When arguing turns phyiscal! Is it signs of possible abuse?

Question

My hubby is a good man for the most part. But yesterday we got in a fight and he slammed his fist through our office door at home. He punched the door several times, causing himself to get cuts. My hubby's father was physically abusive.My hubby has never hit me but I am afraid that one day he may. Just because his father was an abuser does that mean my husband will turn abusive? Where do I go from here?

Answer 1

The fear you felt when he slammed his fist just shows you that it was a form of abuse. Just because he didn't hit you YET, doesn't mean he's not showing you what he's capable of doing. Then again, as others have said, he's just having a hard time dealing with his anger. Either way, if left alone, there's absolutely nothing good about the end results. He needs help or you need to get away. If left alone, he'll be exactly like his father, no doubt. If you want to resolve this before it turns into something like that, you need to get him some help and make sure he sticks with it. If he's unwilling to deal with it, you'll have to leave. You'll end up regretting it otherwise. Any time someone makes you feel fear because of their action, it's labeled as intimidation. If it's used repeatedly, it's abuse. I have a sister that went through two relationships where both men were abusive, and nothing good came from either. They only get progressively worse.

Answer 2

The fact that he drove his fist into the door and not you shows he is fighting for control of his anger. He does not want to abuse but it may come to that. It is not really an abuse problem other than an anger management, stress reduction and communication problem. BOTH of you need to seek counseling (Family counseling is a better way. It keeps your husband from saying he won't go because you think hes crazy and creating all kinds of situations) Are you afraid for your self and family or mutually afraid FOR him?
It is important you talk to him about your concerns. No one can make him angery--it is a choice, your either are or you are not. But once anger reaches a point of no control, everyone looses. IT IS A FAMILY MATTER. Something caused the reaction and the argument. When 2 or more people argue reason cannot stay in the same room..Old Chinese saying...."Man cannot think with a clinched fist."

Dr. Tommy Skelton

Answer 3

Your husband was obviously frustrated and perhaps he has some unresolved issues and doesn't know what to do with them -- so he put holes in the door.

It would not be mean or critical in any way if you told him how you felt about what happened... you can let him know "I felt scared" "I felt like you might harm me"... be honest.. but don't say "YOU DID... " .... just let him know how YOU felt.

See what he says.

If your husband was raised in an abusive home, it's probably something that really hurts him inside, too... and many times people who were raised in that type of environment, and who haven't found ways to cope with the pain it caused them, MIGHT do things they regret. I'm sure your husband feels awful about the door... at least i hope he does.

I found a website, but not sure if it will help. I sure hope you don't have future worries and that your lives will be peaceful and full of love... hugs

Answer 4

no!! i dont think so,i also am not abuseive, i would never hit a women for any reason at all, even though iv been hit by women iv never returned a slap!!i was brought up that way!! but,, iv also put a fist through a wall or too,, no big deal,, i didnt abuse anything but the wall,, if you call that abuseive i dont know what to tell ya!!!

Answer 5

It doesnt necessarily mean you have anything to worry about- BUT it does mean he is having trouble finding good ways to deal with stress or anger. I am not in the best situation for dispensing marriage advice at the moment, but I will say that if you have the option available find a counselor. Preferably the two of you could go together, but even if he isnt interested go alone, it will show him that you are serious about believing it will help and it will give you someone to confide in.

Answer 6

I think you should tell him how you feel about him acting this way. This can be a serous problem. If he is a good man, he will listen to you and apologize and never do that again. I think he needs to learn how to control his anger. He needs to realize what he did was wrong, and he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and respect how you feel. If he doesn't then there is nothing you can do but leave him. This is something you both should take very seriously before it leads to something else. So have a serous talk with him.

Answer 7

I personally would be very careful...Now something happened that frustrated him so much that he took his pain out on the door. I punched a wall once, hit the stud and broke my hand, last time i did that...LOL I am not an abuser and it was a one time incident, it hurt to bad...Maybe your husband needs to talk to someone, maybe you need to figure out what is causing him to have this behavior...Its better to figure it out now and fix the problem then to wait for him to punch you....

Answer 8

When someone is that angry that he or she need to punch or kick something whether is a person or an object. Than that person needs help. Before something worse happens I would get some kind of counseling to figure out what deep inside is casuing this anger in him. It does not mean he is crazy or such a bad person it means he need help in figuring out what is deep down the true reason for his behavior. Good luck and never take abuse from anyone regardless who it is.

Answer 9

ok right here it is going:it truly is for emotional abuse which then leads to actual abuse: a million) first that individual(shall we call him/her abuser) and the different ( the sufferer) 2)the abuser supplies too many random presents for the sufferer, to coach that he /she loves the sufferer. 3) the abuser will start up asking easy questions, like what did you do immediately and ask for extra information, then after some days it turns into like a habitual the place the abuser needs to comprehend each little thing relating to the sufferer, occasion: what did you do immediately at school/paintings? who did you meet? what did they say?" and so forth 4) abuser gets offended once you seek advice from the alternative gender/intercourse. 5) abuser will start up announcing undesirable issues to the sufferer which contain " you're valueless, no physique loves you basically me " and so forth and at comparable time be advantageous on your freinds/family contributors ( whomever the sufferer introduces the abuser to). 6) the sufferer will sense helpless and do his/her ultimate to make the abuser happy yet this makes it worse as a results of fact the abuser will start up exhibiting the sufferer their errors case in point " you're incorrect...you're meant to call me immediately , you frequently call me at 5 om, what made you not call me immediately? " and so forth and needs to comprehend top information of the sufferer, the place the sufferer substitute into at a certai time and so forth. 7) abuser says extra verbal thigns to the sufferer...sufferer feels hopeless now, feels ineffective 8) sometimes and frequently the abuser will start up actual abuse which contain hitting or slapping the sufferer in deepest or publicly and likewise at comparable time exhibiting all and sundry around the sufferer that he/she is the nagel and that the sufferer is inaccurate. Abuse worsens for the time of time if the sufferer remains with the abuser, the ealier the signs and indications , the extra desirable the sufferer leaves the abuser. it is extremely confusing to depart the abuser if the sufferer remains with him/her for a protracted time.

Answer 10

Yes! When you are having an argument with someone and they cant seem to keep their hands to themselves, or push you around, or even swear at you, those are signs that the person is very likely to be physically abusive in the future if the two lived together or got married.