my mother in-law lives with us im so frustated!?

Question

my husbad is the only son, his mother is 64 years old and they have always lived together, now 2 years ago we got married he was 33 then i was 21, anyway his mother has been living with us in our apartment, i knew she would live with us but I never tought she would affect my marriage this bad!she pretends shes the one who rules there, like shes OUR mother and tells her son what to do and gets in his business ohhh... I hate her so much! she calls her friends and tell them about our life etc. she gets in our arguments its horribe! she even has come to tell him to choose between her or me! and I feel so sad inside beacuse to him she is everything for him and I feel like he prefers her! she doesnt work so she stays everyday home watching tv and i cant even change the channel, i have to go in my room and watch it there, sometimes I dont even want to come ou from my room as long as i dont have too see her! his is not life!But i love him! what can i do to make her leave us alone!

Answer 1

Your husband is going to have to grow some sack if he wants his marriage to last. The day you got married, you should have become #1.
His mother is taking advantage and your husband is allowing it. He is as much at fault as she is. Don't put up with it. It will make you crazy. You deserve to have a peaceful homelife with your husband.

Answer 2

Hi hon wow this is terrible, and I am a person with a good heart will do anything to help someone within reason.She is only 56 not senile and knows right from wrong. There is no respect for you from her maybe deep down inside she really does not care for you.Your fiance is the one you need to talk with first tell him you can't and will not deal with this any longer.And then start making arrangements for her to move in an apt which I feel is better. You did not say If she had an income and you guys can help her out.She has control over your home right now and I would not stand for it.Send her and her heirloom packing.And then you need to inform her that that is your home and she will respect you as long as she remains there .Tell her you work and she needs to clean up behind her self you are no ones maid and mean it when you say it, and the sooner you find her and her dog a place the better off you will be then go and pick out your ring and let it become an heirloom from the starting of your own family.Good luck sweetie.

Answer 3

Oh mother-in-laws can be a hand full. i suggest you talk with your husband about this. do it in the most loving way. tell him you dont mind her staying with you guys, but you feel at times that she has no respect for your marriage and that she needs to let you be the woman of the house. i suggest you guys rent a bigger place so that you are out of each other's way, and also dont be afraid to talk to her just do it in a nice/polite/loving way. tell her that even though you appreciate her being there she needs to respect the fact that you are her son's wife now and that she doesnt need to be involved in every aspect of your marriage..which includes your arguments. oh and whatever you do, please dont make the poor guy choose between you two. that is the most childish, most ridiculous thing two grown woman can say to a man...because it is impossible for him to do so, so stop putting the poor man in the middle and set up some ground rules in the house that you all live by.

Answer 4

I don't mean to torture a fellow married man, but, girl, you have one tool to always get what you want. It's time you use it. I mean he's a guy! He needs one thing! Whoopie! Try keeping it from him for a couple weeks to a month. Use his mom as your excuse to not want to give it up. When ever he sides with her or refuses to get involved the off switch get used. After awhile you can start using the i can't do it when she is in the house excuse. Pretty soon he will either kick Mommy's buns out or go for the divorce. Either way it's a good thing. He should have stepped in long ago and let Mommy know who is boss, and who is second in command! She is neither!

Answer 5

There is not much you can do until your hubby quits being a momma's boy and stands up to her. I hate to say it this way, but he needs to chose who is more important to him. At his age, there should not be any question. Does he know how much it bothers you? Have a talk with him. Spell it all out. Then, if he doesn't change, you have to make a decision about whether you are willing to live the rest of your life this way. I would not. But then again, I have a great mother in law.

Answer 6

you should probably consider family counseling so that a qualified, objective professional can help you all navigate this situation. since your husband obviously had mommy issues before you got married, you shouldn't be surprised that she feels threatened by your presence. she likely feels that she should always be #1 in his life. if your husband is at all religious, consult some bible passages, in which it is stated:

- a man should turn from his mother and father and become one with his wife

also, you should spend some time with your husband outside the home and away from his mother. perhaps you can make saturday nights date nights or join a club or start a hobby you both like that will give you time alone.

Answer 7

Never a good idea to move an in-law in your home. Tell him how you feel, nicely. Talk about the options such as renting an apartment for her or a retirement home. Do you own your home? If so you can talk about building or converting your garage into a small apartment that is separate from the house.

Answer 8

Sounds as though it is time to tell your mommas boy of a husband. It is time to stand up and be a man. He is married now and should attend to the needs and desires of his wife, this is his main responsibility now. He is a grown up married. I do not know any women who would choose this option for their life. At least not within the American culture... However, don't say it and not mean it. So you have two choices do something about it or simply shut up and deal with it. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 9

Tell your husband that his mpther needs to get a life of her own. She is young enough to work, even if it's part time. She also needs to get involved in a social group or church so she has things to worry about other than your lives. Have a frank discussion with your husband. The situation is just not working out. She needs to find other arrangements, even if that means she has to get her own apartment and you two have to help financially with the rent.

Answer 10

The only way it will get better is if she moves out or you buy a home where she has separate living quarters. You need to have a sit down with a counselor and your husband. This is not a good situation at all.