Things to talk about before getting hitched?

Question

I have some noticed some couples getting married or have been maried for awhile that never discussed many key topics. Such as, birth control, how many children- when, religion, finances (what is priority) ect. ect. What was the most beneficial thing that you talked about that helped your marriage or you want to be sure to talk about before you get married? Also how important was this, and which topic do you think is most important to talk about and why?

I aske because before I got married I had many topics that I wanted to make sure my husband was with same mind on certain topics. The main one being that I wanted a lot of kids and soon- scary topic to approach with fiance-- but as soon as the subject was mentioned he felt the same way! almost more so then me! I feel like if we hadnt discussed these issues we probably would both be trying to accomadate the norm because we assumed that is what the other spouse wanted. Also with other issues we we already know how the other feels and easier to approach since we know how we feel about it. It seems like so far it has been a benefit to myself but I wonder if it seems like it has been a big impact to anyone as well.

What is with all the thumbs down on everyones answers? Some of them are really good?

Answer 1

My husband and I have always been very open and honest about our pasts so we each know where the other is coming from and what ghosts may haunt us.

Answer 2

I think background about one another and future plans and desires is the biggest thing to discuss. You do not want to end up marrying someone who has a completely different outlook for the future. I know I discussed all this with my husband. It also helped to find out more about one another based on our goals. Religion is also important to discuss especially if each person practices religion or if they have different religions. My husband and I are the same religion but that was not always the case. So we had to discuss what we were going to bring up our future kids as. We decided to tell them about all the different religions and let them decide for themselves. But a lot of times people are more closed minded about that sort of thing so that is very important to discuss. Also who will handle finances, who will do certain things. As a couple you need to discuss what is expected before getting married.

You certainly do not want to marry someone who expects you to stay home and take care of everything if you expect to go out and run a business or vice versa.

There are a lot of books to help with this sort of thing. They provide the questions that should be asked and answered. I suggest to anyone to take a look at a book that explains what to expect and what you should know. It certainly helped me and my husband realize we were more ready for marriage then we assumed we were.

Answer 3

You discuss EVERYTHING. Whether you WANT to have children, how many and WHEN you will WANT to start having them as well as how to discipline them when they start coming. WHERE you will live, Whether both partners are going to be working outside the home and how the housework is to be distributed. How involved inlaws are going to be in your lives, how you spend holidays before and after you have children. You need to discuss your spiritualism (religion/culture), You will need to discuss remaining in communication with one another as well as both with your children if you have any. You need to decide how money is to be distributed, if you both are going to work how are the finances going to be handled, will one paycheck be paying the bills while the other goes into the savings account? Will you have a joint account along with two seperate accounts for you both? Are you going to have credit cards? Who is going to be the primary carrier of the cards? What about medica/dental insurance who's is going to be primary? What about cars? Are they going to be held jointly or will there be only one on the registration. When and if you have children how will they be educated, homeschooled? Public school? Private? Religious?
Basically you will need to discuss everything that deals with your lives together and the wants and needs of BOTH of you and what you can compromise on and what you aren't willing to compromise on.

Answer 4

The most important thing I think every couple should discuss before marriage is in-laws. My husband and I did not discuss each others parents and families before we got married and that was a huge mistake.

My father in-law did not toast us at our reception and was the first person to leave our wedding reception. He was probably only there 30 minutes before he left to go to a party.

Not even a week after our honeymoon he sent my husband an e-mail attacking myself, our marriage, and my family. He basically implied that I was an evil woman, that my family is full of horrible people, and how much he despised the fact that his son had married me. He also told us not to visit him, because he wanted nothing more to do with us.

After this e-mail his fiance sent an e-mail to my e-mail address, saying that I was nothing more than a child and that I'd make a horrible mother (I was pregnant at the time.)and she continued attacking my character. (I'm a college student on the dean's list, have never even had a speeding ticket and play by all the rules)

This caused many problems between my husband and I, and a lot of hurt words were said between the two of us, and I honestly wasn't sure in those first couple of months of marriage that we would make it even 6 months married. (We had been together 2 years and lived together over 1)

It wasn't until after many marriage counseling sessions that we were able to even speak about his father or his fiance. We have since seen his Dad at various times, although he will not step foot in our home and he never once showed concern for us after I miscarried our first child. We have not seen his fiance since, but supposedly we are going to have to see her sometime in the next 10 days, which is still a situation that we cannot talk about without fighting.

I have never been so disrespected by two individuals before in my life and to think that they are a part of my family sickens me. I have no feelings for either of them, and I am very sad for my husband that he has a father who would treat him in such a manner.

I am not able to forgive either of them because they have never apologized to me and they feel like they are 100% in the right about me, which they aren't. Honestly, when they aren't around and aren't in our lives we are the happiest.

I urge you to talk to your fiance about what role your families will play in your life and how they truly feel about you, and what you would do in a situation like this.

Best of luck to you! I pray that you have loving in-laws.

Answer 5

Money and Religion because those are the leading things that will break up a marriage. If you are not on the same page with these two things then you are going to have a lot of trouble.

I should know, religion is the main sticking point my wife and I have at the moment. When my lil girl grows up I don't want her to go to daddy's church one week and mama's church the next....too confusing for a kid.

Answer 6

I talked about babies with my hubby before we got married because I felt like he was afraid to have more (he got 2 from the past), and i knew i definitely wanted my own!We did talk a few times,but never in a serious long conversation,its just me making it clear to him that i wanted babies & I can't marry someone who doesn't want baby with me...something like that. It was very important to me because since I was a teen I knew I must have my own baby.
Our baby now is 3 months old!She's lovely and adorable!!
That was the only thing that I did some talkings to him before I finally said yes to him.
I knew his financial situation,so did he,not really talked about anything on this.
Looking back...mmmm, you're right, we didn't really talk about many key things....gosh...!
Fortunately, we are still happily married,even though there're some chaos now n again.
Im too busy with the new born at the mo!!

Answer 7

How to manage the money, who will do what chores, expectations as far as children, religion, how and where you will spend holidays ( this is turning out to be a major issue for my daughter as he in laws want them there every weekend and holiday ) Discuss, plan,but remain flexible. Things dont always go as planned. I think you are a very sensible person for being aware of the need to do this!

Answer 8

I totally agree with you. I think the very most important thing is sharing their religion. The truly happiest marriages I've ever seen consisted of both sharing their religion. If you share your religion, things such as finances and children/birth control come along naturally with your religious beliefs.

For example, both hubby and I are traditional Catholic which meant that we both agreed that I should stay home, we should have as many children as God would bless us with (no birth control) and important financial decisions would be shared, but mostly initiated by the man of the house. :)

Answer 9

Does he make you experience particular? Does he like your loved ones? Do you like his? Does he cope with you with admire and instruct appreciation for issues you do for him? Is he a accountable guy or woman? Does he look to make sound judgements that comprise not purely his terrific pastime yet additionally you and your toddler? those are substantial issues to verify. i understand, regrettably, i'm at present interior the middle of divorce after 18 years with this guy. I in no way extremely concept approximately his "loss of"...pastime, attention, straight forward pastime. the money, insurance and loyalty are all substantial, yet so are the different issues i discussed. Have an prolonged not hassle-free think of on the subject of the guy you plan to assert "I do" to. by using the way, I even have continuously had my very own financial corporation account which became into good for me to do some guilt loose spending if i mandatory to yet we certainly have a joint account for value reductions.

Answer 10

I think religion is a big thing. If you both have different religions it can affect your beliefs on different issues. It's good to know that your spouse will not try to force you into their religion/beliefs. If you talk about it now you won't have so many arguments or struggles when raising your children or birth control... etc.

Answer 11

Everything you mentioned is important to discuss. My husband and I talked about religion, he converted to mine. We also discussed money matter and children. Those were the three major things. I told him that I do not like sports on t.v. but would go to live events with him. We had our money separate and paid bills jointly.