here is some more explanation about my question..I have been a relationship with a guy ( my current partner ) for about two years. We do have a great matual respectful/love relationship with eachother..we are not only partner but best friends as well and all things that should matter in a real relationship we do have them the best. BUT the only problem is, he is porn addicted and masterubte alot, when Im not around. I know that nobody is perfect and he has already honestly told me that, that how he suffers from it, and how it makes him feel bad after doing that so sincere.. we talked I tried to help him and did all I could do..I tried to bring more fun companis in our relationship..to be more sexier and even the way whores wear or things like that or do but still everything is the same..it hurts my feelings b/c I know he is not doing it on porpuse but still DOES. Just need some advice to know how to help him to quit this terrible habit.
2007-12-15 07:22:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I want a mature and logical advice. If your answer is "leave him" or things like that then just leave here pleas, it would'nt help. I want to help and save my relationship with a person who is my love and suffers. ..tnx
2007-12-15 07:22:25 · update #1
force him to choose porn or u. Give him a time limit to get help or get lost
2007-12-15 07:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Quitting porn is not an easy job...but it not impossible as well. If you leave him at this juncture then this certainly is an easy way out for you, i am saying this because I have been a porn addict and my wife was a bigger victim than myself.
The first thing you need to do here is try to make him realize that his addiction is ruining it all. Once he accepts that he is wrong and wants to get rid of this addiction then this becomes a lot easier for the two of you, but please bear in mind that this won't be a piece of cake.
You could also have him visit the site http://www.throughtheflame.org that's where I got support from people who were affected themselves and being with people who have been affected does help because they can relate to the problems better.
If you feel the need then you can take him for psychotherapy as well.
Please remember that if you want to preserve your relationship and help your beau with his addiction then you need to be really strong as there may be situations where you maybe treated as someone interfering, I did that to my wife and our marriage nearly broke off but she held on and finally I realized all my mistakes and have been leading porn free life.
Wish you luck.
Jim
2007-12-18 10:35:37 · answer #2 · answered by Jim Sanders 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a growing concern among many relationship. You stated that "you" had tried to get him help. You did not say whether or not he had accepted outside help. Porn addiction can often be traced to intimacy issues either current or from the past. As with many addictions, it is important that the person truly wants to change and is wiling to accept outside help. Much of this addiction has been spread by the use of the Internet. Remove the computer? Accountability teams can also help. Many churches(of all faiths) are trying to deal with this and have set up support groups.
2007-12-15 07:38:18 · answer #3 · answered by jwhall60 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with porn, and I had an interest in B/D.
My wife and I play domination games sometimes, her in control (my fav) or me in control. She saw a male chastity device and showed some interest. I bought one, and told her I wanted her to control when I get out. As a dominant or just simply as my wife. I told her I did struggle with porn. Well, she really took to it, and 4 days later she is the center of my universe. A few flirtatious looks from her or kissing and I'm totally in lust with her. (or course I'm locked and can't do anything, but take care of HER) I tried looking at porn lately and it does nothing for me. But one touch from her... and I'm ready to go. My satisfaction will be at her choosing, and then I'll be locked back up. She keeps the key.
2007-12-18 03:47:42 · answer #4 · answered by lamontcranston2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
youre asking the wrong question. there isnt a cure, per se, because porn isnt an addiction. lemme explain: hormones drive us toward sexual stimulation; sexual stimulation gives us release of tension and satisfies an urge, while also giving us pleasure in the process; your man turns to porn just the same way people want to eat when stressed or bored - a quick route to pleasure.
u stated that he masturbates to porn when youre not around. makes perfect sense. youre not there and so he seeks out another path to sexual release. the GUILT he feels is in learned social mores. he feels guilty because porn is considered dirty (smut), and cuz he is deriving sexual stimulation from watching other women (infidelity).
no matter what u try to do (sexier outfits, kinkier sex, group sex, etc) it will fail to outdo his interest in porn for one simple reason: the two r not in the same category of sex. there is only one activity u can perform that will compare to porn, and that is voyeurism: having your man watch u or other women in sexual play, allowing him the outsiders view of sexual action. however, it will still not equal porn because in voyeurism the "watcher" is directly connected to the sexual act (unless the sexual participants r not aware of the watcher, i.e. peeping tom), and therefore he doesnt have the advantage of detachment, which allows for a "purer" sexual pleasure, unadulterated by emotion.
as long as his fondness for porn doesnt interfere with the sex between u two, then i dont see any reason why this should be a problem. id say consider yourself lucky that he is being honest about his lust for porn. the only real difference between your man and the rest of the men in this world is simply that your man admits his inclination toward pornography, while others simply do it in secret.
the only thing that needs to be fixed here is his sense of guilt. let him know theres nothing wrong with him. theres nothing wrong with liking porn as long as it goes no further than masturbation.
2007-12-16 15:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by Jason 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There arew all kinds of addictions. Sex addiction is one of them. There are groups in the bigger cities that deal with sex addiction. Has he ever tried seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist, they do a great job on behavioral addictions.
I think that the more we regret what we do the more we end up thinking about it and the more we do it. Guilt makes things worse. I appreciate you wanting to do all you can to help but changing who you are to suit his addiction just rewards him for negative behavior. It gives him power over you, and deminishes your self respect. The two of you need to get help with this issue, and he has to be willing to do whatever it takes to ovecome this addiction. His sense of guilt also gives you power over him. It is like you two are in a relationship based on power exchange. Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek a relationship counselor.
2007-12-15 07:34:49 · answer #6 · answered by Michael W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Check out the book "Every man's battle" by Stephen Arterburn. There is freedom available to those who will walk in the way.
2007-12-15 07:34:31 · answer #7 · answered by Lover of Blue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check out PornAddictHubby.com. Porn itself isn't bad - its all about balance. For you and for him. You can totally work things out but he has to want to get help reigning in things a bit.
2007-12-17 14:59:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is the last resort, and unfortunately not until you have spent many painful months even years (starting now) trying to reconcile the issue. Porn addiction is a disease, just like drugs or smoking or alcoholism. It must be treated as such. He needs to come to a realization that he has a problem, and begin the road to recovery. It is embarassing and a taboo subject in today's society, which makes it that much harder. Your role is to be supportive and help in any way you can. Only when there is no hope left should you even consider a divorce. It's gonna suck for you for a while, but the rewards are worth it. The time you have invested in him is worth saving. I really hope he can come to terms with his issues. Do your best to be loving and supportive, never accusing or demeaning. Once he goes on the defensive it's much more difficult to deal with. Keep the conversation open and flowing. Good luck in a crappy situation.
2016-04-09 05:12:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it, intervention (you tube hit in the making), watch it with him, you can buy a male chastity belt type thing from most sex stores. This will prevent anyone including himself to use his equipment and can be sort of kinky if u keep the key.
2007-12-15 07:36:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋