25 weeks pregnant with complications. Partner (not husband - plans to get married in January 09) will not give up his single lifestyle. Out AGAIN tonight with his friends, at least 8 hours. These two friends have no respect for me and are complete jerks (make up lies to try and separate us, alcoholics, make a point not to invite me out, etc.) It hurts so bad that he won't stand up for me and chooses them over me. He just popped in a half hour ago to let me know that he was now done golf and going to the pub but was out cuz the boys were with him... I told him not to bother coming back and don't say I love you because it hold no merit when he treats me this way. He left me a note on the bed saying "I love you beautiful, I will sleep in the spare room." I wrote him a letter and taped it to the door, letting him know that he was not welcome here tonight and that he better make some choices fast. On the inside, I went on to explain the stress and hurt he causes and how I won't have
2007-12-15 17:48:15 · 9 answers · asked by Betty 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it in my life.... is this taking it too far? I told him to either continue the single life without me in it, or to take responsibility as a father and start making decisions that take us into consideration.... did I take it too far? I am so angry and hurt, I don't know.
2007-12-15 17:49:21 · update #1
He won't be home for another couple hours, so I could take it down before then......
2007-12-15 17:51:35 · update #2
No, you're pregnant and its his, so its time to grow up and step up and be a man, not some semi-single jerk. Also staying with friends who run your partner down is truly disrespectful.
You do need to tell him how you feel, just not sure that a letter is the best way to do that. Try using it as a starting point only, other wise he may see this as his ticket out, and you might have to say good bye to this relationship.
2007-12-15 18:01:47 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to say it, but LEAVE HIM. If he's not on board with you and you being pregnant, imagine what life will be like when you have the child. Even worse, married to him and having a child. Things will only get worse in this case. He's totally not serious about being in a family and he obviously has similar feelings his friends feel, which is why they're comfortable enough to show you how they feel. They know he's on the same page as them. You'd never be able to trust him and counting on him would be out the window. Find someone who shows you they care and wants to help you when you need it. Some one who becomes your best friend and defends you when their friends are rude to you.
My wife and I have been married for 4 years, and we dated for 2. If any of my friends were rude to her, it's as well as being rude to me and they'd hear from me about it. We just had a daughter 6.5 months ago and I was by her side the whole time. She had difficulty during the pregnancy and I was there for every second of it. I stayed up nearly two weeks every night taking care of the baby so she could sleep. She is breast feeding, which makes it harder, but breast pumps are a lifesaver. I still stay up all night so she can get a good night's sleep, while I feed the baby. I support her as much as humanly possible.
The reason I bring this up is, could you actually imagine your "Partner" doing anything like that for you. If he's willing to allow his friends to be like that, and he doesn't think spending time with you is more important, there's something wrong with his view of the relationship. It'll only get worse.
2007-12-16 02:05:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well..it all depends if you're ready to suffer the consequences of telling him to go. I mean..if he takes you seriously, you may lose him forever. Are you ready for that? I fyou are, then go for it...
My advice for u is to NOT get married! I made that mistake..and nothing is different nor has it changed. If you want out, then you need to make a plan. Where will you live? How will you afford it? Be one step ahead of him..b/c once he catches wind of you wanting it to be over.. you'll have to really think of these things.
As far as how it makes u feel..girl I know..it hurts like hell!! They dont' get it nor will they ever. My husband justifies what he does everytime in some way or another. Love isn't supposed to hurt..I wish I could be more helpful!
2007-12-16 02:22:32 · answer #3 · answered by *~Cam's Mommy ~* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh ok if he acts like this now before you are married he will act the same way when you are married.Its up to u l guess to decide what you want coz getting married will not make a difference he will always act this way.You have not taken things too far.
2007-12-16 01:59:39 · answer #4 · answered by Shaz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a Jerk. I don't think you're taking it too far. I duno wut I'd do in ur situation, i wouldn't wana get rid of my baby's father but i also wouldn't want a father for my baby who doesn't really care & will probably end up hurting the baby by not being there.
If he puts himself above all else i'd have no other choice than to put my child & self before him.
Good Luck. Congrats on the Bundle! God Bless!!
2007-12-16 01:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by GROWING_impatient 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave the note up.....and if he really loves u he will take responsibility as and father and a soon to be hubby....ur prego and dont need the stress its hard on u and the precious baby ur going to have..he might be trying to get the last crazy days out before he becomes a father....best of luck..
2007-12-16 01:57:42 · answer #6 · answered by devil_lips_4_u 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You better make up your mind quick, what you want to happen because once he comes home it will be too late to change anything that you might have said that he won't like.
2007-12-16 03:56:24 · answer #7 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes not ready for marriage let alone a wife and baby...you cant completely brake him apart from friends it will only make him un happy...just try and make more plans together..this way he wont run out the door at any opportunity he takes
xmas wishes
2007-12-16 01:57:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Be strong girl ... you keep it up .. you are doing the right thing!
2007-12-16 03:49:28 · answer #9 · answered by Queenie` 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋