here is some more explanation about my question..I have been a relationship with a guy ( my current partner ) for about two years. We do have a great matual respectful/love relationship with eachother..we are not only partner but best friends as well and all things that should matter in a real relationship we do have them the best. BUT the only problem is, he is porn addicted and masterubte alot, when Im not around. I know that nobody is perfect and he has already honestly told me that, that how he suffers from it, and how it makes him feel bad after doing that so sincere.. we talked I tried to help him and did all I could do..I tried to bring more fun companis in our relationship..to be more sexier and even the way whores wear or things like that or do but still everything is the same..it hurts my feelings b/c I know he is not doing it on porpuse but still DOES. Just need some advice to know how to help him to quit this terrible habit.
2007-12-15 07:17:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I want a mature and logical advice. If your answer is "leave him" or things like that then just leave here pleas, it would'nt help. I want to help and save my relationship with a person who is my love and suffers. ..tnx
2007-12-15 07:19:31 · update #1
You are not gonna want to hear this, but here goes...
Porn and masturbation are NORMAL and HEALTHY. He does not do these things bc he doesnt like you or whatever, he does them bc it is NORMAL and HEALTHY. He does them when you are not around. Meaning he feels the need, you are not there to help out with that, so he fulfills the need. Porn and masturbation is a great alternative to sleeping with other people. Not to mention it is just healthy to have a sexual relationship with yourself.
It is the same as needing 'me' time. Do you not ever want to go shopping by yourself, or spend time alone? It is the same thing. He needs to spend alone time with just him and his penis. It is nothing against you.
He is more than likely saying he feels guilty about it because he knows that if he tells you he is doing it because he wants to you are going to freak out, get mad, start a fight and threaten to leave. He loves you and doesnt want that to happen. But he is not willing to give up his 'me' time, and why should he? Are you going to give up your 'me' time, no matter how you spend it.
In a guys mind, lieing to make you feel better is just easier than getting into a fight.
I also think you have self esteem, confidence and trust issues. I think you need to work onYOU first, and why this bothers you so much.
2007-12-15 08:15:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
2
2016-07-19 07:47:27 · answer #2 · answered by Caroline 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I don't think your love is suffering half as much as he is letting on. One of my ex's had this issue where we could have sex two or three times per day and he would still look at porn and masturbate another three or four. It became taxing to say the least. It's hurting you a lot more than it's hurting him, but if he doesn't want to stop it you can't make him. Since you somewhat approve of this habit of his (you don't want to leave so this concludes that you don't mind it all that much) and are doing all you can for him sexually and such, know that it isn't about you! This is for him to deal with, and there is only so much you can do. You can suggest therapy for him, but I doubt he'd bite. Sorry you're going through this!
2007-12-15 07:23:05 · answer #3 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is an addiction but he needs to be the one to help himself. He should be going into counceling and seeing why he has a problem with intamacy with his wife. He is being lazy and sexually gratifying himself. If he really wants help then he needs to get help. You on the other hand feel so sorry for him. He should be the one who is feeling sorry for you. He is making you feel unsexy and unwanted because he would rather gawk at porn and relieve himself then have a healthy loving sexual relationship with his wife. If he doesn't get help then what are you willing to do about it. You are missing out on a good sexual life because he prefers his hand and probably is so use to his hand that he can no longer have sex. You need to do some tough love otherwise he is going to continue to do this. Everyone masturbates and all men look at porn one way or another but when it becomes a problem then that is another story.
2007-12-15 07:34:50 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
why do you think its bad masturbation has been around as long as the earth has been around all men and all women9 even tho they say they don't) do it. in one form or another, wether they watch porn or just in their own minds think of how their husband or wife had sex with them last night or today, its a great stress reliver
don't know what you can do other then ask him when he thinks about masterbating maybe call you and you can talk to him and he will forget what he had planned on doing till you get home to help him.
2007-12-15 10:55:52 · answer #5 · answered by badgirlsbadboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Posting a question and then adding how you would like it to be answered leaves little leeway to those who would like to help you.
You will stay with this man no matter what. If he adds porn involving small children, will you still believe it's not his fault? He is making a choice. You are going along because you love him. Unless he makes a serious attempt to get help, things won't get better, they will get worse. Count on it.
If you continue to make excuses for him, then, sorry, you're the one that needs professional assessment, not him.
2007-12-15 07:41:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think he should try to go cold turkey. A person dieting shouldn't have chips and pop in their pantry. And a person trying to get off porn shouldn't have access to those videos. Maybe you should throw away the dvd's and movie channels that cater to sexaholics, unsubscribe to the magazines, lock the internet access and try to be there for him every minute that he's horny. Tell him that masturbation is a cheap imitation for the real experience of sex , and then when you are together, allow him to touch himself when he's finishing up so that he feels like he has control of his orgasm.
2007-12-15 07:34:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is something that the both of you can share by watching the porn as a form of foreplay prior to doing the deed. But in most cases the guy will be unwilling to share that part of his life with you and on top of that the porn may be offensive to you. For whatever reason many men like to keep this to himself. Many couple get into role playing. When I was married our favorite role play was for me to be the Big Bad Wolf and my spouse Lil Red Riding Hood. Just use your imagination in that area and it may or may not be something that would sway him from his addiction. Lastly, most remedies for addictions is intensive counseling if he is able to open that part of his life to a counselor and this should include his individual counseling and couple counseling. On the extremely negative side, many porn addicted men use the porn as their main form of relief and start to neglect their partner altogether due to developing a warped sense to their own sexuality.
2007-12-15 07:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
I'm still trying to find the problem? The man wants sex and you give it to him or your friend does with your blessing. He works and earns money so what if he spends it on phone sex. Its his money and his hobby. You do your job and keep him happy, clean the house and keep having his kids.
2016-04-09 05:11:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't qualified to deal with these problems and I don't get the idea he really wants help. I won't tell you to leave but I will tell you that because you want to stay, you need to get locked and loaded because your choice is going to have a lot of consequences that won't be pleasant.
2007-12-15 07:36:46 · answer #10 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋