speak to his doctor and he got mad and said there was no reason to. He said that it is normal. I have tried everything i can think of i don't know what to do. The rest of our relationship seems fine to me. I just cry myself to sleep tyring to figure out what is wroung. I would really like some good advice. Thank you

Answer 1

He sounds like he doesn't find you attractive; meaning he's shallow.

Answer 2

Don't ask for it just do it start with oral sex when you two are in bed watching TV go under the covers and do your thing. No man will stop you from doing that but if he does then I'm sorry to say he is getting it somewhere else. He could be addicted to porn or has a particular girl he watches on-line. I hope that isn't the case and i know you are getting tired of people suggesting that to you. But lets be realistic about this your husband is only 30 years old and is still very much sexually active, age wise that is. No man can go without it for long specially at his age so you need to start watching for signs of cheating. If he enjoyed sex with you before and after the baby then there is no reason for him not to want sex from you. Don't think it's you because it isn't it's something he is doing and he doesn't want to tell you.
When my husband got like that it went on for over 8 months before he told me he didn't thing he loved me any longer and he wanted to move out. He did move out and come to find out it was over another woman a co-worker to be exact. Has he been working over time or going in a little earlier or talking about someone at work a little to much. How about hang up phone calls when you answer and is there anything different about your husbands appearance. Maybe you just have a husband that doesn't want sex i find that highly unlikely but who knows it could be possible.

Answer 3

You have suggested a doctor visit. You have asked him several times about the issue. He has used every excuse in the book. He doesn't want or is not interested in having sex. It may be medical, it may be psychological. The only thing left to do is to take him kicking and screaming to a marriage counselor.

There is nothing anyone can say with the limited information here. He is avoiding sex. He has a problem. He and you need help on this one.

Yoda out

Answer 4

There is a problem and if I were you I would stop asking him about it because he obviously doesn't want you to know. I would become a spy but you have to be good at it or you can get busted. Borrow a friends car and follow him one day to see what he does. You have a computer so you may want to see if you can figure out what he does on line. I can assure you there is something going on and its possibly another woman but whatever you do don't tell him you suspect him just do what I said and follow him. If you share a checking account then look at the bank account and see if he is spending money at flower shops or on things you haven't received. If you have cell phones check his cell records! Good luck and I hope you do well in figuring out what the deal is.

Answer 5

Some men have trouble seeing their wife as anything other than a "mommy" once she has a child. This could be part of it.

Some women never lose weight and get back into shape after having a child and this is a real turn off for their husbands.

Your husband may have something else that is bothering him and it's just showing up as a sexual issues when it really isn't. (For instance, he's having problems at work or something like that.)

Your husband may be having an affair.

Answer 6

He should see his doctor. Several conditions cause lack of libido... high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal imbalance, to name a few. All can be treated successfully. It is NOT NORMAL for a 30 yr old to not want sex. Meanwhile, try a little enticement. Next time you take a shower, walk around in just your towel for a while. Wear just a Tshirt, one that comes to mid butt. Wear just a Tshirt to bed. Try a new hairdo )not a complete makeover, just a new look). Some night, tell him you are going to bed and masterbate. He can come and watch, or join you if he wants. Or sit on the couch in the living room and start masturbating in front of him. Tell him that if he won't take care of you, then you will just take care of yourself. Don't threaten to cheat. Make it clear that you want only him.

Answer 7

Three things possibly. 1) one he could be gay. 2) was he in the delivery room with you when you had your children, seeing this may have put a damper on his sex toy. 3)The medication he is taking could be a factor. You have a right to know. If he will not tell you, then you need to look deeper (investigate) check the cell phone or follow him. I wish the best for you both.

Answer 8

Yes. I knew someone who had back problems. He was really sad because he could not perform well. But what you dont know is that guys have a huge pride problem. Honestly. If you want to get personal? Try oral sex. Then tell you want to get on top. Because untill he gets over his pride he will much rather not have sex then hurt the whole time while having it. Just talk. One love.

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Answer 9

You haven't given us too much to go on here? Is his back the main problem? Are you still carrying your post-pregnancy weight?
The older you get the more you have to work at keeping your sex drive going. You have to remain remain fit, healthy and active. You both have to communicate more, no matter what the subject/topic is.
You BOTH have to look after yourselves, you have to have time together away from your child. If you think its necessary its time to go to marriage counselling.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

My wife and I are going through the same thing. The bad part about it is that the longer we go, the more pressure is put on the whole act of intimacy for both of us. I strongly suggest you two seek couples therapy to see if you can open the line of communication. I know that it has worked for us.

Answer 11

He is older and his sex drive is as high anymore, He better shape up before you go and look for a younger man with more stamina. I hope that he isnt giving you any b/c he is getting it somewhere else. I advise you have a serious talk with him that you are sexually fustrated and you're getting fed up. This is Not because of you!