boyfriend got agressive..should i call him?

Question

last night, me and my boyfriend of almost 5 years got into a fight because i woke him up several times because of his snoring. he promised he would not get mad if i woke him but he was snappy at me and said, i am going in the van to sleep in the driveway..he has done this several times this week and i felt it was my turn to go so i said no, i will go as my friend rented a hotel for me and i was suppose to go but did not so as i procceded to take up our 22 month old son and my 9 yr old daughter to take them with me, he got all mad that i was leaving and we argured..i went in the bedroom and he got me on the floor and put him hands on my neck, i screamed for my daughter to come in, he blocked me mouth, then let go and my daughter came in..i got quickly up and told him to leave RIGHT NOW, he kept trying to look at my neck and i was getting pissed so i told him again to leave and he did...this morning he came back to take a shower and i said are you coming home tonight and he said

if you want me too..i did not answer and he said to call me...I have not yet and i really want him to "just worry a little" so i do not hink i am going to call him plus last night, he said he did not do anything but he put his hands on me....he denies putting them on my neck..what would you do?

I called for my daughter because i was scared he was going to kill me

I do not know how to get out with my kids. I am a stay at home mother. He supports us expect for the child support check i get from my daughter. I can move in with another man but i do not want too and have my kids shuffled through men

Answer 1

There are several things that you have done wrong in this situation. To go over those things is beyond where you are right at this moment. Some day I hope you can talk to someone about what has really happened here.

For now consider this: 1) you have two small children and with that an obligation to make sure they are safe; 2) more importantly, you must make sure that you are safe.

You have just related to a world of people you don't know that you are in an abusive relationship. Hearing that today you might be saying "oh, I wouldn't call it that he has never done this before."

Mistake number one.

Next you discuss with the world whether you should call him or not? You need to make a decision very quickly. And the question is not whether you should call him but whether you should run from him as fast as you can, get a safe distance and then try to get him some help.

Don't make that second mistake. And call him back in after he choked you. I have experience in the area of domestic violence and you have just entered my world. I have worked with the State Attorney's Office in the DOmestic Violence Unit and have seen this happen way to often.

Be careful! If he feels he is loosing control of the situation then you could be in serious danger. This is not something to take lightly or to take on by yourself. Go seek help! Call a local group.

Rule number one in any relationship and it mostly goes unsaid because most men are not violent and controlling, I AM NOT YOUR PUNCHING BAG.

There are not exceptions to this rule. There is no excuse for his actions. (You could have been the biggest B**** around) --no excuse.

No second chance. Drastic changes must be made for your safety and for the safety of your children.

Do not consider going back with him before he commits to seeking help.

Then and only then should you think about reconciliation. Believe in yourself. You deserve better and so do your children.

Answer 2

Sure, if you wanna get your aZZ beat again! A man should never put his hands on a woman and you should NEVER allow ti to happen AGAIN. If this is the FIRST time, then consider it your warning. Usually violence escalates.

And keep in mind that your children will try to imitate the relationship you have - they learn that it's OK for daddy to hit mommy, etc., and the cycle continues.

Sorry, but GET OUT!
good luck.
ymmf

Answer 3

OMG!!

I know its Christmas, but Hunii, WHY would you call for your poor lil 9 year old daughter~!???

Thats so SAD and Horrible on YOUR part to put her in the middle of it!

I know....because i been there.......12 years of abuse, 1st husband
5 years , 2nd ....

GET OUT and dont let him BACK no matter what he says or how much he begs and dont YOU call HIM!!

Answer 4

Besides anger management he has a disorder called sleep apnea which causes extremely loud snoring. If he is half a man he would have offered to sleep in another room. Although he has put his hands on you against your will. WOMAN of the world would be angry with you because you did not call the police. Stop living like woman in the old days that got beat up for NOT OBEYING their husbands or boyfriends. Why did you chose this loser you got to ask yourself that question?

Answer 5

I would call the cops and have him arrested. I did with my last husband for battery. No way should any man lay a hand on a woman. Get rid of him. You stay with him all it will do is make things worse. Kids should not be being in this kind of situation. My daughter saw each time what my ex was doing to me and it tore her apart and she was traumatized for a long time. She didn't trust any men at all. Why would you even call your 9 yr old daughter to see you get choked? I would of yelled" CALL 911" That's what I did with my daughter. See called 911

Answer 6

He's dangerouos.

If he did this over you waking him up for snoring.

Seriously. This man is bad fo you.

Even if he says it'l neve happen again. If a man will do it once. He can do it again. Get this man out of your life.

Or at least discuss this with him

Let him think about what he's done, calm down and feel sorry.

Answer 7

Leave him now! For you and your daughters sake. You really need to contact the police and get an injunction stopping him from coming anywhere near you. Doesn't matter how much you think you love him you have to put you and your daughters' safety before anything else.

Answer 8

You have done the right thing, Keep it up get a restraining order. This man will if given the chance hurt you again and maybe your children. If you don't leave for your own safety Please do it for the kids. I am so tired of reading about some husband / Boyfriend killing his spouse / children.

Answer 9

Get out of his life now. The next person he hurts could be one or both of the children. Leave him.

Answer 10

Girl leave the man alone! You must love your life first, and your children's before you love anyone else. I was in an abusive relationship and I had to make a decision to leave when my daughter was 11 mos. old. I had been in the abusive relationship for so long that I could not remember when was the first time he'd hit me. You are not doing anyone justice by staying in the relationship. If the man loved you, he would not touch you in a violent way - that is the bottom line!

Answer 11

HE HAS ISSUES.
I thought this would be something silly, like that he was half asleep and waved his hand at you, but .. wtf? How do you not remember that? You HAVE to be very awake to have the strength to hold someone down. He couldn't even use sleepwalking as an excuse. He wouldn't have the mental awareness to recognise your daughter, cover your mouth, or hold you down by the neck.
You know why he was looking at your neck? Evidence.

I really don't know if you should call him or not. What about the past 5 years? Has he EVER been violent before? Even a little could be hints of a hidden abuser.

If he seriously doesn't remember it and is denying it ever happened, he has NO respect for you. If he really doesn't remember, he should be saying "Omg, I did that to you?! Are you positive this wasn't a dream? I can't believe I did that" and apologizing, kind of thing.

Although you shouldn't have called in your daughter, I see why you did in the moment. Just don't again.