Pissed off at how judgemental the world is to overweight women?

Question

I am losing a lot of weight, healthaly.

But my motivation is not health but rather social acceptance.

I feel like my entire life I have been really patient with dating and hoped someone would like me for me.

I have been getting a lot of the "run around" thing from guys or they only want to sleep with me.

I have tried online dating and they seem to like me up until we meet and then they don't call me anymore or similar situations.

While I have been patient and thinking that some of these guys are jerks, my thinner friends seem to have unlimited dating options.

I am losing weight so that I too can have options.

I even had one guy I met drive right past me and he didn't even stop to meet me.

I am not a mean person, my pics are recent, my photos are chest up and I look thinner but am 202 lbs. (from 238)

How do I deal with constant rejection?
How do I not be bitter once I am closer to my ideal size?

And when guys come up to talk to me at a club, it ends up with them asking me to introduce them to my friends.

Answer 1

Well, you have to like you - no matter what size you are. I think that it's wise to lose the weight, and it sounds like you're doing well. But keep in mind that not all guys like thin girls. I'm overweight and get all sorts of attention. Although I think that guys find me sexy (I'm not high on myself, seriously), I think it's because I think that I'm sexy and they read this. I can't tell you how much attention I get and from guys who would not normally be into a chubby (hee, hee, I like this word) girl but they really like me. Again, it has a lot to do with how I carry myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't act loose or anything like that, but I dress to show my curves. I have been and continue to be losing weight but I'm doing it because it is healthier and, frankly, the clothes look better when your shape is more defined.

Sorry, back to you, do it for the health reasons but take inventory in how you are perceived by others. Play the part. Be confident and know that you're hot. Dress to show your best assets and don't let your looks go. Always look like your ready to be photographed. The more you do this, the more you will want to because you will like how you look and people can read this.

About not being bitter when you are closer to your ideal size. Losing the weight alone will not make you happy, again you have to like you. All the attention in the world from guys won't mean anything unless you like you. Take some time and analyze; what about you is it you like? There's probably a lot about yourself that is great. If there's stuff that isn't, lose that. You are a work in progress so fine-tune yourself. Oh, and don't worry about whether the world likes big girls or not, you don't live with the whole world (so to speak), you live with you and with the people that actually matter in your world.

Answer 2

As long as you think in terms like “your ideal size” you will always be bitter. Society is extremely prejudiced towards folks who are overweight. This is unlikely to change anytime soon in our culture unfortunately. Our perception of our appearance impacts how we think and feel and the other way around. A general lack of self confidence can be secondary to struggling with one’s weight but also a factor on meeting people and interacting with others. You want someone who loves you for you. You need to try looking in a different place. Try volunteering someplace. There are numerous opportunities to volunteer for a good cause. The people you meet there, the other volunteers, the connections you make will open doors and more doors. People that you would meet working at Habitat for Humanity for example, would not be anything like the folks you meet online, dating services, or bars. There is nothing wrong with you, your looking in the wrong place.

Answer 3

Dear Soon2Be,

First of all, I am a man (30 lbs overweight). However, when I met and married my wife, she was a size 14, now is a size 18. We've been married over 30 years.

Now to address your question.
You are losing the weight - which is good. But, you are doing it for the wrong reason. If you do this for social acceptance, then what else are you willing to do for other people to accept you? I have counseled (I do counseling for a living) many women who have had breast implants, liposuction, Lasik, etc., just to get men to accept them.

Oh - and your friends...they may have unlimited dating options, but what are they dating? I'd venture to say shallow guys.
You are going to have the options you speak of - and certainly guys will be asking you out. Choose the guy(s) who would have asked you out as you are now. Remember, most of those guys will be gaining pounds and losing hair in a few years.

Answer 4

Dont look for someone else to make you happy. If you can develop your self identity (seperate to your physical image) then you might inadvertantly meet someone who who will be 'alike'. Being a healthy physical shape will show them you are active/caring about yourself. Being fit and healthy is a lifestyle choice that should become enjoyable enough to be a part of your life for the rest of it.

Finding the right person is more important then finding any person. It is getting to be a very consumeristic society, so people develop fantasies and many would rather be single with that fantasy. That isnt particularily healthy, but either is being over or under weight, if you can help it.

How not to be bitter? Dont blame someone for the actions of others. People have their own journeys in life so dont let them cause you grief.

Answer 5

Hun, I really feel for you. The world is truly unfair and there are terrible double standards against women. A guy can be bald and fat and aging and might still have a girlfriend. The double standards don't end there, either...we get "unattractive" as we age (they don't); we are called "sluts" when we experiment (they aren't).

I am so sorry you are feeling sad and I hope that losing weight will open some options up for you. But I do want to say that there is a lot of heartbreak in the world. I am thin and I'm told that I'm very pretty, and yet I can't find someone who will love me as I am because I lack confidence in myself. So although it may seem that things come easy to those who are thin, that doesn't mean that it IS easy, you know?

My very best wishes to both of us that we find someone who loves us as we are :)

Answer 6

Ok, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to make you feel bad when I say this. But honestly, before you start to date, you need to work on your self confidence. You need to believe that you are beautiful inside and out, and most of all you need to gain some respect for yourself. Guys are are not all that bright, and if they see that you are confident and that you know that you're attractive, they're going to find you attractive. I have a few friends who would be considered overweight, and they get more men than I have ever seen, because they know they are beautiful and that they have a lot to offer another person. It's all about the way you carry yourself. Also, who wants a man who only likes you for the way you look?

Answer 7

Dont worry if you were next to me, Id be your best friend..... so cheer up.... not all people are bad in this world...... Cheers MG