Married, 10 years, two kids, 5 and 7. Reconnected with and old boyfriend from 1988, he is married with a clan of his own. He has told me that his no longer happy in his marriage and has know that for a while, before we reconnected. We have both decided that we do still have deep feelings for each other. He lives about 10 hours away. I don't know what to do. I love my husband but I am not sure if I am "in love with him". He is a great guy, nothing wrong with him. This just sucks and has brought on depression. Please help, any advice would be great. I have no one to trust to talk to about this.
2007-12-15 18:30:26 · 17 answers · asked by Conflicted 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do know that marriage can get kind of boring and you sometimes want to see what it would be like to be with someone new. But you really need to look at that situation that is in front of you. If you feel that you love your husband then why would you want to leave someone for someone that you reconnected with? Just really look at your life now and think about it. If you think things could be better with the new guy then go for it, but if you think that things are only a small fling with this guy then I wouldn't do it. I've been married for 1 1/2 years and I want to leave my husband but not because of a new guy, but because I hate men at the moment ( ok so just my husband because he is a few choice words that I won't use) Just really think it over with what you want to do. You can get all the opinions that you want, but it's really just up to you and what you want and need to do. Good luck!
2007-12-15 18:37:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
First thing to realize is that rebound relationships seldom work out.. going from a long-term relationship and falling into someone else's arms is a recipe for disaster.....
Secondly, you were with this other guy TEN years ago! You don't know him anymore.. unless you've kept in touch for the last 10 years? Not a good idea.
When we are married, we can develop a lust for or crush on someone else. It's not uncommon... the best thing you can do is to be thankful you are still capable of those feelings and that the person walked through you life. Then move on.
Have you ever thought that perhaps your own marriage could use some spicing up? What about working on it...? If you love your husband, then it's probably worth it.
You can find a lot of information on line... i have listed a website on the subject, and the second link refers to a book you may be interested in finding in the library or at a book store.
I hope things work out. I can't see ripping your family apart over some dumb guy you knew years ago.
2007-12-16 03:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage and reality. Whatever you do if you both get divorced and get together NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN!!! The second both of you say "I DO" the loving relationship is over. Some people realize it after weeks and some lie to themselves for years. Just don't forget the facts of life because this other man will cheat on you too:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything. I don't lie unlike the other answers you will get.
2007-12-16 09:32:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I understand...but here's the deal. 10 years ago, this guy was younger and immature right...maybe he did have a deep connection with you, but he didn't know how to keep it together or express himself....
WRONG!
I heard a good piece of advice not to long ago and this guy said believe nothing of what a man says to you, but see what he does for you.
Now, he's had ten years to contact you and confess his undying love, but you don't hear from him untill he is unhappy in his marriage...what makes you think when the chips are down with you AGAIN...that he wouldn't find another to make him happy.
You maybe going through a rough stage in your marriage, and I know, I've been married for 11 years now, but remember all is great when fanatising what a perfect life you can recconect with, but the fact is this ex guy is not right for you. Instead of being distracted by him, talk to your husband about how you think your loosing some spark and it's scaring you and maybe you can work it out with eachother or maybe with help from someone else, but if you honestly work your way through your feelings and feel as if you no longer want to be with your husband, be alone for awhile so you don't fall victum to men's lying advances.
2007-12-16 03:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by Tanya M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have two kids. It's some guy you knew in highschool who either dumped you or you dumped. Think of why they aren't in your life now and your husband is.
You made a choice and you didn't stay with that boyfriend. It was 20 years ago. Just because he's unhappy doesn't mean you should destroy the lives of your family members to get it on with some dude living in the past.
You also made a commitment to your husband either till death or forever (depending on your ceremony) This isn't either so your word must mean nothing. And since you made that commitment to your husband then why would your kids believe you when you say you'll never stop loving them even though you stopped loving their dad.
2007-12-16 02:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't lead your husband on. If you even think you can be with someone else, either make it happen and leave your husband, or drop all communication with the other guy.
There's always the old saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side".
Say the x-boyfriend is just saying all of that in order to get you into bed. That happens all the time. Not saying thats the situation, but the whole thing is one sided to begin with. If your husband is truly a great guy, why are you even thinking of being with some other guy unless you have lustful feelings for him. The difference between saying I love my husband and saying "I'm in love with him" is lust. If you actually love someone, you'd do anything to make sure the relationship works out.
Whatever you do, just don't allow your kids to see any disruption with their lives. They matter the most. If you have a decent relationship with your husband, talk it out with him, don't hide it. Again, The grass is always greener on the other side.
2007-12-16 02:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
When you take your marriage vows, part of it says for better or worse. Your loyalties lie with your husband and your two children, not with an old boyfriend, so grow up and show some responsibility to your marriage. How would you feel if your husband was in the position you are in now and was thinking of doing, what you are thinking of.
2007-12-16 03:12:11 · answer #7 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes married couples go through a phase where they get bored with each other. this phase could go away or it could stay. i cannot advise you to do this or that. you are the driver of your car and only you would know what to do. but i can suggest a few things. whatever you do, dont make any hasty decisions. write down the pros and cons and see w/c has more weight. spend some alone time to think about each action (s) you are considering to take and see what consequences of such action you are willing to go through. if your husband is a wife beater, child molester, crappy provider type of guy, one could easily say to you to get yourself and your kids out of there before its too late. but at the same token, just because he is a great guy doesnt mean you will have to sweep your own happiness under the carpet. try to remember that whatever path you choose to take, it will have its share of favorable and unfavorable factors. hope this helps
2007-12-16 02:52:16 · answer #8 · answered by blah blah 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think working on "falling back in love" with your husband is the best option. Don't give up a solid family with a good man for taking a chance on the future, especially for your children. They are 5 and 7 and need their Dad. It's easy to imagine how great things would be with someone else, but we forget how bad things can be with some else.
2007-12-16 02:50:08 · answer #9 · answered by Dynamic H 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Stick with your husband. You were with him for 10 years. then as soon as this ex tells you he isn't happy, now all of a sudden youre not happy. If the ex never got in contact with you. Would you still have the same feelings. Let that jerk ex know that just because he's not happy with his family, to leave your's alone.
2007-12-16 02:58:43 · answer #10 · answered by lifelongskinsfan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋