Just got dumped after a 5 year relationship. Im having "good days" and "bad days".?

Question

I got past the inital point where EVERY day was a BAD day, crying, thinking about him and the relationship EVERY WAKING SECOND, and not being able to eat or sleep.I am now at a point where I have good moments and bad moments. I don't think I've had a full good day. But maybe once every 2 hours I get sad for about 15 minutes, sometimes I cry. But I am functional for the most part.WHEN WILL THESE BAD MOMENTS STOP? WHAT SHOULD I DO TO SPEED UP MY HEALING PROCESS.HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO GET OVER IT.the relationship was 4.5 years long. We just broke up a week ago. I am wondering if I will have some massive relapse, because a week seems like a SHORT time to be over my crippling depression (GOD KNOWS IM NOT COMPLAINING, I AM GLAD I AM OVER IT).But this guy was my LIFE, my ALL...(not in an unhealthy obsessive way...just LOVE!!)Is it ok to be over the worse already? (IT FEELS GOOD), but is it normal? AM i even over the worse? what should I expect? What should I do? it still hurts SOO much!!!

Answer 1

remember it is ok to cry. depending on if it is over for good or is this just a minor sit back. don't try getting over it unless it is over for good. if it is over for good then move on. go out have fun. make a new friend (a male friend). the best way to get over one man is to move on to another. but let the new one know from the beginning that you recently got out of a long term relationship.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry but you cannot rush your healing. It takes time and you are never truly over a broken heart. Sometimes years later it still haunts you from time to time. The good news is it gets better. Just remember when you start to miss him and remember the good moments remember the bad as well and remember why you are no longer together.

The end of my 1st marriage felt like a death. Apart of me died with the relationship. You will go threw the stages of death not necessarily in this order and some of the stages may repeat themselves until you get to acceptance.
1. Anger
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Personally I stayed with anger for a while see it was the one emotion that didn't cause me to fall apart.

Answer 3

Friend, it is completely and absolutely normal to feel this way. When relationships don't work out, it hurts! I'll tell you the truth..it really does, and you were feeling the worst a while back. In a while, you'll get used to the situation, and you'll feel better physically and emotionally. You are over the worst! That you do not need to worry about, and it's ok to still have it hurt a little, but just remember: you're ok!

Answer 4

Hi.. i'm sorry you are having a hard time.. hon, sometimes it takes a couple years to get over a long-term relationship... but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your heart is broken, and you are behaving normally. It's only been a week.. but your life wil go on.

I suggest you do NICE THINGS FOR YOU... take a bubble bath with candles, take up a hobby, take a class, join a gym, do things with friends, see your family, etc.

And you can also do a yahoo search for SURVIVING A BREAK UP... there are a lot of sites out there for help and support.

sending hugs and best wishes...

Answer 5

i am so sorry. really. it has been a terrible shock to your whole system. be kind to yourself. there is research that states that it is difficult to get over this because hormones are in your body that have bonded you to him. these hormones are what are making you cry. that is why this is so intense. couple ways to heal : do not talk to him or call him or try to catch sight of him. it is wrenching but it breaks the addiction. get hypnosis, really, to program your mind to look for ward to your bright future. promise. physical excercize helps to quickly reprogram the hormones so you feel so much better. again, i promise this is true. go out and meet other people, at first no one will measure up, but the more you get out the more options you have. look as fabulous as possible. pray. yes, pray for peace of mind and a good future. believe good things are coming. read a book called 'the secret'. when he calls to see how you are doing, and, they all do, be warned, say precisely the following in a bright, happy but detached voice : " gee i would love to take a second to talk to you, but, um, honestly, i was just walking out the door. so, gotta go! thanks for calling!! " say exactly that. the personal power you will feel will be shocking to you.

Answer 6

You'll be over it when you're over it. Some people it's weeks, others it's months. I wouldn't be concerned until it becomes a full year.

It sucks when a long term relationship ends. No question.

Answer 7

The way I see it, unless you carry that kind of upset for an unreasonable period of time, you have to just let yourself feel whatever comes naturally. You can't force yourself to be over it. I think it's when you do that that you are setting yourself up for a relapse, because you aren't processing it.

Eventually, you WILL grieve, so it's healthier to just let it come, because grief does follow a certain pattern.

My husband left about six weeks ago, and through normal day-to-day stuff, I know fairly soon after (within a week), I was able to have moments of honestly enjoying my kids.

Granted, some days are just as hard as they were in the beginning, but those days are coming less often. For example, in the first week, I cried -- HARD -- every day at some point. The first night I went to bed and realized I had not cried that day was really empowering.

Now, generally speaking, I'll be upset at sometime during the day, but not that dispairing feeling I was having early on. And usually my bad days coincide with something like dropping my kids off at his house for their 4 days with him, hearing them talk about his girlfriend (and hearing that they like her), imagining him WITH her sexually or telling her he loves her, going to the divorce attorney's, etc.

Minor setbacks happen when things like seeing the Sweeney Todd trailer on tv (we were looking forward to seeing it) or finding a Pepsi in the fridge (I can't stand Pepsi, and he always got those because he know I wouldn't drink them) happen. My breath will just kind of catch, and I'll have to immediately try to distract myself.

But even those things are happening less, so hopefully, I'm on the mend.

He, on the other hand, is still in denial -- according to everyone we know, particularly a best friend of both of ours who is a psychologist. He staretd dating immediately and insists he loves this other woman, bringing her around the kids, etc., but all that started less than a week after we split. According to my friend, he may seem like he's doing just fine as anything right now, but in the end, I'm going to be handling things better, because I am actually allowing myself time to grieve and work through it. He's fine now, but he'll realize after it doesn't work out with his new girlfriend that it's not as easy as he's imagined it is.

I hope she's right.

I was told in elementary school that it can take about 21 days to create a new habit. That kind of makes sense in this situation, because it was about three weeks before I started kind of functioning okay for the most part. You're in the habit of being with him, so you won't be suddenly OUT of that habit immediately.

Just let the feeilngs come, and try to process them the best you can, without wallowing in them. Anger's a tricky thing. You have to take it seriously and work through it, but you can't let yourself become stagnant in it, because if you do that, it will just consume you.

So don't try to make yourself feel any particular way, distract yourself if you can, but acknowledge that it's okay to feel the way you do. It just takes time.

Good luck, and happy healing.

Answer 8

everything you're going through is normal. after my near seven year marriage it took me a while to get my stuff together. i was in the relationship for nearly ten years, and now I'm fine. you just have to take it one day at a time.

Answer 9

TIME HEALS. hard to believe now...but promise you will se in a year. and this will be a speck in your life. especially when your happy again.

Answer 10

yes it is normal......one day at at time.....make new friends keep busy...this too shall pass