It might appear that I am looking for sympathy-but I'm not. I just found out today that my brother-in-law (whom I have known and loved for 20 years) was just sentenced yesterday to 438 years for rape from a trial earlier this year. He is supposed to go to trial next year on 94 counts of murder and kidnapping. No I am not joking. How do you deal with something like this? Even in hindsight I can see nothing that makes me think he could actually do this. What can I say to my sister? She believes completely in his innocence and luckily there are no children.
2007-12-15 11:44:16 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Debi! This is a trip!!!!!!!!!!! I can't imagine knowing someone that long and not knowing they were capable of this...plus in order to do all this he had to be missing some of the time...where did your sister think he was?? How can he be found guilty for all this if he didn't do it, I mean with DNA and all that stuff now. I would feel, dumbfounded! And of course sad for my sister. And thankful there are no children!!
I have an older cousin who in his 60's was married to a woman that got 250,000 dollars in the divorce and he put a bomb in her car tail pipe and she got burned but not real bad and he is doing life too. He did this in his late 60's! He was funny and sweet to me but I remember that he could be very mean to his first wife. So it didn't really surprise me that much. My aunt who always favored him and I was in shock. I am so sorry to hear this...sending a big hug!!! xoxo
2007-12-15 11:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by Meeshmai 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
94 counts of murder????? What is he a serial killer, another Ted Bundy. I think (hope) you got that wrong. Goes to show you just never know somebody. Why the seperate trial from the rape and now murder. Some people are in complete denial. If they have that many counts on him, for both the rape's and murder/kidnapping then he sure must have done something wrong. All I can say, is just be there for her and give her comfort through this ordeal. She is a victim here, and I'm sure it is causing her much mental anguish. She might want to get a divorce and get on with her life.
2007-12-16 06:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by Moe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot feel any different than you are feeling now. It is the same in war. When someone you have been with is in battle with you and they get killed right next to you and you survive, what do you tell their wives and kids that you have played with a treated as family. God's choice, a roll of the dice, fate. No matter what you say each of you has to come to grips with the situation in your own ways. If it is that important you try to appeal or fight it in some other ways, if you feel that it isn't your place for some reason, that is your choice. But no matter what you do, you cannot please everyone every way. After Viet Nam, I and countless other servicemen and women found out that you can only do what you can do. Nothing else will change unless you have availed yourselves of every available outcomes. That is all I have to say. Hope you feel better and everything works out to your satisfactions.
2007-12-15 13:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Debi... I don't know what to say... honestly don't... to go into the minds of these people proves to be very interesting. I know this doesn't help you. But, I'm not sure any of us can at this point. Mental deceases are so difficult to understand, in fact impossible. One can understand the dynamics of the thing but not the actual act or acts committed by a demented mind. Be grateful that your sister is alive and as well as can be under the circumstances. I think you will find that she will suffer greatly in the future due to this unthinkable animal like behavior of one she thought she loved. Good lord what a thing to have to deal with! I'm very sorry for your family and the victims and the families of this persons alleged crimes.
2007-12-15 12:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Oh Poor Debi - my heart goes out to you. You will be in my prayers tonight! You cannot say anything to you sister that will amount to much, because you have not walked in her shoes. What a very sad and dreadful situation. All you can do for her Debi is give her big hug every day and BE THERE FOR HER whenever she needs you. Whether or not you share her belief in his innocence - support her and her needs, regardless of what you believe. CJ
2007-12-15 16:42:42 · answer #5 · answered by CJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
. My heavens Deb, I am so very sorry, unfortunately things like this happen in families and they are the ones that carry the burden as well. My heart goes out to you and big, big hugs for you.
How could he have 94 counts of murder?
Recently friends of mine have a son who is 33 years old, he was on drugs. Was sentenced to jail but got out on the "work release program", he stayed with friends of his, a boy he knew since grade school. He is awaiting trial for murdering 3 people, he slashed their throats. He murdered his friend, his mother and the aunt, they gave him a place to stay and tried to get him off drugs..it was either meth or crack
2007-12-15 13:01:26 · answer #6 · answered by slk29406 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Could you clarify ? What is his name ? He would be easy to find on the Internet because serial criminals become infamous and remain so long after their crime. Remember Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy and Aileen Weirnous ? But similarly these too were not discovered by Friends and family, except Aileen did show signs, but many did not know what to look for. You have my sympathies and your sister does too. But another question is, has your sister been tested for STD or HIV ? Love and support her of course and careful, she could become suicidal at some time. *Goodwill*
2007-12-15 12:32:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
boy did you throw a turd in the punch bowl -- this is a rough one == i have been through about everything a person can for through but nothing that comes close === now i am going to assume he is in fact guilty = it has to be tearing the whole family apart -- the only thing i can suggest is a lot of hugs and very open ears === every body has to remember that old saying "love is blind" and i think it will be along time before you sister will break down and accept the fact!!! if possible get her out of the house and back in the world working and dealing with all of the other everyday problems -- but one thing is true time heals all wounds!!!
2007-12-15 12:05:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
You have to emotionally detach yourself from the situation and just be there for the family involved.
Life goes on even when we don't want it to. Hang in there and try to be brave for your sister. We hate to believe the worst of the ones we care about but where there is smoke, there is fire. Like you said ,thank goodness there is no children!
2007-12-15 14:45:57 · answer #9 · answered by Donna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is the one that was in the news here today then you have my prayers. That's a tough thing to live with. You didn't know about any of this till today? What a shock. You love him, you must support him and his wife in this. Rapists are sick individualists. The evidence was overwhelming in this case. Help your sister though this trying time if you can. It's going to be up to you weather or not to visit him.
2007-12-15 11:56:18 · answer #10 · answered by curious connie 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋