what do you think?

Question

I need help with a title and ending

untuched, unchanged
the purity still remains untainted.
then a crash and two brothers come falling,
the serenity lost, the medow, disterbed
the calm is replased by the jeers of awakened birds
and the chatter of sqiurls.
the brothers fight on though not paying,
when the two leve the clam returms
not the peace

Ay ideas how to finish it?

Answer 1

I give you that the title for the poem is in the poem already....this is for you to decide..however...as I read then I can see possibilites in plenty..
Examples are Serenity Lost..or maybe The Meadow..but you choose as you like.
The poem is disjointed and the spelling needs checking..(it needs to be easily read by anyone..)..

As for the ending..see how the story runs and discover how you wish to bring some kind of conclusion..
This is a short poem and for me represents a snapshot of event..
I would tend to paint with words a closing picture of calmness and purity as you begin the poem..this creates a circle of energy and a circle is as you know perfect form..

Dont be afraid to rewrite any of this poem..it has sound basis and is worth further effort.
Please keep hold of all you write until it is finished..it is all too easy to delete something valuable.

Answer 2

First of all don't take offense at the Spell Check suggestions, but make them happen.

I also agree that the title lies somewhere in the piece, although you might use a HOOK, as a title, to at least alert what the piece relates to. The context of the piece is obvious, eventually, but you might better serve the reader immediately.

Given the theme, I think it "ENDS" as it should. Certainly left HANGING are questions unanswered, and as a reader I'm OK with that. I don't find it abrupt at all, and to leave a reader wondering, or creating a sceanrio beyond the last word, is also OK.

Actually the beginning to be changed into a notion, or an assumption, as obviously THINGS are not as they SEEM.

Steven Wolf

Example: A one word "poem"....."IF"

Answer 3

its good, but spell check please .