Hello all...I'm a 20 year old guy and my problem is complex. I need your generous advice here. Please help me.

Question

I act very serious and talk only very specific when compared to other friends of my age. They all love partying and drinking and spend their life easy and enjoyable. On the other hand I cannot find any friends because my nature being a serious person is scaring them away. I love being with people but every time I talk I feel that I'm not normal or that I'm lacking something which they all have in common. This is causing me lot of problems and some have openly admitted that I'm too strange for a person of my age. Am I ok? or is it some kind of trouble that I should be worried about later in my life? One of the test proved that my personality type is typical to that of "A". How can I be more like a person who, people would like to label as a "20 year old guy" rather than a "40 year old man"??? Please help. I do love to be a guy who is more fun and easy going at least during my college life. I think that I'm ruining myself for being so weird.

Thank you

Answer 1

Man, That's a long question.. No time for that..

Answer 2

I think it would be a good idea to find friends you have more in common with. There's nothing wrong with being a serious person but at your age, it's not easily understandable to other people who are different than yourself...that's all! If you truly are a type "A" personality you should have no problem making and keeping friends or having some fun. You might try and devote some of your time to more light-hearted things and the rest to your more serious pursuits.

Whether the guys understand you or not is really a moot point. Do you like you? Do you understand you? In a few years you'll be out of school and on your own. There will always be many people who will appreciate your serious nature. You're not ruining yourself at all but you would be if you were doing things that were not in your nature! It's probably a bit uncomfortable now, since you're still a very young man and want to be a part of the crowd at school. For many, in the early years, that means partying, drinking and not paying all that much attention to your work. For you, it's different. You simply have values that are dissimilar to those around you and that doesn't make you strange or weird!

Whatever you do, do not make the terrible mistake of changing yourself to fit the situation. Situations change as life progresses and you'd have to float like a leaf in the wind in order to live. Better to anchor yourself in truth than live a lie. That's not to say you may not benefit yourself by being just a bit more flexible. There's time for all things when you're as young as you are. Good luck...and be true to who you are!

Answer 3

Not good. There's a big difference between 16 and 18 -BIG. You don't feel it yet because you're in the moment and hind sight is always 20/20. Truthfully he's in the worst position. You are basically jailbate. If your parents don't like the fact that you're seeing him or down the line you have problems with him and decide to get the police involved he's in hot water. Even if he's a good guy it will always look bad on his part because simply put he's older and he should know better. As mature as you maybe he's older and wiser and that's a big advantage. It's not an even playing field.

Answer 4

First of all EVERYBODY is weird. I, for example, am a 22-year old man with a fantastic girlfriend and who loves rugby. I also collects model soldiers, love rubbing my girlfriend's ears when they are cold, believes in God but hates Christians and I have a large collection cuddly toys of The Muppets. I hate going out and would rather stay in doors with a DVD or a book. And you know what? I dont care.

People will respect you more if they know that YOU like yourself. I hated who I was when I was in school and college and while I have changed other the years, I still do the things that I like to do and don't give a **** what other people think of me. Yes you will get teased if you are different but so what? You only get one life and there is no point being unhappy living it. There is no-one in this world who you cant live without if they cant treat you with respect. You sound like a decent guy.

Don't change.

Answer 5

Been there, done that.

I was the one that stop drinking at an early age, and never did drugs. At first no one wanted to hang with me, but soon found out that I was still a lot of fun without the alcohol.

I would order Club Soda with a twist of lime, and everyone felt as though I was drinking with them instead of judging them.

I would offer to be the designated driver, and they loved that also.

Relax and have fun while you're young. Because "everyone" goes through it. And you'd rather experience it now than later and possibly becoming "an old fool".

You would truly hate to get into your 40's, married with children and then all of a sudden feel you'd missed out on something and start going through a midlife crisis.

Now is the time when it's acceptable.

Answer 6

So you have a type A personality. Big deal. Type A personalities keep the disorganized masses in check!!! I used to think i was a total weirdo...and I was. everyone made fun of me and i was misserable. One day, i just stopped caring and I found that, at heart, everyone feels that way. we're all weird. It's not a bad thing. i think that you would get along better with your peers if you learned to loosen up a bit. It wouldn't hurt your future career opportunities either. Start by watching comedies. As a writer, I know there is nothing wrong with having influences. If you're more into the straight laced life, i promise you that you will silly comedy. go more for abbot and costello or woody allen. The older comedians usually have a more sophisticated sense of humor that might suit you.

Answer 7

trust me, you do not want to be like most people out there. life is serious. it's not just about partying. and especially at 20, it should no longer be.

i just hope you will find a girl who will appreciate the fact that her man's interests lie in things more meaningful than partying and clubbing.

the problem with our generation (i'm just slightly older than you) is that it is a very immature generation (emotionally). THat's why it's taking both gals and guys much longer to settle down, and even then, as soon as hardships come their way they recourse to the same things as young, immature, adolescents do: infidelity, drugs, drinking, partying it up or give up alltogether, by divorcing.

Most of them never develop coping mechanisms and can never really accept that life is MUCH more than just a game and a big party/orgee.

I know it's tough to be "different", to be too serious, too pragmatic etc but you just gotta think that maybe you've got something going and in the long run you might end up way better off. no need to change i would say.

Answer 8

I think that is so sweet. You are just smarter than others maybe and don't want to waste your time doing or thinking what they are. I think in time, you will find your niche and a group of friends that really like your 'odd' personality. I am the same in alot of ways because my husband works at a prison and does tattoos as a second job and I'm not really fitting in with alot of people he knows, but they find it interesting, I think, that we are so different. We have been together for ten years and married for one and things are great. I just think time will change things. Do you have a job? Are you making good money? If so, how about a makeover, a new wardrobe?? Sometimes the outside loosens up the inside?? I think you should be proud of being a little different. Who wants to be like everyone else anyways? Good luck to ya! Have good holidays!

Answer 9

Aww don't change trust me we need people like you around people like you will get the job done always right and not be one of those other people that do half job! I mean just because you are serious more than others it's not as bad as you think. All you need to do is just loosen up a bit and let things slide once in a while but other than that I mean you sound like a really decent man who is going to go far in life. So just remeber not to sweat it and maybe once and a while go out and have some fun!! If you liked my advice then you should im me at blackwhiteatw!! I hope that helped you out!!

Answer 10

If you are just serious and more focused on concrete issues than on the light-hearted banter that often occurs between people having fun together you may just need a good dose of humor. Try listening closely to what others in the group are saying before you join in, then contribute something funny or "superficial" just to get comfortable. If you feel you need help, check a book store, there are books on just about every topic imaginable, including "winning friends" and being the "life of the party".

Answer 11

Yup, been there done that. Hated hanging around with my own age group for a very long time. Had a hard time keeping friends and was always uncomfortable in groups, especially groups of people my own age. Never liked partying either.

I've always had a friend of my own age group though, never more than one at a time. I generally hang out with much older people. One of my good friends now is 30 years older than me.

I'm in my 40's now and have lots of friends and acquaintances, most older than my by at least a few years. I've learned to be with larger groups of people, but I still avoid parties with large amounts of alcohol and bars. I've learned to do the 'small talk' thing and I read up on current events so I have something to talk about. I still gravitate towards the older folks in the room, though.

I've got a good life, a good wife, nice home and a business of my own. You don't need to change your whole life to please others, you just need to find your place in the world that presents itself.