I want to hear from people that have been married a long time 20 plus years. Are the feelings still there? Or have you settled into a routine, comfortable with each other? Does your heart still pound and you get excited when you see the other person or they touch you?
2007-12-15 12:47:28 · 17 answers · asked by okie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have hit the 20 year mark....and I cannot say it "its the same" but I can still say that when I get to see my hubby's bare legs, I still get weakened knees. My heart stirs, in a special way...pounds? Not so often really. Sometimes I do miss the flirty fun of the past....but then I look at what happens in some other marriages, I think that this more comfortable spot is a graceful place to be.
2007-12-15 12:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by wawawebis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People do get comfortable with each other, but they can still be romantic and do sweet things for each other... and compliment each other.. just to keep the love fires going.
The feelings you are describing of excitement and pounding hearts are those which budding lovers do feel...
I think that if your marriage is suffering, and there isn't any romance left, but you want some... you could find ways to make things a little more exciting - - date night, doing something together you both enjoy, leave a little note, keep yourself looking nice.. etc.... and talk with your partner about what you'd like... communication usually works.
You can probably find a lot of information if you do a Yahoo search for ROMANCE, HOW TO PUT SPARK INTO A MARRIAGE, etc. the sky is the limit!
take care.
2007-12-15 12:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes. I have been married to the same man for 30 years. I love him more today than yesterday and more tomorrow than today. We are each others best friend. I don't want to go a day without seeing him and a night without sleeping next to him. He is my life and the center of my world. I almost lost him due to illness a few times and I hope to die before he does. I wouldn't be able to stand the pain of being here without him. I met him when I was 14 and he was 15. We dated throught high school and married someone else. Then 5 years later he was divorced and I got a divorce to go back to him. Best thing I ever did. I wouldn't change any of it now if I could. I am very happy and there are still butterflies when I see him. He still turns me on and I love him so much and have no desire to find anyone else ever in my life. I wish everyone could find peace and love with someone like I found in him.
The key element for us is to be spontaneous and surprise each other. I would serve him breakfast in bed once in awhile but he doesn't like that. I do little things to surprise him. I plan little get aways and plan a dinner in a different place and just surprise him. It helps the marriage. We don't get in a routine of doing things the same day after day. One or the other of us surprises the other. I bring him flowers or plan a candle light dinner and stuff to make him smile. He does alot for me too. We are comfortable with each other but we keep it fun and happy. We never yell at each other. We always compliment each other and say please and thank you. Marriage take alot of compromise and work at times. But for us it is worth it. It isn't always easy but for alot of people they give up on marriage to quickly without compromise. I hope this is what you wanted to know.
2007-12-15 12:51:03 · answer #3 · answered by Just Bein' Me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My parents were married 47 years when Mom passed away.
All their friends envied their marriage. I never heard them speak disrespectfully to each other. They were each others best friend. Dad always did his best for Mom, and Mom thought Dad hung the moon. They told each other daily that they loved each other. Mom was ill for her last 17 years, she would ask Dad why he stuck around, why didn't he go find someone else healthy to be with. My Dad is a real MAN. He told Mom that he was committed to her and this was what he "signed up for". Every day I hope that I am the kind of man that my Dad is.
My wife is my best friend. When I introduce her to someone, I tell them this is my wife and best friend. We love each other even more now than we did when we first married. I hope my wife thinks of me as fondly as Mom thought of Dad. I have learned when we have a disagreement, the disagreement isn't really the problem, it's only the symptom of a more serious issue that needs to be resolved amiably. Trying to "win" during a disagreement is destructive to a marriage. The healthy route to a happy marriage is to be your mate's best friend. All the things we do to try to convince the target of our affection to be with us should not stop after we get married. We never stopped "courting" each other. We each still do those special little things for us to keep the love fresh after 14 years. Love is still alive and well in American marriages.
Oh yeah, when she snuggles up to me at night and puts her hand on my shoulder, I still get the "warmies". We still have to touch each other when we are sleeping, even if it is just "footsies".
2007-12-15 13:27:30 · answer #4 · answered by Charles S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I haven't been married but 10 years, but there is just as much passion now as there was the night we got married! I am so very much in love with my husband! My parents have been married for 29 years and they are still very much in love. My grandparents are about to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary, and they also, are very much still in love with each other! My grandmother was telling me the other night that they have NEVER had a fight. She said that they have had a few disagreements, but never a full blown fight. They truly are an inspiration! Shouldn't we all be so lucky?
2007-12-15 13:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by Briana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sociology class did wonders with understanding relationships. People grow used to one another and can communicate without saying a word because they gain an understanding of one another and can draw up the outcome of an event or how the other will respond. Best way to keep the spark kindled is to try new stuff together a lot, do fun and exhillerating stuff. Keep making new happy memories together so you remember the good stuff instead of letting the bad stuff fester and cover up the old good memories.
2007-12-15 12:52:47 · answer #6 · answered by Muzz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately your feelings do change. It is very sad that we can't keep the feelings we have when love is new, such as the butterflies in the belly and more. Life becomes mundane, boring. You know everything about this person, so interesting conversations are few. In having sex, you know exactly what this person is going to do, how he will do it, how long it will last. It is understandable why there is so much infidelity in marriages.
2007-12-15 13:27:53 · answer #7 · answered by SOCKIONE 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married 28 years. There is a degree of comfort - my husband is my best friend. But, he's always been a little bit "scared" of me, and I am a tad in awe of him. I'm more artistic, he's a scientist. He's the only man who has made my heart pound. We had a fabulous physical connection from the start. The combination of mystery and closeness has kept us on our toes.
2007-12-15 12:54:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess there are. But I guess they fall into the routine of things being in their comfort zones. I see a lot of elderly couples celebrating their 40th-50th wedding anniversaries so I guess there are still couples who love each other through those years.
2007-12-15 12:52:45 · answer #9 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not married, but my grandparents have shown me that over the years you can still have that passion. well my grandpa died recently, but before he did they were really in love. they have been together for 41 years and married for 39. it's beautiful and i wish that on eveyone
2007-12-15 12:52:56 · answer #10 · answered by umhum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋