Marriage Family Councilors and Psychologists state that those who don't live together before marriage have healthier marriages. There seems to be a better sense of commitment in that relationship than those who went for a test ride to see if it would work.
2007-12-15 10:08:28 · 27 answers · asked by Charles S 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes people can shack up and still have a good long marriage. Yes people can shack up and have a lousy marriage. Yes people can not shack up and have a good marriage. And yes people can not shack up and have a lousy marriage. However, the question was not can a person shack up and then have a good marriage? The question is are you glad that you did not shack up before you got married? And my answer is YES! I am very glad of it. One problem with shacking up is that if you do not marry that person you now have lived with another man's wife. And that is not cool.
2007-12-15 10:50:26 · answer #1 · answered by mr_e_cowboy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Absoultely I am! I have done a research paper on this very issue, and I found the same ideas expressed by professionals in the field of marriage and family therapy. I think going through a "test run" is indicative of the insecurity of relationships in modern America, which while understandable is not the most successful formula for marriage. It all comes down to a distorted sense of priorities.
I think that the value of a sexual relationship has been lowered to that of microwave popcorn, where anybody can make it. While popcorn is tasty, easy to make, and fast, it does not satisfy people because there is so much more to a healthy diet. I think sexual relationships should be more like desert after a four-course meal, where the couple start off by meeting each other (bread and butter or appetizer), move to dating (a light salad), enter into a committed relationship (a tasty soup) and then dig into the main course of marriage and relationship (Salisbury Steak, Mashed Potatoes, and steamed broccoli). Then, after all these stages, dessert will taste all the better, and it can be whatever you want (double fudge brownies). This way, a person is able to experience their partner in a variety of situations, overcome some problems along the way, have fun together, and learn about each ther before they unite in monogamous sex.
2007-12-15 18:25:18 · answer #2 · answered by Dan in Real Life 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am very happy with the fact that we never lived together before we were married. Marriage is not something you should "test drive". Love is a commitment, not a feeling, if you have to make sure it makes you happy every day and you always have that in love feeling then you really don't love that person. I also know that I was worth waiting for and not just the best for now. I know that my husband is 100% committed to me no matter what. It also helps me to feel more special and enjoy my husband more when I had to wait for him.
2007-12-15 19:40:41 · answer #3 · answered by Aimee's Mommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't live my partner before I got married and for the last four years, we have discovering each other daily, sometimes its a good experience and at times it may not be so, but still I do find a new personality of my wife every new day and I believe that I did the right thing as it makes my marriage a more imaginative and adventurous.
2007-12-15 18:52:42 · answer #4 · answered by ciwada 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I suppose with shacking up there is no commitment, both parties know that they can walk out at a minute notice, it is not really a test drive for marriage, it is more like getting in a new car, sitting in it for half an hour, smelling the new leather, admiring all the fancy buttons, being very careful not to mess it up, then looking at the two hundred thousand dollars price tag, and with a lot of pain in your heart, get out of it, and go on with the reality of life
2007-12-15 18:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I believe that this is true because those who do live together before hand usually get comfortable in the situation and whenever there is a problem they think that they can ditch out whenever since they're not fully committed. Then again that really does depend on the couple and how serious they are taking one another. Plus, when you wait there is a higher amount of respect for that other person because both parties realize and know that they both hold each other to high standards and have dignity.
2007-12-15 18:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by Gia 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
We did shack up for 4 years before we got married. I never saw it as a test ride. We've been married for 16 years and I wouldn't do it any other way.
2007-12-15 19:06:06 · answer #7 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believed that too, but now I don't know. How long do you have to live with someone before you can know for sure? We didn't shack up before the wedding, but that didn't stop him getting involved with another woman. He left just before the 25th anniversary. I could say that after living with him for a quarter of a century I really didn't know him at all. Shacking up in advance wouldn't have helped.
2007-12-15 18:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by bluebell 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I am very glad that my wife and I didn't live together before we got married, I think it honestly really helped us in our marriage, because then we were able to focus on our relationship and getting to know each other better before marriage, without driving each other crazy by living together.
2007-12-15 18:19:25 · answer #9 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well no i wish that's all i did was shack up . Marriage just leads to divorce years down the road its real rare anymore that people stay married and for the man he is the one that usually ends up with nothing but child support even if she was the cheater .
Shack up and be happy.
2007-12-15 18:24:11 · answer #10 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋