We've been together 4 yrs and engaged two of those years. Why would he get engaged if he wasn't happy? He bought a house next door soon after we got engaged and rented it out to a family he knows. They are heavy partyers and drinkers and he started hanging out there all the time. he doesn't want to do anything but stay there for over a yr. He doesn't do anything around HIS house. I asked why. He said it's because he doesn't care about this house anymore. I then asked why he is always next door. He said it's because he's done and hasn't been happy with me since we've been together. I am very hurt and have alot of questions. Like why did he get engaged in the first place? Also, things got bad when THEY moved in next door. I asked him to go to couseling. He said no. He's done and I don't get that it's over and couseling won't help because there is nothing there anymore and he doesn't want to talk. He then left to go next door and then came home soon after. Why did we get enaged then?
2007-12-16 07:40:59 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him and move on. He's certainly not ready to date let alone get married. Do you really want to be with someone who says he's unhappy with you? It seems that he's left you and moved on with his life so you need to tell him to leave you alone and that it's over. I'm sure you're hurt and wonder what on earth he is thinking or why he wanted to date you and get engaged but he probably won't answer those questions. Just be grateful that he told you now before you got married. Ditch the loser.
2007-12-16 07:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Rockit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm sorry to hear about this. At least he informed you of this BEFORE you guys got married. It sounds like hanging with the neighbors are more important than being with you. Did he start doing drugs or something? I can't answer why he got engaged in the first place, but you are much better than that. If he'd rather spend time next door, then let him. Pack up your stuff and leave. Let him come home to an empty house after his partying. If he's unwilling to go to counseling now.... IF you guys do get married then he will be unwilling to go then too. Sounds like he's not putting very much effort into what you guys have/had.
2007-12-16 07:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by Riley's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows why he got engaged! Maybe he felt differently at the time of the proposal but something has been going on next door! What ever the reasons are, he is very clear that he doesn't want to be with you anymore! You don't want to be with someone who says he's done, do you? He says it can't be salvaged? Move On and stop dwelling in the past. He's an azzhole no matter how you slice it.
2007-12-16 07:50:23 · answer #3 · answered by I know a lil' bit about that 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Holy moly. I think he's telling you that you're not engaged any more. It may not feel like it now, but from what little you've said, it's for the best - for YOU. Better to know this about him now than after you've been married and after you've had children.
Take some time to mourn the loss of your relationship and then get yourself together to take on the world without a guy that doesn't even know what he wants in life. (As demonstrated by him staying for over a year a relationship that didn't make him happy.)
2007-12-16 07:48:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but this man doesn't seem to know what he wants and only cares to live in the moment. he is hurtful and mean and treating you like you have no feelings at all. Personally it sounds to me like he wants to be free to be with other women especially since he has been partying with the people next door. He will not agree to counseling because he wants his cake and eat it to and facing a therapist will make him look at how selfish and insensitive he is! You need to cut him out of your life and get around good people that can support you in doing that. I realize how difficult that will be though with his Friends next door and him going there to hang out with the idiot neighbors but you have to put a wall up and ignore him. I would refuse at this point to talk or discuss anything with him because this will say more than words to him! Don't let him get any reaction out of you what so ever because then he knows that he can get to you and control your feelings and emotions. If he says that it is over then believe him and don't go after him and make a fool out of yourself in front of him. No matter what you feel keep it to yourself and talk with a good friend that you trust. Some people are just not worth the best of our feelings from the heart...and even though we think we know them we can be taken off guard and surprised when they take us forgranted and they let their true personalities come out. He is not the man for you and his actions speak louder than words. get over him , under him and do what you have to do because you do not deserve to be treated this way. Take care and best of luck.
2007-12-16 09:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation..But he wait to long to said he doesnt care anymore..
But for you, you have to let him go and you know why? Because he already said NO to couseling or responsability..His not interesting in a relationship, and for a relationship you neet to people to be interest. Love not please, Already this term relationship and has no basis, which is whether or not the house is yours or where they live on it, but I recommend that you move to avoid further pain, in a relationship that term by him.
Sorry, but you have to move on, you will someone in the future, to value you as a person and as a woman.
2007-12-16 07:50:49 · answer #6 · answered by FallenAngel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok Because he's a Jerk, Sorry to say girl but it's time to move on
I know it sounds harsh but what would you call someone who just goes through the motions like that for 4 years and then tells you he's done
I mean you could talk to him and try to find out why his feelings for you have changed and why he waited so long to tell you
But Be Prepared hunny it's time to move on
Sounds like you got used big time
2007-12-16 07:56:42 · answer #7 · answered by rebel_angel031 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The writing is on the WALL. Again my question is why do woman feel compelled to stay together with a destructive person. Why do you feel you cannot make the right decision or have the power to change things in your life for the better? Go find a woman's group for crying out loud.
2007-12-16 07:47:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetheart it's hard but you know now. What are you going to do? Surely you need to muster up the strength to move forward? If he does come back and say it was a big mistake, how do you know he won't do this again? Find your feet again go out with friends and heal. You deserve better than this. xx
2007-12-16 08:11:27 · answer #9 · answered by shaunie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ill say get out of his life!!!! this guy its not ready to settle down... get out of his house before you end up paying his mess... about why he propose maybe he wasn't sure and he thought asking you would help him to be sure.... guys are like that one minute they know another they don't want you any more specially those that are not ready to get married yet ... i say let him be sooner or later his friends will leave him alone cause people cant party forever and hes going to end up alone and then he will realize what he had with you and its over .... do not take him back... hes a loser that doesn't deserve you at all.
2007-12-16 07:53:32 · answer #10 · answered by edie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋