I feel like I missed out?

Question

I know this probably sounds stupid, but I was induced to have my baby because I had high blood pressure, so I didn't get to go into labor naturally. Then my labor lasted 23 hours and they performed a c-section in the end because I had been dilated at a 5 for 16 hours. I just feel like I missed out on the whole experience of child birth and I can't stop thinking about how these other moms (2 of my friends had their babies within 2 weeks of mine) got to experience such a magical thing and I didn't. I had my baby 8 weeks ago and I love her so much, but I feel like I didn't work very hard to deliver her (though recovery was h*ll!)
Is it normal to feel that way?

Answer 1

((((carcar))))
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It brings you down doesn't it? You have a healthy and happy baby- and that IS what matters.

When our son was born, it was a 28 hour labor. Failure to progress. It was horrible. I had planned a natural labor with no interventions. I had planned it all out. What I had planned didn't happen at all. He was very nearly a C-Section- but my midwife asked the doctor who came in to wait an hour and let me sleep after the epidural. I slept- and my body started to pick up as normal. Still, I felt hopeless and that I had let myself down. Silly now that I think back because he could have died in distress.

Your feelings are very, very normal. You need to allow yourself to say, "It's ok, I have my baby...".

You also need to know that whatever happened this time will likely not happen if you choose to have another baby. Our daughter was born and it was a perfect 12 hour labor with no interventions at all.

I am glad you put this up- you need to know many, many of us have experienced the same feelings. You need to know it happens a lot. I don't agree with birthplans. You can plan all you want- but every labor is different. Every labor for the SAME mom is different. I think it sets women up for defeat if things occur as they sometimes do and it doesn't work out that way.

Enjoy your baby and remember that you did a great job!

Answer 2

I feel like that to some extent because I had a c-section, but mine was scheduled. None of the women in my family have been able to dilate past about a 8 or 9 and a few of them have almost died because they tried to deliver naturally. My aunt still has complications from her labor 7 years later. So after discussing all of this with my doctor and him telling me that I would probably need one whether I went into labor naturally or was induced, I cried (A LOT!!!) and then decided to go ahead and schedule a c. I still feel a little cheated because I wanted an all natural labor no drugs and I didn't even come close. I also had to come to terms with the fact that I will always need a c-section if I get pregnant again. But I have waited so long to be a mom that I have finally come to terms with the fact that even though I didn't push her out, I nourished her with my body for 9 months and that matters more than how she got here. It just takes time sweetie. So, good luck with it.

Answer 3

It's normal, but you can't change the past, you will need to grieve for the experience you wish you would have had and then move on.

However, if you are determined, next time you should see a midwife--they are certified nurse midwives that hold medical degrees. There are tons of women who have had VBACs- Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, and often a midwife can help you accomplish that goal inside a hospital setting. Several of my friends have gone that way. Look into it!

I didn't have the birth I wanted the first time, and the second time I just made a goal for myself to correct all the things I didn't like and not to make the same mistakes. I had a really amazing second birth experience, all because I took the bull by the horns and was determined to have as much go in my favor as possible.

For now, focus on that sweet little angel and how lucky you are to have her!

Answer 4

Oh hun that is such a normal feeling. We're led through all the media and peer pressure to be perfect mothers from the very minute of conception. No medications during pregnancy, natural delivery when baby chooses with no medical intervention, breastfeeding no matter what. It's like society is setting us up for failure! There is minimal support outside of your doctor and husband unless you actively search it out.
I actuall elected for a c-section the second time around becuase I had such a traumatic and difficult vaginal birth with my first child.
I felt the way you did since I was in so much pain from my vaginal delivery that I couldn't even walk for the first few days.
The part I ran into the major guilt was with breastfeeding. My son never did learn to latch or suck well enough to be on the breast. Add to that I couldn't find a pump that worked well with my so I couldn't get enough milk expressed to feed him. I finally gave in at 2 months old when he'd scream hysterically whenever I'd lift my shirt. With the formula came the guilt especially since he had a severe allergic reaction to the standard formula.
In the end it doesn't matter how our little angels get here! What matters is you are momma and your baby loves you! No matter how baby got here or how they are fed they are yours and you are theirs. That is all that matters as long as there is love!

Answer 5

I sometimes feel the same way. I was in labor for 13 hours (I was induced because I was over-due) and eventually had to have a c-section for failure to progress and my son's heartrate kept dropping down to the 80's. I feel like I missed out on the emotional experience of it all, and such. I agree, recovery was hell, but it would have been nice to have him naturally. Plus now I'm stuck with c-sections from now on.

Answer 6

I'm sorry you feel that way. At least you got to experience the labor. That is a major part as well as the delivery. Honestly, I didn't care either way and after my body not cooperating I was routing for a C-section. But the doctor wanted to try one push, before proceeding to a c-section. I had been at 9.5 cm for 3 hours and my pubic bone seem to be in the way. I gave one really good push and dilated to 10. And it was on, with many pushes I delivered 30 minutes later . But it didn't matter, how she came out, I just wanted to see the little creature we created and that I nurtured with my own body.

Answer 7

Totally normal IMO. We have almost the same story. My water broke but contractions never started, so I was on pitocin for 14 hours of hard labor-never dilating and ending in a c. I feel like I missed out as well. It's hard to get over that feeling....my baby is 6 months old and I still struggle with it.

Answer 8

Your experience is almost exactly the same as mine. Same scenario happened to me. I also felt very depressed about missing out on the birth experience. But my son is now seven months old and I am getting over it. I just think I have to be thankful he was ok. He was 4 weeks early, my blood pressure was sky high and it all could have turned out much worse. Were you on the magnesium sulfate? I was and I really think that made the experience horrible. I was so out of it. But like my doctor said, seizure or magnesium sulfate. I also felt like I worked very hard to deliver and you should too after 23 hours. I think it is totally normal to feel this way, but just look at your beautiful baby and thank God for her and your health!!! :)

Answer 9

It is very normal to feel this way! Most mothers want to experience what their mothers...and countless others before them went through. Being part of the "club" and all! :) I had my first son naturally, my second by induction. You and I are both mothers no matter how the children got here. You have the most important part ahead of you. You get to enjoy that precious baby! :) Just to let you know I hated being induced, the natural labor was so much easier than the induction, but I do not feel lucky to have experienced "natural" childbirth, I feel lucky to have been able to bring two precious little boys into the world! :)

Answer 10

Yes, you worked very hard to deliver her believe it or not. Delivery isn't just labor and birth. Think about it. You had to stay away from alot of dangerous things to keep your baby safe inside of you. You had to stop eating some of the bad things that could possibly hurt her, you had to stop drinking and somking (if you did that stuff). You work very hard to keep and deliver your baby after 40 weeks. Trust me you did an awesome job. I had mine natural i wouldn't take it back for anything in the world but i want to let you know that you worked damn hard. Other women can't have babies and if they do get pregnant they have to hear the harsh fact of them losing it 8,9, 14 weeks later. So trust me you worked very hard, and don't let anyone tell you that you didn't.