I'm not sure what to do anymore?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We have a beautiful 3 month old daughter and have talked about marraige. I thought we were ready especially after i gave birth but now i'm not so sure. he refuses to change a dirty daiper or wash dishes. he gets upset when i ask him to do a simple thing for me like make her a bottle while i bathe her. he complains and curses. he goes out every weekend to drink with his friends and a few nights during the week. he knows what bills are coming up and he refuses to save money for them and pay it. i started working a couple of weeks ago and things just seem to get worse. i tried talking to him numerous times reminding him that he has a family now but all he does is get angry and says that he works all week and deserves to go out when he wants. last week we were soupposed to go out together. the day of he tells me its his friends birthday and its an all guy thing. he said he would make it up to me tonight but he is with those same guys.

now i just don't want to marry him. i'm tired of trying to work things out. we argue and i cry all the time, and he also has the nerve to say i pay more attention to the baby than him, if it were not for the baby i think i would have left him a long time ago. what should i do? what would you do? should i hold on longer or finally let go?

the funny thing is, he never acted this way before the baby. he was so excited, he wanted this baby more than anything, and he went out and bought her all she needed, made sure she had everything, before she was born. thats why i was so set i was ready to marry.

Answer 1

I understand that you're in a bind here, especially now that the baby is here, but you don't deserve to be treated like this. He is a father and pretty much a husband already regardless if there's no marriage certificate. He needs to grow up and take on his part of the responsibility. It sounds to me like you've already exhausted possible solutions to this by talking to him about it. The thing is, you can talk to him til' you're blue in the face but if he already has his mind set on the life he wants to lead, being that he wants to come and go as he pleases, then he clearly isn't ready to settle down and take on the parent/husband role. It hurts to face reality, but it might be that you need to push on without him. He is totally putting his friends before you and I would NOT stand for that if I were you. I've been with my bf for 3 years and we don't have any children together, but even he knows better than that. If I am not going out with him he doesn't go either. It's called respect and common courtesy. Your bf should learn some. Don't get me wrong, there are times when my bf goes out with the boys for a drink, but he always invites me and if I don't wanna go it's okay if he goes for a few hours. *And also, I'm not at home caring for a baby while he's out. Bottom line, it takes two to make a relationship work. I see no contribution on his end. You need to drop him. And I'd say do it now before your child gets older and is there to witness the bad relationship. That's my only regret in my divorce, that I didn't do it while my son was still too young to forget about it.
Good luck to you.

Answer 2

This child needs a home, but it's sounds like he's being terribly immature, irresponsible, and selfish.

The life of a single Mom is hell unless you're rich.

Think he's cheating? Being with the guys all the time is not normal. Maybe it's time to follow him and see where he goes and with whom.

It would sure be tempting to have the locks changed while he's gone if the lease or title is in your name. Talk to an attorney to find out what you could get for child support from him.

Call your minister for counseling and other resources for yourself. Get together a support system your parents, friends, family, etc.

Joy to you!

Answer 3

Three months ago it became about someone else. Calm down, set your standards to raise a child,get organized and take a back seat to your child. You owe this little person at least your best 4 years and then another 16 average years. Put the drama in a box for now. Take care of your business and let others take care of theirs. You do what you need to do each day, 24/7. Being your child's champion will bring you restful nights when you are old.

Answer 4

Has all this changed since the birth? It appears that he was not prepared to be a Dad. Its given him a real shock, and he's reverted to singles behavior to deny that he's actually "tied down" and "domesticated" now. He doesn't want to be "mature", he wants to be a kid/teen again.
You can't make him grow up, and perhaps should have waited with having kids until he was, but you can't change that now. You must look after yourself and the little one now. Tell him he has two choices - become a man and step up for his family, or you will make him leave. Tell him that you will file for child support, and if he doesn't pay you will have him prosecuted. Maybe that will be the wake up call he needs, but don't count on it.

Answer 5

Perhaps you should have discussed marriage BEFORE you got pregnant. He isn't ready for marriage or the responsibility of being the man of the family and may never be. You should have got your priorities in order while you still could. I think you're going to be raising this child alone and if he wants to spend his time with the boys, I'd be inclined to leave with the baby and let him have all the freedom he wants. .

Answer 6

Well, I am not going to tell you to separate unless he was cheating on you.
If your marriage can be saved, then give it a shot. Have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him that he needs to be a better partner and father. His friends do not take care of him the way that you do, so he needs to make a choice.
I will tell you that if you do not have God in your lives, you are leaving the door open for the devil and his wicked schemes. The devil only comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
† John 10:10 (NIV)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
If he is willing to work things out with you, then get him into church. Rebuild your relationship on a strong spiritual foundation. Both of you need to have the Lord in your lives so that your daughter may have a peaceful home environment. In the Bible, it reads;
† Matthew 7:24
[ The Wise and Foolish Builders ] "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

and

The Wise and Foolish Builders
46"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

I will say a prayer for you and your family. -God Bless.



Source: (NIV) Bible
and biblegateway

Answer 7

Ask yourself this: If it were anyone else would you be putting up with this?
You already know the answer to your own question, often times we're blinded by our feelings for someone so much that our own needs and requirements become secondary.
The fact he won't even act like a halfway decent father to his own daughter is reason enough to tell him to hit the road and get someone in your life who will care and will act like a man.

Answer 8

My story exact! Well, in a few months..... I am trying desperately to deal with a selfish man myself who tonight is with his jerk loser friends drinking. I would give him an ultimatum and let him know what he is losing.... only then will he realize what is most important in his life, this can't go on any longer. You and the child deserve happiness, whether it is with him or someone else, you go and get it!

Answer 9

this is why you marry a guy before you have children with him. nothing left but counseling or break up.

Answer 10

I say if you aren't happy now.. don't expect marriage to fix things.