On Nov.13, 2006 my high school boyfriend died all of a sudden. I am in a lot of pain . How do I get past it?

Question

It had been years since we went out, but I was the one who broke up with him. And I hurt him. I was afraid because he got close to me. And I ran from my feelings for him. He was always there for me though, and still cared. I am living with remorse, because I can't remember if I ever said sorry for the pain I caused him. Plus I realize he is the only guy who did really care about me. Ever. All my relationships since have been bad and abusive in one way or the other. I found out his were all bad too. I am close to his parents, and they treat me like gold. They know I feel really bad, and tell me it's okay. But it doesn't help. I am just so hurt. I lost my dad just 6 months before Brian and another friend in between their deaths. It is very hard. Brian is the on that is hurting me the most. Because I had so many chances to make things right, but I didn't. I do not know what to do. Does anyone have any comments? Or suggestions? Thanks AnitaMarie

Answer 1

You should consider joining a grieving support group. Check your area for one.

Answer 2

This may sound a little off the wall, but try writing a letter to him. In the letter, say everything you want and need to say to him that you couldn't or didn't say before, good and bad.
Then tell him in the same letter that you will always remember him, and how his presence in your life was a good and precious thing, like all special relationships are. Then thank him for sharing his life with you while he was here.
Keep the letter, or not, your words and thoughts will reach him---- just as importantly you'll be working through your loss and regrets at the same time.
Grief and sadness take time. Making your peace with those who have left will help you.

Answer 3

find a NA meeting to go to.. one you will see folks dealing with far worse than you and you will learn to except that which you can not change.