My husband was a player before he married me and to this day I have a hard time dealing with it, he played hun

Question

hundreds of women, getting them drunk and then sleeping with them. I don't throw it in his face but how would you deal with it, being a woman and everything. Its kind of unnerving. Looking back I know he suffered from antisocial personality disorder but its till hard to reconcile, especially since the women were young. I know that my calling is to be a loving, and supportive wife but how do you handle it, especially since he has little respect for women still and basically used them just because he thought it was his right. How do I deal ?

I married him because I have alot of problems and he is the only one who can put up with them.

Answer 1

Just use the same reasoning you did that enabled you to marry him, in the first place. You two need to talk about this, especially his continued lack of respect for women. That has to change.
C. :)!!

Answer 2

Presumably you accepted this when you married him. I wonder what's making you worry about it now. If he's behaving in a manner that's making you suspicious, you should confront him.

There's an old saying that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. Unless he's actually recognized that he had a problem and is doing things to fix whatever was wrong with him, then I think there's cause for concern...but only if he's demonstrating these old behaviours now.

If he does behave again as he has in the past, and doesn't do something about it once he's been found out, I don't hold out much hope that he'll change...no matter how loving and supportive you are.

Answer 3

Hi

Sorry but you can not deal no matter how much you love him. If he dosnt respect woman, HOW DO YOU THINK HE WILL RESPECT YOU?

you can not help him UNTIL HE ACCEPT HIS ERROR...No matter what you do if he dont accept your help in any way, is a lost cause..

What you have is not a relationship sorry, but when someone dosnt want to received help or think his ok, you will lose every battle.

The only thing you can do is the separation but you have to let him know why are you living him, and that you love him and for that love you can not watch him destroying his life and yours.

You need to separate from him for around 3 month if he dosnt seek help, his not interest in your help or the marriage.

Answer 4

This is something you should've thought about BEFORE you married him...apparently you thought you could deal with it or that it didn't matter...why is it an issue now?

Personally, unless I was sure someone had changed I wouldn't get involved with such a person. If I was sure (as I could be) that they had changed, then I wouldn't waste time worrying about what they did in the past. The present and future are what's important.

Answer 5

UM... how did you deal with it when you were dating? Why did you take an oath with him if you had so many doubts?

YOU need to ACCEPT that YOU chose to be with HIM - that means his PAST too, dear. What is DONE is DONE, it is gone and over, and nobody can do a dang thing about it!! I don't blame him for not having respect for women - any reason you need him to?? As long as he respects YOU, that is all that matters. Women can only be "used" if they let themselves be - - that does not apply to you, so don't worry about it.

YOU BETTER get over this feeling of "guilt" over HIS past. JUST KEEP asking yourself EVERY time the thought crosses your mind: WHAT can either of us DO now about the PAST? WHAT has he done NOW to give me REASON to think so negatively about him?

Answer 6

If you felt this way, then why did you marry him?

As long as he's changed his ways and you know he's not playing you then dont' judge him by his past. Everyone has done stuff for whatever reason in the past adn may not be proud of it. Just try not to think about his past and focus on the present and what you guys have now. I know it's easier said than done but you're going to drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking that.

Answer 7

If you knew this when you married him it is a little late to be second guessing your husband and you need to just let it go....
If you didn't know ahead of time and you found out later you need to sit down and talk with him and ask him why he decided to settle down now..... Trust is the most important thing in a relationship . People change and you need to respect your husband how ever he needs to respect you also...

Answer 8

not sure why you married someone when you had conflicting feelings towards them. There is nothing for you to deal with other than you living with your own decisions. If he hasn't been a player since the two of you married, then the only thing I can say is you have to get over it.

Answer 9

what was that part of the marriage vow u evidentally didn't understand: "...and forsaking all others..."

"he was a player before he married me"

key word: BEFORE.

u can't deal with what he did before he married u but u have no problem saying he is the only one who can deal with your problems...what kinda meds u on? u need more.

here's a guy whom isn't playing anymore; who cares what he thought and did in the past, and who is taking care of u no matter what u think of him in his past and u have a problem with what he did before he was with u...wow.

u r just being a baby, grow up and love your husband like he loves you, with respect.

Answer 10

did you know he was a player when you marriedhim? if not you should have waited longer to get married and knew all about him. if so this is nothing new to you and you should focus on the reasons you decided to marry him knowing his past. now you are married so try not to dwell in his past, im sure you wouldnt like him dwealing in your past. if you dont move ahead this will eat up your marriage like a cancer