How do you tell a friend they are embarrassing themselves?

Question

I received a Christmas card from a friend with a letter inside saying what she, her hubby & baby have been up to this year. The letter had so many grammatical errors & spelling errors. It basically made no sense! How do I nicely tell her that she needs to have someone proof-read things before sending them to all of their family & friends? Everyone is making fun of her!

I forgot to mention, her husband is a really smart computer geek! Should I maybe mention it to him instead? I don't want to hurt her feelings but she is making herself look so stupid.

Answer 1

Leave it alone. In olden times the messenger of unwanted news was killed on the spot. Now we just hate them. Just let her figure it out for herself.

Answer 2

i think you have 2 main options ...
1. dont tell her and let her get on with it. you could do more damage than good if she thinks everyone is making fun of her, not nice for her just before christmas..."oh btw your grammar is really bad and your friends and family are making fun of you, happy christmas anyways..." =\ everybody can make mistakes

or 2. sit her down in private and tell her that she needs to read through her letters etc before sending them b/c you couldnt make sense of some of the things she says. try make a joke out of it with her so she doesnt feel the need to be so embarrassed.

but at the end of the day you and the other people are supose to be her friends and your all making fun of her? you should be happy she makes the effort not being mean about her when shes just trying to do something nice =\

Answer 3

I wouldn't tell her. I tried that once, and it only hurt the girl's feelings. Some people simply can't spell, or they don't take the time to check for mistakes. Accept it, and do your best to make out what she's trying to say. Those people who are making fun of her are just mean, and possibly a little immature. If your friend is old enough to have a hubby and a baby, then she's not going to suddenly learn how to write properly, and she might just give up trying to share her life with people she cares about.

Answer 4

This is a pretty sensitive issue, so do it in person. Have her over and do something fun together. Mention how much you love to here her family news. Then discretely mention that she needs to spell check her newsletter. You might say that you yourself have used spellcheck and found that it corrected a few errors you didn't know you had. Focus on keeping her comfortable. Say nothing about the other people making fun of her.

Answer 5

Unless you have a relationship where she appreciates absolute honesty, you may have to just pass on trying to help her. Some people get really defensive and she may just decide to take you off her Christmas card list.

One thing that I've noticed that the computer age has done, is that it has allowed us to be lazy in our writing habits. With spellcheck on just about every program and with a proliferation of writing shortcuts in email and IM, it has become acceptable to write like you're 7 years old.

If you really don't care about the friendship, you can always take a red pen to it and make all the corrections and send it back to her.

Answer 6

Umm...kat, seems like the one who's really embarrassed is you, not your friend.
If she took the time and pains to send you and other friends and family a letter along with a card, why not just accept them, and appreciate them in the spirit in which they were given?

Christmas doesn't exist and thrive in beauty and truth because it's grammatically correct. It's because it's full of love and charity and forgiveness.

Twinkle just like a star.

Answer 7

*She is your friend!* If others laugh at her letter-writing errors, be a friend and tell those people to go eat a bug. If they're that critical and picayune, they don't deserve to get letters from her or anybody else. I can't believe this--she's taking the time to write to them, probably thinking that they care for her, and all the time they're laughing at her behind her back?!?! What a scum thing to do!

I'd say love and accept *your friend* as she is, bad grammar and all. Her value as a person really has nothing to do with her writing skills, does it?

Merry Christmas to you and your friend. God bless you.

Answer 8

Unless she's sending letters out all the time, I don't think it's worth potentially hurting her feelings over something that happens once a year. People will forget about it soon enough. Maybe next year you could ask if you could do your letters together, or ask her to proofread yours and then offer to do the same for her, or something that doesn't highlight her shortcomings.

Answer 9

Just tell her what you think. It will be of help for her, or not.
E.g.
I was very shocked to have to support the smell of another woman to some exercises in a sports-room. I couldn't stand it, and asked her some time later if he drunk something a night before? Of course, she said NO, bla bla bla . . .
The next time I saw her, she had been radically changed. And she was looking astonishing, too. So, when someone wants to change, they can . . .

Answer 10

Not a few of us have good grammar or literary skills. I would just tell her kindly that she needs to upgrade both. Just the fact that she is sharing her time from the last christmas holiday with you is a thoughtful gesture. She has a year to improve her ability, and I would try to help her.

Answer 11

I'm sorry but I think you and the other "friends" who are making fun of her should be ashamed of yourselves. You should be grateful she cares enough about you to take the time to write a letter, never mind if her spelling and grammar isn't great.