Ok, my girlfriend is a Catholic and i'm Christian, I believe in sex after marriage, but I don't only want to have sex to produce a child. She doesn't believe in taking birth control or any form of contraception... for example... I don't want to get married and on our wedding night have sex and she's pregnant, then never have sex again until we want another child. This is almost selfish of me, but I believe sex can be used as a form of pleasure, not only to make children.
I don't ONLY want to have sex 4 times to have 4 kids, then never again....
What do I do? We love each other, not getting married any time soon, but if it ended up happening... I just don't want kids as soon as I get married, we're still young (twenties). I believe you should only have children when you're ready, but don't believe it's wrong to have sex for pleasure... with the love of your life, and you're married to one another....
2007-12-15 08:53:24 · 15 answers · asked by Would you rather? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Find a different woman.
2007-12-15 08:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Catholics do not believe that sex is only for producing children and if she thinks this she is highly misguided. It is a form of love and expression between husband and wife. I suggest you get her the book Theology of the Body by Christopher West. Do not marry her until you both are clear on what you want and understand, or you will end up in a miserable marriage. Good luck.
2007-12-15 09:20:28 · answer #2 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You appear to need a little more education in Catholic theology as well as more education in female fertility.
Catholics do NOT have to limit themselves to only having sex when they want to produce a child. However, they DO have to keep in mind that sex often makes babies. Not always, but that's one of the normal and natural outcomes of sexual activity. God made it this way, and it's how we are a created in His Image -- He enables us to help create new life via procreation. This is a very GOOD thing.
Like ALL married couples, Catholic couples are free to choose when they have sex and when they do not have sex. It's true that they can't use artificial birth control, but they can have just as much sex as they choose to have. Nobody is limited to "4 times to have 4 kids, then never again..."
Now then, a few quick lessons about female fertility. Women can't get pregnant every day of the month. Guys can father a child every day, but women can't conceive every day. We can only make babies when we have a viable egg present to do so. This is a matter of HOURS, not days or weeks. So Catholic couples who want to make a baby can choose to have sex when that egg is present, while Catholic couples who have a serious reason not to get pregnant (financial troubles, illness, whatever), simply choose to NOT have sex when the egg is present.
God, in His amazing creative way, designed a woman's body to provide signs of ovulation so a woman knows when she's about to ovulate. Most women aren't taught how to read those signs (which is shameful because it's a good way to stay healthy!), but there are changes in body temperature, cervical position, and a host of other potential indicators. By paying attention, ANY woman can learn her body's individual signs of ovulation and narrow down the window of time she is ovulating to about 48-72 hours.
So, for most Catholic couples who are not in a position to have a baby, it's simply an issue of giving up sex for a 48-72-hour period. Of course, most married couples routinely go that long without sex, even if the woman is on the pill or something, because you just can't have sex every day (you try to in the beginning, but it's not practical! ;-) ).
So here's the thing...you can proceed with your relationship with this girl confident that even if/when you marry, you can have a good, healthy sex life. You should also learn more about Catholic theology (try a book like "What Catholics Really Believe) and about the Catholic position on marital sex and artificial birth control (try "Contraception: Why Not" by Dr. Janet Smith). When marriage is imminent, both of you need to learn about reproductive anatomy and fertility awareness.
I hope you live happily ever after.
2007-12-19 05:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by sparki777 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. I would talk to her about it and see what she really believes. If you know for sure she doesnt believe in birth control, there are other ways. You can look it up online. I think if you type in something like pregnancy preventive measures. Maybe put natural preg. preventive measures, then there will be different options. One involves taking her temp. every day (look online for more exact explanation) Obviously condoms, etc.
Make sure though that she thinks it is okay to have sex for pleasure, otherwise you will not be getting any when you get married.
Dont try to change her beliefs, respect them, as they are hers. There are ways of getting around it, so research it and most importantly talk to her.
2007-12-15 09:00:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I married in the Catholic Church (which IS christian, btw) I spoke at length to the priest about BC. He said it was a matter between me and God, how I wanted to handle it. My husband had no opinion either way, but agreed we were in no positiion to start a family immediately. We also took Pre Cana classes to be married in the Church and NEVER was it taught that sex was for procreation only, but also a loving act between married and committed people. Perhaps you should speak to her priest for clarity on these issues, if you are sincere in your goals to be married someday. I am guessing there are many other issues which will need clarifying as well - all WELL before you contemplate marriage.
2007-12-15 09:08:00 · answer #5 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you and she have vastly different views on sex and birth control, then perhaps you aren't a good match. The Catholic church is pretty clear on it's views of such so your girlfriend would have to choose to go against her religion...how does she feel about the issue?
Talk to her about it...I know plenty of catholics who disagree with the birth control issue and use it. Not every Catholic woman has a dozen kids or only had sex to procreate.
2007-12-15 08:59:14 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound like the right relationship for you. Her belief is based on Catholicism and the last I learned was that birth control (besides the rhythm method) is not approved. Also, you are right, sex should also be for enjoyment.
I think if you marry her you will end up with 6 kids, a mortgage and totally sex deprived. It is not worth it.
2007-12-15 09:05:21 · answer #7 · answered by A M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
While it is not entirely reliable, she can use the rythem and temp methods. These methods are accepted by most Catholic as far as I know.
The rythem method inolves counting how many days the entire cycle is to judge when you are ovulating. Taking a daily temp will help judge when she is ovulating. It is certainly not 100% reliable, but it is a method that is used both when trying to prevent, and when trying to concieve.
2007-12-15 09:20:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
catholics are christian, first of all and secondly, not everytime you have sex a child will pop up. why don't you just wear a condom when you guys get married? It's not like taking the pill.
2007-12-15 09:14:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless your girlfriend is willing to compromise with sex and birth control..you had better run....because you will be extremely disappointed once you get married...Sex is one of the top problems within a relationship...
2007-12-15 09:01:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
woe boy! sorry, but the catholics believe in birth control now and believe me they use it!! they still say the "rythem" method is used.......I'm sorry, but with all the catholics running around it proves their rythem method didn't work!
I'd suggest marrying a gal who doesn't pretend to be so pure! Sex is of good use for other reasons not to making babies!!
2007-12-15 09:00:18 · answer #11 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋