How do you tell your Dad that your Mum is getting married?

Question

My mum has told me she and her partner are getting married this February. My Dad is still bitter and hurt about being dumped almost 20 years ago. (Yes I did say 20!). He suffers with depression.

Please don't tell me not to say anything, this is completely unrealistic, and would hurt him more when he does find out.

Answer 1

My late Dad was a depressive. On Doctor's advice I had to carry the burden of my Mother's terminal illness on my own, until near the end, Then I had to cope with him for 23 years until his own death. I am an only child, so there was no-one else to share or discuss things with. Although I was never in your particular situation, I think I know about dealing with depressives.
You have to tell him, and it has to come from you. It would be worse if he heard it elsewhere, especially when he finds out that you know. You will be in a better position to cope than an aquaintance if he takes it badly. Perhaps have a word with, and get advice from, his GP before you tell him, as it may cause a setback.
When I had to tell my Dad that Mum would soon die, I chose a neutral setting, we were travelling in a car, where he wouldn't always associate with bad news. I started by telling him that he would have to be very brave, and it went from there. Your Mum can't spend the rest of her life tiptoeing around your Dad, he will have to work his way through it. Good luck, it's not going to be easy.

Answer 2

Hi,this is difficult ,even though they split up so long ago,but it really is not your job,and it is nothing to to with your dad now anyway,i know that sounds harsh but,your parents split so long ago ,that your mum is entitled to do what she wants,she is a single woman.I do understand why you feel the need to tell your dad,but whenever you tell him or whatever you say to him,if he is still hurting nothing will make it easier for him.Your mum must have had her reasons for leaving your dad,i doubt it was just a spur of the moment thing.All you can do ,if you really have to tell him ,is break it gently,maybe drop hints over a few weeks that your mum and her partner are talking about marriage,perhaps once the idea is set then being told yes they are getting married will not be as hurtful.i wish you the best of luck with this hunni,it is never going to be easy for you xx

Answer 3

Well if you feel you must tell him, sit him down and just tell him. There's no magic way to make this happen and for whatever reason he's not been able to let go, so be prepared this will probably anger or hurt him too. But you can't help that, he is totally responsible for his own feelings. You can simply be there for him. Good luck.

Answer 4

Ok - your Dad is a grown up and should be able to face the truth. If he hangs on to bitterness and pain after twenty years it is no great surprise that he suffers with depression.

You are probably the one great joy in his life and you obviously don't want to hurt him but yes you should tell him if you want him to know.

The only way to do it is to come out with it straight.

Sometimes people look weaker than they actually are. Remember he is a grown man and life does sometimes throw us things we don't want. We all have to learn to deal with them.

Answer 5

i lived with my dad while i became into youthful after my dad and mom divorced and my mum moved in with this terrible vile guy. i could not stand to be around him reason i could see how terrible he became into and my mum in simple terms concept he became into marvelous!! my dad used to speak in simple terms like your dad reason he became into heart broken and nevertheless very lots in love with my mum, although he did circulate on ultimately and is now happier than ive ever considered him and im optimistic your dad will too. i comprehend that your in an extremely confusing concern and in case you think of its precise that your dad could understand approximately your mums new fiance then im optimistic your dad will savour your honesty, in simple terms tell him the way you experience. as on your mum she is an person and is entitled to do what she likes, even with how that would make you experience. im optimistic if he isn't any good for her she will ultimately discover that out. i understand you dont decide directly to work out your mum get harm yet all of us could make blunders and regrettably while your in love its each in particular circumstances not hassle-free to work out people an analogous way all of us else does. i informed my mum i hated her new fella and havnt spoken to her in 12 years (her decision not mine) i'd hate this to ensue to somebody else, yet on an analogous time i'd have regretted not announcing some thing.

Answer 6

sorry, hun, but why should you have to tell him? if there isn't someone else to tell him, then just be matter of fact about it. 20 years is a hell of a long time for someone to stay bitter; but it's his problem, not yours. i suffer from depression too, but to be brutally honest, someone like your dad gives us other sufferers a bad name! it sounds like he's using his depression to avoid the things he doesn't want to face up to, & that's not how it works! he knows your mum is in a relationship, whether he accepts it or not, & marriage often does follow! just tell him & be there for him (but not too much, don't be his crutch). don't let him emotionally blackmail you into giving up your life for his! good luck, diane.

Answer 7

I agree it isn't you job to do so. You do not have to tell him anything, But you could advise your mum that she might like to mention it at some point.
Don't tell him before she is married as if he is suffering this much angst over the separation then he is likely to do something silly on the approach to her nuptuals, he could ruin her day and your life..

Answer 8

Maybe try getting him to date someone else before you even decide to drop hints or tell him just like that. But Feb is too near and if he's depressed, then he should have seen a counselor a long time ago. Its your mother's responsibility to inform him but she does not require his permission to do so. Don't bear that heavy load.

Answer 9

Why do you have to tell him? They are not together and what she does is none of his biz. 20 years means a lot, like, "I moved on." His depression is his problem, not your mothers. Telling him seems it would do no good any way.

Answer 10

theres no easy way to ease the upset if he suffers with depression, the best thing is to tell him straight the way before someone elsle does