what can I do to save my marriage?

Question

We have been married for 2yrs and 2gether for 4yrs. When I married I was done with other men and I give my marriage 150% everyday.He works and I stay home but he never comes home to a dirty house or and I cook nearly everyday.Any drama brought to our marriage he brought it. I'm not careless with our money.We don't have children and niether of us want any. Not only am I good in all the areas of the house I really bring it in the bedroom!!! This may sound cheesy but I feel that God made this man just for me. If we're apart for a second I'm always happy to see him.My soul loves my husband. He is a big man but I love every roll and love handle he has. He is changing he is not the same man married.I've talked till I'm blue in the face and as much as I love him I love me more. I can't imagine having an affair.I told him just because I don't play the game doesn't mean I don't know how. I would do anything to make my marriage work but he is not going to drive me crazy and there's other fish.

Answer 1

As long as you think that you are better than him, there is nothing you can do to save this.

Answer 2

You don't need to "educate" her as if she is a dog!!! first of all, your current situation must me the consequence of something... what has been happening between you two?? haven't you tried to consider that she must be even less satisfied than you are?? you are thinking just about "fingering" and stuff like that when maybe the source of the problem is communication?, empathy? and understanding??? anything else Beyond the mere sexual act? And don't even try to take this situation as an excuse and cheat on your wife now!! That would very selfish and even immature for a man of your age... Try to listen what she has to say and DON'T JUDGE her of having traditional thoughts... im sure there's a lot to save in in your marriage, even more after 22 years!!!!! Good luck and sorry If I spoke strongly but men sometimes are so thoughtless....

Answer 3

try to stop focusing on the things he is doing that bothers you so much. I know that is hard, but when he makes a comment or does something that just really ticks you, try and laugh it off and walk away for a while and take a few deep breaths... DON'T DWELL ON THE BAD. Then remember everyday what made you fall in love with. When he ever does something good, or loving, remember that, and think about it all day long. HOLD ON TO, AND LOVE EVERY SECOND OF THE GOOD. The more you focus on the good in him you will start falling in love with him all over again. And the more you let the bad things like your pet peeves and other things just go away they will stop bothering you as much. But you're right, if it is to a point where you can't be you anymore and he is not him, it might be time to call it quits before you are stuck, and have no life left after your marriage. But you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your marriage to try. You should maybe try counseling together. I know when my husband and I are going through a rough time, we take a vacation together. You can kind of just leave all your worries behind and focus on each other and your love for a while. If his weight bothers you at all, you should try doing something together like exercising, but if that is out of the question maybe you could try dieting together or cleansing together. My husband and I just did Isagenix together, because we were both too comfortable in our marriage and putting on a lot of weight. He lost 25 lbs, and I lost 20 in one month. You can check out the link in my source list and if you want to know more, please e-mail me.

Answer 4

The things you are doing must not be important to him (clean house, etc.) compared to what he feels he needs from this marriage. You need to find out what he really needs, in a way that will not make him feel like you are going to get blue in the face again telling him to change. He won't tell you if you hang it over him, so you need a neutral corner to hash this out. I suggest a GOOD marriage counselor (there are a lot of bad ones).

Check with your health insurance (if you have insurance) on coverage for Mental Health -- that is a way to get low cost counseling to get you two talking together. Let him know the reason you are doing this is so he can get what he wants out of this marriage and speak freely, that you want him to be happy --- not because you want to change him back to what you want him to be for you (a selfish reason he will not listen to).

Answer 5

Okay, you didn't really ask a question here.... How is he changing? What is he doing? And what makes you even have a thought about an affair (If you are saying that you would never cheat, then you HAVE thought about it at last a little, trust me I've been there)

Instead of worring about him, why not worry about yourself? you say that you love YOU more and that is great, but get out of that spotless house and get your own life. Get a hobby. Get a job, do something for yourself and let him see you change.....

Answer 6

so what are the changes
so far all you talked about is you
and you lay no blame on yourself
which is red flag number 1
as a man does not act on his on
he needs a catalyst
and that catalyst is you
you have change after you married
there is something different from the day you dated to the day after you married that has changed
men are reactive to others

Answer 7

Perhaps this is all about your talking un til you are blue in the face TOO MUCH.

If he is so great and everything you always wanted why are you trying to get him to be something he apparently is not?

What is it anyway, doesn't he "do it" as often any more?

Answer 8

You didn't tell us what the problems are in your marriage? Why is falling apart? We can't give you an answer without knowing the problem! E-Mail me sweetie...

Answer 9

you confuse me! are you sure it's you who is talking tell your blue in the face or is it him? cause you have me lost here!!

Answer 10

So what's the problem?