What you will do? If you’re husband admit that… he did called group sex but not exchanging.?

Question

We're been together as fiancé for 4 years and another 4 years as Husband and Wife we have 1 daughter. He got my virginity when I was 21 years old. He is the type of person un-modern when it comes to a girl.

2004 he went abroad to fulfill our dreams. As far as I can, I do my best as a good wife in all aspect. Even he’s in abroad, there’s a lots of temptations for me was came but I’ve not entertained it.

2007 he invited me here to be with him and to find job as well, finally i found out that he cheated me in his first and second year staying abroad. It hurt really hurts, still I can't believe that he did. The kind of girl that he f--k is what I've never been expected. The trust was gone. Before I trust him a lot and I really respected him more than other guys don't respect their moral but all of a sudden the trust is gone. My work is affected even my physical, mental etc.

And now, he asking for a 1 more chance, and he said he will not repeat it. I’m afraid now to give him a 1 more chance, co’z I’m not trusting him anymore and if he do that again I really sure and promise to my self that I’ll never give him second chance anymore… Broken family if broken family that he’s chosen.

Now,,, the pain is killing me softy… and I don’t have peace of mine, all I can see is what he did to that girl while making love… and they did at the same room that we’re staying right now! What I will do now, give him a chance? I will shift to another apartment to have space? or quit with him back to my own country to be with our daughter.?

Additional info; 3 days passed he admit that

The sex group was happened, my husband co-worker also, roommate and friend name Frank invited him to go out for a bar and Frank invited also his 2 friend, and that husband first meet with this 2 girls. They had fun, they drunk… they went home with this 2 girls… around 3 a.m. the people of the other room is already slept, quite… and that group sex what happened but not exchanging partner one is to one…pair by pair.

After that my husband and that girls become friend, the girl is cooking for his food sometimes, bring DVD’s, bring food for him. My husband gave call credit card, he brought a blouse for her while walking in Mall.

In addition, Jan 2005 he went home for vacation for 1 month to be with us. After 1 month he goes back abroad again, he has 1-day rest before the next day going to work. That is weekdays so, everyone in the house was gone because of work. He’s alone the girl is called him and went to his room, and cheating was happened second time around…

I don’t know what I will do now? I really affected… but he did anything to get my trust back… I love him. But still afraid of what maybe happened next.?

And only animals can do that things even you are influence of alcohol. He’s not taking any drugs… But why he did that kind of sex?

The girl 3 times I’ve meet, but I’m still crying, hurt because I cannot hurt her physically because the Law here. Still I cannot accept what he did!

Answer 1

Gurl i got so so mad when i read this. because ive been with fiance for 4 years and i was picturing it as if i were in that situation. To me it looks like he was in a relationship with her since he bought her a gift, credit cards and she does for him too. A man would never waist his time buyin stuff for a chick he only wanted to f**k. There was more to that. I dunno if he was the one to confront and admit this to u or if u found out on your own. It hurts to know that someone u love so much would do that to u and ur daughter. That proves that not only does he not care about ur feelings and how this would affect u, but ur daughter to.
The thing is that you are married with a child. U must make the decision, but have this in mind. #1 DONT stay with him because of your daughter. #2 U will never trust him again and if u do u will always have that gut feelin. #3 If u choose to stay, whenever ull get mad at him or argue, his affair will always be brought up. #4 U will always hurt and if u forgive ull NEVER forget. #5 Stayin is a big chance. U should keep a close eye on him. Investigate and make friends with people that know people that are close to him at work etc. If u feel in his heart that he is truly sorry. GIVE him a chance. I NORMALLY WOULD SAY LEAVE HIS *** but your know ur married and 8 years is a lot. HOWEVER A MAN SHOULD NEVER GET A SECOND CHANCE WHEN IT COMES TO CHEATIN. When a woman cheats on a man, the chances of gettin a chance is very low. THINK about that. If this is the second chance, u can get a divorce or if u still love him, separate, stay at ur own place but watch his activities. If he decides to continue to have sex with other women, get the divorce.

Answer 2

Seems like you've dwelt on this scenario a lot. Like a movie that's played over and over. Don't you think it's time to put an end to the movie and do something? Sitting there and crying about what's happened isn't going to do any good.

Okay, so you're Snow White. We got that. Pure and innocent. Right. Okay. You'd never make a mistake. Ever. I understand. Horrible hubby made some really bad judgement calls and should be raked over molten lava until his privates shrivel. Then they should be served to pigs while he watches. I understand. Now, tell me, what is all this wallowing going to solve? You're still going to have a husband who cheated and you're still going to feel cheated.

You have two choices. Stay or leave. That's it. Everything else is just window dressing. If you decide to leave, then do it and get on your feet so your child can have a healthy happy home with two parents who love her dearly. Be mature about it. Whether you like it or not, your life will be intertwined with his for the rest of your life because of your daughter.

If you stay, get into some marriage counselling so you can sort this thing out. Punishing him over and over will teach your daughter some real healthy things about how to treat a man when she gets older.

Those are your choices. You don't have to like them, but there they are.

Answer 3

oh girl i dont even know what i would do sorry to hear ur in this mess =( but if u give him another chance an that girls still around an the friends he went out with chances are it is gonna happen again . he shouldnt have never put his family in a position that he has . he should have thought first . even if he blames alcohol then he shouldnt drink to teh point where he does stupid things he is gonna regret. he doesnt appericate what he has an u deserve better . you need to be strong for ur child. if i were u i would move back to where i came from an try to move on . as long as u stay where u are ur always gonna be wondering an thinking about what has happen . good luck an i hope everything works out for u but i wouldnt go back to him . there are somethings u can work threw but if he cheats once maybe try to work threw it but more then once hes has to go .

Answer 4

I hate men!! I think you should cheat on him and see how he likes it. But of corse you are probably not that type of person neither am I but you should do it. I want to but havn't yet. If you want to give him another chance cheat on him I think it's the only thing that will make you feel better inside!! Probably the only thing that will make me feel better inside as well.
It takes a long time to get over it if you stay with him. It also affects your sex life bcause all you can think of is what he did. and the f--ing bi-ch he was with. Everyone says not to be bitter but people don't understand the reality of situations. like when you have a child with the person and stuff. As mothers we will do anything for our children to give them a happy life, even if it means staying with a piece of sh-t.
I wish I had a good-better answer for you. There is no good answer for your question though.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that he hurt you. Your choices seem very simple, to leave and make a new life for yourself or forget and forgive what your husband did. You guys were apart 3 years, and 3 years is a lot of time. People change in 3 years.

I'm a very bothered at you calling people animals for their sexual choices and wanting to physically harm these girls. But I hope that is just the hurt talking.

Answer 6

All I have to say BEEN THERE DONE THAT! I have been hurt somewhat like that. Forget him REALLY! Think about it put him behind you tell yourself you are better and you deserve better Why must you forgive and forget like you are some piece of meat only. No ,don't stay with him move on in the long run you will meet someone who will appreciate you and respect you for who you are. If you don't show this man that you respect yourself how do you want him to respect you?? What he is doing is certainely not respecting you? Please move on don't have anything else to do with him other than child support for your child. Good Luck

Answer 7

If you feel like he doesn't deserve a second chance then don't give it to him. What he did was so wrong. And of course it's going to hurt, it will hurt for awhile, but you can meet someone better, someone who will love you and only you.

If you feel like you can never trust him again, and you don't want to live with him knowing what he did, then let him go and get a divorce.

And if you feel down, then spend some time with family and friends.

Answer 8

Ok, I read it all. He cheated on you. He'll do it again if you give him another chance to do it again. He was the man and he should have said no to the girl I can not. Or if he was totally under the influnence and did not really mean to do it come back and tell you and beg on his hands and knees for forgiveness from you. I know that if my boyfriend ever cheated on me and did not tell me then told me I would not take him back. Even if I had children with him. If he wanted contact with the children he would come on my schedule with me right there to see the children. That would be that. If they cheat once they will cheat again.

Answer 9

no offense meant but u write a rather lengthy letter.
dear, you can hurt anybody physically as long as you understand and accept the consequences of your actions. cause the fact is, wherever you go (and it is not just "here" wherever "here" may be, you hurt someone physically, you go to jail for it. as for your husband's infidelity, you alone would know the answer to it. if you are not happy in the relationship and is not willing to trust your husband again, would you want to stay in that relationship just to satisfy society?

Answer 10

He needs to come home to stay and forget working with those people...

Read Divorce Busting.

When he gets home, he needs to call her in front of you (so you knows it's over this time) and tell her it's over and to never ever contact him again - no email, no calls, no text, etc.

Joy to you!