We're supposed to get married in 2 weeks.. should I go through with it?

Question

I'm very much in love with my fiancé, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but recently i've been feeling very afraid and contemplative. I've come to realize that he seems to have a problem with anyone he see's is too close to me, expecially my 2 best girlfriends who are really the sisters i've never had. He actually claims to hate them, with no appropriate reason. He knows how much it emotionally stresses me when he constantly complains about them, yet he never stops. Also in our religion, i'm required to listen to what he says.. and he's been implying that he'll not allow me to hang out with my friends, that he wants me all to himself. As much as I love him and want to make him happy, i'm a very independant person and I don't think I can settle with his rules. He always seems to be lecturing me about everything, but I know he does it out of concern.. I don't know if I can go through with this though, what do you all think? Thanks everyone.

Answer 1

run from him AND that religion.

Answer 2

Call off the wedding & go with your gut instincts!!!! No man should ever be jealous of his fiance's friends or treat her as though she was a possession. I don't know what your religion is, that you are to listen to what he says, but that's not a marriage, it's a dictatorship, & that won't work. Don't marry him thinking you have to give up your independence & be controlled by him. You will be miserable for the rest of your life & when children came along, it'll get worse. As for him lecturing you, that's not what it's all about when a person really loves someone. He sounds VERY insecure & that's his problem. Don't let anyone push you into marrying him or make you feel guilty if you don't. You are having such serious doubts about this upcoming marriage, as well you should. There's a man out there who is the one for you, who will never ever take away your independence. No man has the right to take that away from any woman. He's insecure if he wants to do so. You had to have seen these traits in this guy a long time ago, right? If you married this guy, you'd be the one who was always trying to make him happy & he would be too busy controlling you. Call the wedding off & move on.!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Of course not. And you know perfectly well you are making a big mistake. If he is authoritarian while you are merely engaged, then you can bet your bottom dollar he will be much worse when you are married. As you have said, the expectation in your religion is for full wifely obedience. This is all very well if you have a loving, reasonable and wise husband. It is not so hot when he is possessive and unreasonable. But you know all this. The problem you really should be seeking advice on is how to get out of this gracefully. The answer is you can't withdraw from the marriage without a great deal of upset and you will feel like a louse for a long time. This horrible feeling is nothing compared to the hell you are about to launch into for a lifetime. Its much worse when you have children to think of too - think carefully about that. You should also know that you are a decent intelligent woman who does not need to be lectured or bullied or told who she can be friends with. Thats absurd. You are an adult. Do what you know to be right - in the long run, you wont regret it.

Answer 4

A marriage is not only built on love, but trust and both parties should be respectful of one another and be allowed to be individuals. And bring that into the relationship. Marriage is not an ownership of another human being. I understand you're in love and you have stated you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Marriage will not change his expectations and beliefs. You are powerless over another person, remember that. You also appear to justify his behavior while claiming he lectures you out of concern. You are not a child unless this is the type of relationship you are wanting and requiring. A child needs an authoritive figure, and requires guidance, not an adult woman who states she's inderpendant, perhaps you are not aware that this relationship is in the early stages of dependent. An adult women should never use the words allowed, required, settle in regards to the person you are in love with. Instead of allowed, reclaim your right as a person, instead of required use your free will and choose, instead of settling create a difference and don't doubt yourself.
Ask yourself why does your partner feel the need to buy into the parental role? And why you feel you take part in the child role? We create our relationships and in what you have stated there seems to be a sturdy foundation that is
missing in order to build a healthy and lasting relationship....If you two want this marriage to have a chance you may want to go on a pre
marriage retreat,
seek relationship counceling or stop, look and seriously listen to the roles you are each creating....I hear the sincerity in your words of love and deep affection for him and that's just the half of it, don't sacrifice yourself in the end......If this is what you truly desire do whatever it takes to make it right......You will find that people treat you the way you treat you. The more
accepting and loving you are towards yourself, the more you will
attract loving and accepting people. They will come out of the
woodwork.


Here are some encouraging words you may find helpful~
Remember, we all have one chance at life if someone isn't helping you through love, support, kindness, belief, and patience and above all respect, move on......

The more you demean, criticize and find fault with yourself, the more
you will attract people to judge and criticize you. They too will
come out of the woodwork.

If you are not expressing love, you cannot experience being
loved......no matter how many people are loving you.

The more loving you are, the more creative is your mind and healthier
is your body.

The more unaccepting and angry you are, the more limiting is your
mind and vulnerable is your body.

The more you talk about the joys and pleasures of life (that's self-
love), the more joys and pleasures as people and situations you will
attract for you to talk about.

WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT.....YOU BRING ABOUT. That's just the way it
works.

The more you 'need' to be in a relationship, the more you will
attract relationships to keep you needy.

The more you realize how complete and extraordinary you really are
(that's self-love), the more you attract people that you feel secure
and confident about.

The more you have a difficult time being alone, the more you attract
people who have a difficult time being with you.

The more you appreciate your unique nature (that's self-love), the
more you attract people who love to hang out with you.
by Harvey Cohen

Answer 5

This sounds like an issue that should be discussed ahead of time, certainly. If this is a problem NOW, it will only get worse. Listening to what he says and entering into a dictatorship are two entirely different things. The old testament rules that some religions insist on espousing were done away with in the New Testament.

Talk about it - FAST. Getting married is not a cure-all for problems that are already there.

Answer 6

I don't care what religion a person has, "rules" should never take part in a relationship. You should never feel like you can't be with your friends. I would tell him straight off that you are listening to what he says, but it is NOT an option to get rid of your friends...ever. Explain to him that you are ALLOWED to have other people in your life, and not everything involves him. Tell him that you will put 100% into your marriage, but that you have every right to go out with the girls on occassion. Your not going to feel like a prisoner and your relationship together will be mutual. No controlling is going to take place. You need to have this long talk with him before you marry him. If he persists and says your not going to have any friends, I guess you need to make a decision on whether or not you want to feel captive for the rest of your life. Good luck.

Answer 7

Oh My god you described my life right there... my friends are my whole life and I will always choose them over any guy cause they know best a couple of years ago I moved away to a different state to be with my fiance at the time... they spent alot of money to come up and surprise me... my fiance wasn't very happy about it cracked the $hits with me and them.. basically he called them Sluts because they took up alot of my time and he called them immature and it ended in an all out brawl between my friends and him and I was stuck in the middle... not the best place to be... what i did was tell him that If i had to choose between my friends and him I would choose my friend I made that clear to him so he knoew exactly how important they are to me.. Then I told him that under no circumstances is he to disrespect my friends around me and at all times to show them respect... They still don't like eachother but they all love me and keep the peace for my sake.. it might be time to agree to disagree and come to a compromise that you can both handle.. I have been married to my now husband for 2 years and although he still doesn't like my friends we have managed to keep it friendly... good luck... Just make and agreement now and tell him to deal with it or the wedding is off... Friends are way more importnant

Answer 8

Your fiance seems very controlling, going by what you've told me!
I would seriously postpone the wedding!
If person is planning on getting married, there should be no room for doubts!
You have some, so this alone, is enough to not go through with it yet.
When you enter into a marriage, two people get tgether, sometimes from different upbringings, or backgrounds, but the fact that they are getting married,this is then a bondship of partnership, where things need to come to a compromise. ie your friendship. I suggest you talk things out with him. take it from there

Answer 9

Don't do it. The second both of you say "I do" your loving relationship is over. Here are the facts of life you need to learn now or you are going to learn them the hard way:

1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike the other answers you will get.

Answer 10

Good grief. He is not lecturing you out of concern, he is lecturing you out of a sense of being able to control you like a dog on a leash, and it will only get worse if you marry him.

Why would you belong to a religion that makes you subordinate and nothing more than a child with no mind of her own or ability to choose what you would like to do in life? Please rethink this, you deserve better than that. The kinds of males who gravitate to religions like that are usually controlling, abusive types who seem "maybe ok, not so bad" before marriage, but become extremely controlling and abusive after marriage. Is that how you want any children you might have, to be raised? Is that the kind of example you want to set for your sons, or for your daughters to see you controlled and abused?

Get out now, get away from him and from that religion too.

Answer 11

That isn't concern, that is him trying to isolate you. This is a HUGE red flag. Ask your friends-- they will agree that this is not okay. Do not go through with the marriage until the two of you go through some counseling. What religion are you? Sounds like you may need to relook at that as well. You are no less human, and no less capable. This doesn't seem like the best situation for you. Sorry.