I'm Still Angry at Him. Should I Tell Him -- for the upteenth time -- or Just Go On With Life?

Question

I posted a question two months ago about how I had not seen my husband in over 3 weeks. Shortly after that post, my husband and I were reconnected. At first I was very happy, especially to find out that I had NOT been abandoned. But for the last few weeks, I find myself still very, very, very ANGRY at him for all the stuff that he has put me through in this first year of marriage. It's like some days I love him, and then the next day, I hate him! Alot of the issues that I am angry about have not been resolved! In the past, I have told him about these matters, and he doesn't seem to see the signifance of them. Since we've been reconnected, I have not told him that I am still resentful and angry with him. It's eating me up; but I am pretty sure that if I said anything, he would again not consider these matters as significant. I find that the anger is growing and growing; and what I do now is I just try to avoid him on a day when I'm angry so that I won't explode.

Some of you may remember me from previous postings. Sound familiar? - we never got a marriage certificate; he turned out to be in his 50's instead of his 30's (I'm 25); he never introduced me to his family and he refused to meet mine; he didn't inform me of his real name; he never wanted to take photos together; he seemed hesitant about introducing me as his wife to Lebanese; he would insist that I retreat to the back room when others came to the business; and the list goes on. I'm that lady from before! Some of you should remember me. For those of you who don't, well that's my story.

Oh, and he's Lebanese-American; I'm 100% American

Answer 1

There has got to be some way to work this out ..have you considered counseling......that way you can work it out as a team...they way a marriage is uspposed to be ...I wish my X would've he walked ou ton me I didnt hear from him for months..no whe regrets it but its too late and I know now we were not meant to be together...we got married way too soon!
So we have became friends but unfortunately its tooo late
Another thing you need to deal with that anger its not good for you to hold onto it...doesn't mean its not valid because it is and He needs to respect that..but you need to talk to him calmly and rationally .....because if he senses your anger too harsh he'll be more defensive and that just creates more animosity.
You've only been married a year, but look at i nowand if it cant be resoved its better to find out now than years later.....
I only had two 1/2yrs invested in my marrieage but marriage is something you gotta work on as a team not opposing fronts.
I hope you two can work this ou tsounds like there is love there and thats a good start I really wish you lots of luck
and Have a Happy Christmas and New Year

Answer 2

Nothing in your life right now is not a lie, Your husband should walk home to Lebanon with lead in his pockets. You may damn well feel mad, your husband is a total fraud, and the quicker you get a divorce, the better off you will be. At 50, he won't change,women in his culture are not respected and if he goes whoring around, You are just to accept what he does. You should be able to get a divorce easily with his lying all the time. You were defrauded into this marriage, and You will continue to get the short end of everything, because that's the way he wants it. Be an American Woman and stand up for your rights. this is not the middle east, and he doesn't know that.

Answer 3

I dont get it how you are married, you didn't know his real age (between 50 and 30 even a Lebanese man will show his age) but anyway how you didnt know his real age, and how you are married and you never had a marriage certificate. Who married you? and how you are married to him while he dissapper for 3 weeks then he return back.

What I think is he is Lebanese Muslim from Shiite sect. And what he did is a marriage called "pleasure marriage" and not a real legal marriage. It is a Marriage allowed by the religion (shiite) to perform if he want to go for performing sex for a period of time that he decide. Thats would be the only explanation for a marriage thats doesnt have a marriage certificate, and he dissappear for 3 weeks and return back

Answer 4

An idea may be to keep a journal of your problems and just write them down at night. It'll give you a chance to let your rage out and calm down. Talking or writing about what's wrong usually helps you to see the viewpoint of someone else, or at least calm you down. Even if this does help, you should talk to your husband. A marriage is not meant for constant, or even intermittent, rage. Tell him what irks you, but stay calm and try not to make your conversation into a confrontation, as he will get defensive. Explain that because you are a married couple he really should take you seriously, and compromises must be made (on your part as well!). Encourage him to tell you when he thinks there's a problem, and feel no qualms about telling him yours. If he simply disconnects from you, it shows a childish nature of simply trying to ignore his problems, and it'll be time for counseling or, more drastically, a divorce.

Answer 5

You should tell him. Get it off of your chest. you can't keep on living like that. It's completely unfair, mostly to you but I suppose to him to. Does he care that he's living a lie? If he really loves you, he'll want to make you happy.

You should definitely come to some sort of resolution both of you can live with. If he left you, he's pretty much forfeited most of his rights to what HE wants for himself. If you tell him and he still does nothing, I would really look into moving on. You've only got this one go. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't really love you. Maybe (I know how lame and hackneyed this sounds) you should get counseling. As a neutral ground where you both can talk about what's hurting ou and what you can each do to stop it. There's ALWAYS a compromise. And, maybe, that compromise is ending this. To find peace. But you have to do what's best for you. I really think you two would benifit from a third party. If you've brought this up before and he doesn't care, then you have serious problems. If he's not going to treat you like you deserve, then he has no reason to expect anything from you. But please figure this out. You can stop this anger and this pain yourself.

You need to talk about it. He may or may not listen. I don't know. I don't know him, or you. But I've lived through being left enough times to know how it feels to be used and ignored. Don't be used. It's evil. Don't ALLOW yourself to be used. If you let him walk all over you, it's as much your fault if you're unhappy as it is his. Tell him how you feel. If he really loves it, he'll want to fix it. Unless he's impared and there's some substance in his life that he is unable to place you above, or he's just that heartless, he'll listen to you. And if he doesn't, you can move on with a light heart, because you've tried. You've done everything that YOU could possibly do to fix it.

Answer 6

Its obvious that you love him very much or you wouldn't even be in this situation in the first place.....

But if you are truly willing to continue with this man, then your feelings have to be taken into very high consideration. You can't hold anything inside or it will blow up in your faces at any future moment and bring irreversible consequences to the relationship....At some point, you won't transition back to the love stage from your hate/angry stage...it will be over :-( You owe it to yourself to let him know whats going on...

Communication is the key!!! Sit him down, tell him,"maybe you're tired of hearing this but you have to know that..." "and if I tell you this its because I love you and I want our marriage to work..." I need to be sure that you really understand what I've gone through and be sure that you respect the way I feel....I need to know that its not going to happen again....."

Anyway, you get the drift. Do keep in mind that Lebanese (or Arab men in general) are not very easy to communicate with and don't express themselves very well by culture.....it may take some effort from your part but be persistent...let him know its not a threat, you're not interrogating him....your just sharing your feelings and thoughts with him....with your "partner"....

Good luck in all cases :-)

Answer 7

:) i was just wondering how you were the other day since I had not receieved an email from you for a while.. Well Im glad you found your husband.. not so glad you would let someone hurt you and keep him around. I will tell you something I learned ok... In any situation you have 2 choices 1. Accept what he did forget it accept that he will always treat you this way and move on.
or
2. Leave his butt and find a man who deserves you who will not treat you so badly.
If you are just seeking help on how to cope because you want to be with him...then I suggest trying to forget what he did to you and try to accept that this will be your new life.
email me if you want :) I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 8

I was in a similar situation once and for the the growing anger would never go away. I was resentful about alot of things. I cared but I felt like I needed him to do something about how I felt to show me that he cared I ws upset and he continued to not show any remorse or any adhearance to the misery I was in. One day I just couldnt take it any more. I just left. It hurt and I was stunned myself at first but once it sank in what I had done. I never felt better that I had stuck up for myself. You can never make them care they have to want to care with out coaching...You will never feel more impowered as a woman than you will when you are on you own getting all you deserve.

Answer 9

I think you should get away for a while and try to clear your head. But, don't yell or do anything out of anger towards him because picking a fight could cause some serious problems. Something you need to ask yourself is what do you want him to say or do when you share with him your feelings. The past can't be changed.

Answer 10

I'm lost.Do u mean your husband just left u for 3 weeks? If thats the case then why are u still with him.Please make your questions clearer if u want some advise.I will say this.If u are upset u need to talk to him about it.If he doesn't care how u feel then u need to ask him why.This angry u have will not leave.You will just end up resenting him.Good luck