I am not good at handling face to face CONFRONTATIONS. How to overcome this?

Question

I always have many points to counter the allegations that anyone is labeling me with. But I get tongue tied and when faced suddenly with accusations. I feel people think that they can just walk all over me. I am very ashamed of myself that inspite of being right I am not able to defend myself.

Answer 1

Understand that most of the time people who get tongue tied and are not able to speak up their mind, are those who care too much about maintaining and not spoiling relations or hurting the other person.

This feeling stems from the fact that you are expecting something from the other person - either to be nice to you, help or anything else materialistic or non materialistic.

STOP expecting and promise yourself that you will not expect from the other person, and then see the difference. Everything else will fall into place. I was like that until I stopped expecting. Even sometimes now it happens but then I make a conscious effort to stop it the moment I realise.

It is important to get the distinction between expecting something and asking something from someone without expecting.

Answer 2

There is a phrase ib Sanskrit Classics- na dainyam na cha palayanam- which means neither show helplesness in whatever you do nor escape from the work. It derives srenght from the thought that whatever we speak or do must never show that we require an excuse or pity. We should also not escape from the responsibilty. We show our attitude in this derection only in situations where we feel insecure or we have a fear of loosing something. At times not speaking something works better than speaking because more you speak more you give data or in situations of confrontation you tend to speak something intutive rather than conclusive. Try to find out whether the person confronting you is just confronting for an ego fight or there is certain real issue behind it. In the first case take it lightly and show that you are serious.Take your time and call him at some odd time and give proper and suffiecient answer in a prepared format. In the second case show a tendency to be a part of the problem and be the part too. Think independently whether there is a crisis siuation or not? whether you can do anything in this matter or nor?whether you can provide some clues or not? If no to all it is better to share the pain of your boss.

Answer 3

Well, to tell you the truth, this reminds me of what I was earlier. Im sure, u'd have no problems with ur peers or siblings! Wat I did was to say,, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! In martial arts, we practice shadow boxing,, so go thru the whole scene in my mind and practice reactions. Initially, the whole concept may seem strange,, responses can never be pre planned! Wrong, the initial responses though, pre programmed, act as the pilot chute that comes out first when one sky dives. It pulls up the main chute! So, the pre programmed reaction would unleash the tigress inside you and you can let loose your tongue!! Whether it is good or bad is not the question or problem,,,, the problem is in feelin walked over,,, and believe me, once u give a tongue lashing to anyone, you feel good. You may later relent and apologise, but it atleast shows that you are a person too and cannot be taken for granted!

Answer 4

Hi,

The first thought comes to my mind is that you are self-confident. Thats a good sign of living in this world. I encourage that you elevate the level to a better height. First, when someone speaks to you make a point you are not convinced even though they speak correct. Think over the same for a minute and then go for an agreement in your way of correct thinking
. Learn to say "NO" the usual way of exihibiting one's strongness. Dont let anyone walk over you. If it happens often you will loose your individuality down the line. Be focussed in what you believe and be sure you made a statement in all your situations. Let your words be few and be meaningful.

Remember you are not born to be a looser but rather a winner.

All the Best!

Answer 5

Hey. the best way to confront someone boldly is to feel superior. Just feel that, the one you are confronting is lower than you but mind it, you should not reveal the same. Give respect and have respect. This is also the best way to feel confident when giving speeches.

Also, best way to gain confidence when confronting someone is to wear a dress which you like the most, of course is the meeting is preplanned.

When defending someone, meaning when you know you are right, patiently listen first while keeping a smile on your face...this weakens him/her. While listening, try to chalk out the points u ll be using to defend urself. When presenting ur points, make it one by one, speaking the most powerful one first.!!! Always be cool when defending someone, this will prove your confidence and lessens the same for the person against you.

These tips are all tested!! Enjoy!!

Answer 6

In my opinion, I can tell you to examine yourself why you are facing with so many confrontations You must think and under-stand the reasons for this by devoting some time,in isolation.

From your statement, I presume that you go contraversal in many of your activities, specially in critising others, involve in others personal matters, get involved in undesirable things etc. by knowingly or unknowingly.

People might have understood your weaknesses, as your tongue get tied and being ashamed etc.while facing sudden accusations. You must get courage to express and justify your actions in quick and without any scope for doubt. Always keep check and balance in youjr activities. Don't try to justify yourself, but let others think you are at right point.

Keep courage, clear mind and be reasonable to all the near and dear ones. You will definitely overcome with your problems.

Best wishws.

Answer 7

Hi Friend,
Dont worry about others..When other feel they have walked over you, when you are right, dont feel bad..If you are in the right, your actions would convey your message.It would strike them at their right time.That is the lesson of life.Dont feel ashamed of anything..Remember, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.Enjoy each moment.

There would be people to discourage you, but never mind, when you are right.You should always be answearable to God and only to you.Not to others.Remember, they are just passer-bys.

Also, think, that these accusations against you, are teaching you to be something that you can be.Have a great self-esteem about yourselves and move away from anyone, who hurts you.Please do not hurt them, but try to be nice with them and make them feel bad that they have mistaken you.

Be always good to them..They will realize their mistakes soon.Cheer Up!! Face the world as you are and remember..you are too precious.

Cheers!!!!

Answer 8

The very best way to disarm someone is to outwardly agree with them.

Also, you should discover and understand your "behavioral style" and the behavioral styles of others according to The Platinum Rule by Tony Alessandra. Accurately assessing and evaluating yourself gives you more confidence in your interactions. Perhaps you are a Relater; Relaters strongly dislike/fear confrontation, and under tension they tend to submit or acquiesce. Learn about the types who aren't afraid of confrontation so you know what to expect and how to adapt. You can even learn to apply their skills in your own situations.

Directors and Socializers communicate directly. Thinkers and Relaters communicate indirectly. Thinkers generally don't fear confrontation, but they are slow-paced and methodical compared to Directors and Socializers. Here is a summary of the four basic behavior styles:
http://www.platinumrule.com/aboutpr.asp

Furthermore, be aware that feelings can neither be right nor wrong. If your decisions or opinions are based on your feelings (as is usually the case with all Relaters), don't expect someone who doesn't care about your feelings to agree with you. Because what you're really asking for is emotional support, not to win a debate.

Answer 9

Its really a difficult situation to deal with. It requires to develope your personality, to be argumentative . Take help from 'Personality developement centres' in your city to boost the level of your confidence. You may try a simple suggestion. Whenever confronted , keep on repeating like a broken record ' NO ' ' NO ' to all allegations. When the other man stops accusing or asks for clarifications,then give your explanation .

Answer 10

Dear friend, its the principle of life to all the living beings including mankind..NO ONE just NO ONE can ride you until and unless you are bend..if people are accusing you..just take them by your stride and walk straight keeping your head high..nothing can deter you unless you allow it to happen..SELF CONFIDENCE, is the key for this..you should know about yourself more than anyone else and you make the YOU..not the people..so be cool and calm..things would die its natural death..as everything just everything in this universe is time bound..so be patient and if you reciprocate to the accusations.. you are somewhere at the back of you own mind not sure about your own self and giving undue importance to the issue.......and yes, if things get messy..you can always approach the authorities for defense.