How are you coping with it, and do you find this a fairly common problem in the US? I am grateful for all I have, have made friends here, and do not use an addiction to deal with the pain. Have tried my best to further communicarions between myself and my family but to no avail. It seems that my acceptance is called for,and I continue to aim for that. But being rejected by those I love at this time of the year and of my life is very hard to deal with. Has anyone else on here had to face this, and how are you handling it? I volunteer and reach out to others, also have two kitties. Thanks, xo.
2007-12-16 09:45:25 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Anyone with a thoughtful, half-caring mind can send an email, text by phone, call by phone or at least send a stamped letter or card to another person. But, some choose not to. This is not your fault!
The thing is, people are so strung up by what they have as priorities, [*read mindless egos here*] it gets very painful for those of us who are longing and 'waiting' to hear from a loved one and carry happy memories of them.
Lessons are: when they no longer have 5 minutes, just once a year [!], to communicate with you.... it is time for you to stop waiting, pick up that invisible walking stick and get on with your life's path. I've saddly learned that even when that little 'hope' that a loved one 'MIGHT' communicate keeps you going... you do keep going.... but with worries, sorrows and tears. Stop waiting, get on with your life. Be happy, leave them to their lives, they chose their path[s] without you. It is NOT your fault. It is sad to think this way... but it is fact AND sanity.
I've waited 10 yrs to hear anything from my eldest son, and I have no idea why he doesn't correspond nor care to. My youngest son seems to have joined that same mind frame and hasn't communicated in over 2 yrs. It feels like a death of a child for me, times two; so I have to move on. You can't make someone love or care for you... it is their choice alone. I do have to laugh tho', even though my daughter and I had rough times 'in the teenage yrs." we are the best of friends now.
May you be blessed by all who meet you, may you be blessed by strangers who can be more caring than 'loved ones', may you have a long and healthy life. Brush and play with your kitties for me... I have no pets, now.
Anyway, you can look in the mirror at yourself and know that you ARE worth something, YOU give your all and are a very caring person!
Best of health/weath and be of good cheer! Happy holidays!
2007-12-17 22:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by caves51 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is common in the US. Most of todays generation think only of material things and themselves and don't want to be bothered with elderly parents. They have contact only when they want something. I have good friends who are in the same boat and we do things together. We have all learned how to deal with it and we help each other. I have also seen how "family" acts when someone dies.The "family" will be surprised when I die and am a dollar overdrawn. No fighting there. Yes, what I do have I'm going to spend.
2007-12-16 21:32:53 · answer #2 · answered by SandyO 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Yes, Yes, Yes.
I don't see it as a problem. I am glad they rejected me. I dn't have to spend money on them or cook or put up with them telling me I am too ole.
You need to live your life out and finish it the way you want. Don't worry. I just moved across the continent so I don't have to listen or run into them. I have meet many seniors and we are all happy and living in Penticton BC. When and if they miss you they will come looking for you.
We are not in the Brady bunch family lifestyle anylonger. And we as seniors have a life and have good times and we adopt one another as sisters and brothers. I love it. I have one kitten and she is just lovely.
You snap out of it an have fun. xxxooo
merry one to you. have a shot of baileys
its goooood medicine. My grannie told me never feel sad for more than 1 minute a day. cause you are wasting life an that minute that you could be laughing.
2007-12-16 17:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by clara M. 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Yes I deal with it since moving here to SC. At the time My son lived in Boston and was too busy for me to see him. He moved back to FL, has a partner and has radically changed. He doesn't return phone calls, doesn't invite me down to see him, has 2 houses some property and a sucessful practice. He always has had a problem, he can only care about one person at a time, since his dad and I divorced when he was 2, it created a problem and he is easily influenced by his dad's side of the family. He can have a self righteous attitude. I choose not to dwell on it, it only hurts ME, not him. I keep the door open but I am not chasing him, when or if he wants a relationship, he can call. I refuse to set myself up to be hurt, it is only my tears, not his. Frankly, I am done being hurt. I choose to be happy with or without them in my life. It is my attitude that changed. A couple of months ago, one of our posters wrote that he was the one persuing his sons, and a answerer wrote him that it is him that wanted the relationshp, and maybe his son didn't. I thought it was very harsh, but then I realized at least in my case, it was true, I wanted the relationship, apparently he does not. I had to let go of the idea to protect my heart and sanity
2007-12-16 20:03:41 · answer #4 · answered by slk29406 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I have been rejected by friends and family for over 12mths now, I had a stalker who was getting into my house and no one believed me even though I'm not someone who tells lies. They tried to have me put in Mental Hospital but to no success since I found out who the stalker was (a close family friend) and discovered the truth no one wants to no me. I am now on anti-depressants and hope that time heals the pain but somehow I dont think its something anyone gets over being rejected by the ones we love, I think we have to live with the pain and hope it gets easier. I have 2 children and they have suffered immensely.
2007-12-16 18:15:40 · answer #5 · answered by lucy_luvs_luv 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I haven't seen my brother or any of my other relatives since my mothers funeral in 1980. My mom was the one that kept everyone together and I always took the first step to make up after disagreements. I told my husband that I would wait and see how long it took for anyone to contact me. I'm still waiting. You have to make a life for yourself and not rely on family. Volunteering is a gift you give yourself.
2007-12-16 22:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Donna 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Most of my family started rejecting me over 5 years ago. It started with just one self righteous sister who thinks she is God, then slowly spread like a disease. When my dad was still alive things were better, when they all got on their high horse, he'd kick their butts(figuritively) and tell them to get over themselves. But he died of cancer in 1997 and now they seem to have free reigning control of that high horse. It hurt me a lot at first because I am a nice person and cannot see that I have ever said or done anything to hurt any of them. They just don't like the way I live my life. But in recent years I've learned to lean on my friends and distance myself from my family. You can't hang onto something or someone who hurts you all the time. This time of year it does hurt more. I deal with it by finding something to take my mind off of them, friends, music, a movie.. just keeping busy.Hang in there ok?
2007-12-16 18:59:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
you have 2 kitties,i like people who like kitties.i too feel much rejection by all the family,it seems as i get older,the family gets further apart.a lot of the cousins and such get their knickers in a wad over eny little thing,and i feel that is their loss.i called my elderly aunt a few months ago and asked her if i could get a picture of my father[dads sister] and she told me i had to call her some other time and make a appointment for a visit.well i never did call her back.seems like after dad died every one went their separate ways,but golly he has been dead 32 years its time they changed but at 86 she wont.went up and saw some cousins a few years ago,and they acted like they didn't even know me,and told me they just didn't remember the good ole days.oh well i could write a book .god bless
2007-12-16 18:13:54 · answer #8 · answered by alcaholicdemon 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I got "dumped" a long time ago.
At first I was only contacted when money was needed. then it was to listen to the marital squabbles. then it seemed to me that my 4 daughters became total bitchez. They even hate each other. They began addressing me as a has-been or a fossil or someone who was just out of touch.
My response was to make a new life
for myself and to exclude them.
We now have no communication.
They don't know really if I'm dead or
alive.
I DID receive a card from the oldest one. What was her message of love?
She wants to know if our "family" has
a history of heart problems because
she now has to see a Cardiologist
So now, even her (maybe) heart problems are caused by being a part
of my genes.
It doesn't bother me anymore. I just
try not to grow bitter. I have already
decided not to let any of them know
when I die. I have given phony
next-of-kin names and addresses.
My plan is to come back and haunt
them.
2007-12-16 19:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Yes..I,too, have felt this rejection and for years, I felt sad around the holidays. Unlike you, I did not try to communicate with my family...I felt they were toxic to my soul and so avoided any contact with them. I coped by forming a "family of choice", socialized with people who shared some of my own values...like "honesty, respect" and those basics so absent from my family. Today, I have a much better relationship with them, individually than ever before. The healing has come about because I no longer expect them to be someone they are NOT. I am comfortable in my own skin and no longer need or want their approval.
2007-12-16 17:53:15 · answer #10 · answered by Barbara A 5 · 12⤊ 0⤋