My son AGAIN.?

Question

Ok, well a short bit so for those who don't know the whole story here goes. SHORT STORY:
My son never really forgave me for leaving their dad, finally after many trips to rehab etc. Was told he has bipolar.
He got married... I was not allowed to partake.
Had a baby boy... I was only allowed to see baby only by appointment.
I learnt to live with these things, he was married for less than a yr then had 2 affairs, made one pregnant. Tried to commit suicide. I found out six months later. Now last week he had a breakdown..relapse and I was called in. I simply went and took him to the dr got his meds sorted out. Now he is back on track and tells me to back off.. omg, how do I cope with this child/man he is 24 btw. I am ok with the fact he want to be alone with his new family, but this constant using me...
Thanks for reading.

Answer 1

I have bipolar disorder, and it can be a terrifying illness to live with... we do sometimes spiral out of control, especially when our meds are not properly working, or we are not in therapy!!!

Bipolar disorder IS manageable...and therapy can help us to realize there are other ways of living, besides being impulsive, or aggressive... or suicidal.

Not all bipolars are as impulsive as your son.

If your son is constantly using you, it's because you allow it.... nothing wrong with taking him to the hospital or a doctor appointment because he really DOES need to get there when in need, but "sorting out his medicines" is rediculous. Your son needs to sort that out for himself... and he NEEDS TO STAY IN THERAPY!!! At least for a while...

I have been in therapy off and on for 20 years. Thankfully i have sense enough to know when i need to go. I also have the where-with-all to realize when my meds aren't working properly and go to the doctor so we can work on a solution. Not all of us do.

Hon, there is a lot of information on bipolar disorder on line. you can do a yahoo search for COPING WITH A BIPOLAR FAMILY MEMBER, COPING WITH A BIPOLAR RELATIVE, or just BIPOLAR DISORDER. You will find a lot of information and probably good advice about what you can do to keep your own sanity.

sending hugs

Answer 2

You sound like you want something from him that he cannot give. I'm afraid you'll have to decide for yourself whether you want a relationship on his terms or you want to sever ties and protect yourself. Since he's 24 that isn't a terrible thing.

You can't change people, and if someone is abusive to you, it is up to you to protect yourself, not to try to argue or talk them out of it or into being nicer to you. You didn't have to go when he called. He might be wrong to call and ask but you're just as wrong for caving in and going if you knew you'd regret it later.

Since you know he blames you and is angry, have you actually apologized and acknowledged the hurt he is still experiencing. If you don't give him something on which to base his forgiveness, then he's doing the right thing by staying away from you. If someone refuses to apologize once confronted by a loved one's admittance of being hurt by you, then that person is no longer a loved one, just a heartless, cruel abuser. But that's still not enough. Even if he forgives you, you have to stop the abuse. Stop the criticism, stop the advice, stop the clingy neediness and just take what he has to offer and give what he's willing to take.

Answer 3

If you're his doormat, he will only wipe his feet and walk away. Demand respect, or let him fight his own battles. I understand that he has a serious mental condition, but with meds he can be very stable and well adjusted. If he still harbors a grudge about you leaving his father (I don't know the circumstances) he may always. If you continue to act like his flunkie, he will never learn to treat you better. Why should he? Cut the apron strings and let him find his own way home after he grows up a little.

Answer 4

Your son uses you and that is just not right. I know he is your child and it hurts but the fact is you'll be like most mothers and just let him do it over and over again until it breaks you down to nothing. You really need to call him and just let him know exactly how he makes you feel. Of course with him suicidial and all might not be the best idea. Maybe talk to him without being harsh or rude, but he still needs to know your his mom you love him and will do anything for him,but you don't want to feel like he only wants you when it benefits him for you to be around. I would and could never shut my mom out of my families life. She is everything to me and the reason I'm here today. If your good enough to be called when his life is messed up then your good enough when its going good.

Answer 5

It is time for you to tell him no matter how much you love and care about him that it is time for him to grow up. If you keep going there and help him out with his own situations then he will never learn how to handle any of these problems on his own. This way his new family should start to learn how to handle these things with your son and maybe he then will realize just how an important part of his life you really are. May you be guided by your own inner spirit. Good Luck

Answer 6

First of all, you are going to have to accept the ups and downs - as hard as it is. He was diagnosed with being bi-polar, which in it's own way is very hard on the family. Not to mention his own issues and resentments.

You want to be a mom to him. You love him. But, you will have to keep your distance and just be there when he needs you. That is the only way you will be able to keep your sanity.

It may also help you to seek counseling to help with your own anxieties about the situation. There are support groups where you can go. It would be good to be with people who are familiar with the ups and downs of the disease. As he also has addicitons, going to Al-Anon may also help you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I ought to confess i may be the comparable as you, you're able to have the main angelic of boys yet placed some boys at the same time and that they might desire to arise to three mischief, mine are basically 5 and a couple of and that i cant see me permitting to enable them to camp out at 14

Answer 8

Maybe you really do need to back off.I mean stay off.He is using you and will do it again and again.It also will teach him to be independed and not depend on you when he needs it.It's called tough love.If i were you,i would treat him just the way he treats you.Just pray for him and stay away.Hopefuly some day he will understand.And all that for leaving his dad?

Answer 9

Hi Unity,

Your son is an adult. The choices he makes with his life are his own as are the consequences of these choices. As difficult as it is, you have to face the fact that he may never let go of that anger and may use it against you, and himself, forever. You cannot enable his self-destructiveness, you need to hold your ground and be strong.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

I'm in the same boat. My son is bipolar too. He calls only when he wants something from me. Ask his therapist for suggestions on how to deal with him. Good luck.