am I being unfair?

Question

ok well I have 2 very best friends. One is named Alyssa and one is named Danielle. I hang out with Alyssa a lot more because we're both in cheer and our families are closer, so we can do whatever whenever. Today Alyssa and Danielle both went to church together without me. I didn't think much of it, because Alyssa and I always hang out without Danielle so I thought it would only be fair. Well all throughout the week we talked about going to Christmas Tree lane, all three of us, and then I find out today that just them two are going without me! Im so mad and I feel totally left out. Danielle's like "Well you always leave me out when you hang out with Alyssa." I understand that, but when you plan to go all together and one person doesn't go, isn't that unfair? Because it's not like we were planning for just two people to go. Am I being unfair or are they being unfair? Tell me how you see it.

yeah, alyssa and I didn't intentionally leave her out, they were just plans that happen out of nowhere and we can do them because our parents let us.

and it may seem weird that Alyssa is closer to me, because Danielle just happens to be my cousin.

my mom and dad don't like her very much, so they don't let me hang out with her that much.
and i can't tell her that or else she won't be friends with me.
so yeah, it's definately not intentional.

but that's besides the point, they had "no room in their car."
well danielle could've just gone with her family and not invited alyssa, especially if these were pre-arranged plans. and you can't leave people out, that's not even cool. it would've been better if she just hadn't invited anyone at all and gone with her family.
buut no, being Danielle, she just had to choose Alyssa over me.
which also makes no sense to me, because since Danielle and I are cousins, shouldn't we be closer?
idk, I feel like Danielle and Alyssa are best buddies noww.

Answer 1

They are. That is so not cool to plan something that includes all tree of you and then just exclude you from the trip. You wernt being unfair at all and you need to make it clear to Danielle that it wasnt intentional if she really was feeling that way. Id be PO at both of them and annoyed at Danielle becuase of her excluding me just becuase she feels left out at times if I were you.

EDIT: and i must agree with Rae. I too think it was imature for them/Danielle to do that. And l;ike i said earlier, its not like you made it intentional for Danielle to feel that way, so you should talk to her.
EDIT 2: try to fix things with your cousin, it'd be sad if your cousin and you have a bad relationship together b/c of this.

Answer 2

I think that it's very immature for someone to leave you out just because you "hang out" more with Alyssa, so why can't you all just go together and have a great time...isn't that the whole point to Christmas Tree lane? Tell that to Danielle.

It sounds like that Danielle is jealous, or even sad, that she does not get to be around you girls. I understand that you and Alyssa are closer, but try letting Danielle in...maybe she feels unwanted, try looking in Danielle's eyes.

Answer 3

Why wont they let you go? I can understand that you and Alyssa hang out more for cheer and it makes things a lot easier when your parents are friends. it sounds like you don't leave Danielle out on purpose, it is just that she isn't involved with some of the same things. If you were all planning on going and now they say they want it to be just them that is really mean and unfair to you. I'm very sorry, I used to have these same problems with my 2 best friends when I was younger.

Answer 4

Anytime people make plans together then they should be stuck to unless one or more of them give the others some notice. Since all three of you had plans to go together, then that isn't the same thing as just suddenly doing something together unplanned, which I take it is what you say you've been doing with Alyssa sometimes. Danielle may feel as though she has been snubbed in the past, but you leaving her out doesn't sound like it had been purposeful. Her leaving you out of prearranged plans is.

Edit: And yes, everything she gives as reasons for leaving you out of it are just excuses. Since they were plans you all had, then any change to them should have and could have been brought up beforehand. They didn't just have to go with you and without informing you.

Answer 5

I know what you are going through. It is never fun to be left out or to be the third wheele. In middle school I was always the one left out among my 2 best friends and I. I think they are being more unfair because Danielle shouldnt have said "Well you always leave me out when you hang out with Alyssa." because as you said, you are closer to Alyssa because you are in cheer and your families are closer. Its confusing, I hope you understand how I see it.

Good Luck

Answer 6

It is immature of them to leave you out like that when you all planned it together, I agree. It was mean for them to do that, and her reasons were all excuses. You need to talk it out with them, because it's not fair to you for them to do that, especially if you were all planning to go together, because then you know for sure that it was intentional.

The other side of that, however, is the fact that you /knew/ you were leaving Danielle out and didn't try to fix it. Most of your reasons are excuses as well, so don't argue that her's are worse reasons. You leave her out, and yes, you might be closer to your other friend family wise and activity wise, but that makes you being left out a double edged blade, because you have been doing the same thing to her.

Answer 7

It's unfair to you, and you have a right to be mad.
However, when you and Alyssa hang out without Danielle, if I was Danielle I'd be pretty pissed about that too.
Try talking to both of them, and try hanging with Danielle only too.
You never know, and you always want to treat your friends fairly.
Tell them that you feel really annoyed and left out, and if Danielle brings up her excuse again, apologize for leaving her out and then try to voice your opinion that you guys planned it.

Overall, talk to your friends and work things out. Drama is no fun.

Answer 8

ok... danielle was obviously jealous, but if u no u were leaving her out, why did u leave her out,, but i guess its okey if she didnt say anything or show any thing in anyway!? but uhm. i think u should talk w/ alyssa and ask if u can go , and dont tell danielle so when she sees u shell bee like wtf!?! and thatll make her upset. lol or just be like wow u guys have fun and go with someone on the same day and same time as they are and start laughing realllly loud!!!! haha

Answer 9

sounds like alyssa and danielle is trying to teach you a lesson. and who knows what alyssa has told her, fo rall you know alyssa could have told her that you never want danille around, that its easier without her. sounds like the 3 of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. you said it yourself right here, its easier to do whatever whenever. if you've said this to alyssa she probably told danielle. beings friends in a group of 3 is not easy, I know. I used to be in danielle's shoes. talk to them.

Answer 10

They were extremely inconsiderate of your feelings. They should have told you when you discussed going that the two of them had planned on going alone but they probably didn't have the courage to tell you to your face.

Sometimes young people seem to think that they can only have one friend at a time & monopolize that person's time. It's best to do things with several people one at a time.