My husband and I have been together for over 2 years. We just got married this past July. He's in the process of adopting my youngest daughter, who's 3, and I'm 4 months along with another addition. Back in September, I found out that he was masturbating to pornography behind my back and then lying about it to me. I am home all the time, so there should be no reason for it. I consider it cheating because he was doing it to the thought of another woman. We almost broke up then because he knew how I felt about it before he did it and he still did it and I don't have any tolerance for lying or cheating. I gave him a second chance. Now, I found out that he signed up for an online dating service and has been sending and receiving messages from other women, plus looking at their pictures. I said that I've had it and that it was the end of the relationship. Am I wrong for doing so? I love him so much and we have a lot together. What do you think I should do?
2007-12-15 12:43:44 · 20 answers · asked by gothmomma_2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Medically it is ok to masturbate, why he would choose to lie is sad. Then going online to dating websites is not okay, he might have issues with being honest and you might want to either deal with that and work with him to get better or leave.
2007-12-15 15:11:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand the masturbation was a problem but as long as you two were open with it, i have no opinion, there. But i would have to totally side with you, for the online dating service. I certainly back you on ending the relationship. If he asked and received a second chance for pornography incident, he had to know without question what kind of deception he was flirting with here, by sending and receiving he must have forseen these consquences, he'd be an idiot not to. I personally think you should let him go, but it can only get worse. Why not talk with some kind of sex counselers and find out a bit about the "why's" of this kind of behaviors, when he know's whats to be lost.
2007-12-15 21:03:03 · answer #2 · answered by ferochira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The masturbation vs. the dating site are two completely different subjects.
The dating site is rediculous, and i wouldn't put up with a man who is on line "looking" for companionship -- because that is what dating sites are for.
Masturbation for men is NORMAL. Like it or not, they are visual creatures and they all masrurbate, look at porn, and have been doing so for thousands of years. It's not cheating, it's just nature. Masturbation has nothing to do with YOU as a person or your sex life...
If i had a husband who was going onto dating sites, looking for a partner, i'd leave.... that's nuts.
2007-12-15 20:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pleasuring himself looking at other women's pics is not cheating: you made a fuss over nothing. It's a damn picture, no harm, many men do that. Women pleasure themselves, c'mon, Sister....
As of signing up for online dating, I see this is a real problem: he's married and he's looking for other women. Tell him you will not tolerate this, that what he's doing is harmful to the marriage and is opening the gates of cheating. Ask him to see together a marriage counselor, maybe he's a sex addict, who knows.
2007-12-15 20:53:58 · answer #4 · answered by Idon'tlivehere 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as far as the masturbating goes...thats normal. all guys do it and a lot of females too. I don't think that is something to be mad at. As far as th edating service, my guess is this was his way of trying to find a new 'porn'. this I would not be okay with because they are people that he can actually contact.
Unless you want to be his sexual slave then I would let him have his 'private' time. He only lied because it probably embarressed him. I think this is quite workable, especially since you love him and you will have a child together. I say loosen up a bit. (and then cancel the dating service)
good luck!
2007-12-15 20:50:41 · answer #5 · answered by redsox fan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As far as the masturbating thing goes...you cant be mad at him. Fact...guys masturbate...mostly to porn. Whether were in relationships or not. Hes lying to you about it because hes a bit embarrassed. He knows you dont agree so hjes scared youre judging him. As far as the on line dating thing goes...who knows. He could just be bored and curious. Ive done this when I was in a relationship without any intent. Talk to him about all these things but dont judge him as you wont get to the truth this way. Good luck.
2007-12-15 20:51:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You know the porn part I could let go (but that's just me) but to sign up for a dating service and talk to other women on line goes way way over the line. You deserve much better and so do your children.
2007-12-15 21:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the masterbating to porn thing is normal and almost all men do it and sometimes its easier to relieve yourself with masterbation rather than going through some big sex routine every time. Even I will masterbate sometimes rather than having sex...as weird as that sounds and I am a woman. As far as having singles sights and stuff, thats wrong of him. Hopefully though you are not pushing him to that with your jealousy. He will always lie about it if you make it an issue, as hard as it is for you let it go as far as the porn stuff goes. Tell him to be more discrete about it so that you don't find out. The single's looking sites, is wrong, he needs to stop that or else. Good luck
2007-12-15 20:50:27 · answer #8 · answered by Brittney 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Porn is an addiction which needs to be broken and can be broken. Chris Cross has a ministry about breaking this addiction. Maybe you could find this on the Internet for help. The on-line dating is more sin which needs to be addressed and broken. None of these things are healthy for a married man to engage in and you understand this.
What this man needs is to be delivered by God from his sexual addictions. How that is going to happen...I don't know. Sexual addictions are powerful sinful pulls. Try to find a means for help for him.
Pray much. Hopefully the Lord will guide you to the right sources of interventions for help for him. If he is unwilling to get help or to give up the porn you are truly better off without him.
*****Heavenly Father, Help this young woman to find help and get this man to be willing to be delivered and release this addiction. I ask in Jesus name Amen
God will help you, Friend, to make it through this whether you stay or leave. Don't stay if he is unwillling to give up the porn. Sorry to tell you, but you and your children are better off without him if he can't release his addiciton. Trust Our Lord and Savior for wisdom and guidance.
2007-12-15 21:05:28 · answer #9 · answered by ruthie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The fact that he has a profile on a dating service website is a big red flag that he's not husband material. He's obviously not ready for that kind of committment and responsibility.
I say move on.
2007-12-15 20:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Sweet♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋