~The Troubadour~ please comment?

Question

I truly don't think this is a very good poem, but I'd like to know what you all think.

Thanks in advance.

~The Troubadour~

Isn't it strange, the way we regret
The loss of what has hurt us yet?

One day I met a troubadour.
He was rather blunt, and my feelings were injured.
But it was just what I needed.

"You have a mind, you know what it's for.
Write me a poem filled with your heart.
But if you will not write well, do not ask me to praise it."

I wrote him my poems--I showed him half my soul.
He flattered, and smiled, and I walked away.
Friendliness worried me, and the day turned rainy.

I have learned that two bad halves do not make one whole.
I learned that I should not have stayed.
I should have left, and thus escaped;

And yet I linger where he may see me,
As a shadow, that has already said goodbye.
Oh, sometimes I whisper when the dusk's light is soft:

Thanks for the lessons on true strength and self-pity
Thanks for the friendship, poisoned by you or I.
Forgiveness to the one who poured the drops--

Let us both forget the one who drank.

Cleverlanding: I'm sorry if you were afraid that this poem was directed to you--it wasn't. I don't believe we've ever met, and this poem was not meant to be read by the person(s) it WAS written for.

Also, this poem is partially fictional. I have made assumptions and comparisons that were intended to relieve my personal feelings.

Sorry about any misunderstanding.

Answer 1

If this one has anything to do with me, then I think that pain was both of our minds' creation...I enjoyed your poem. I've never asked for a poem to be praised...I've asked for criticism beyond "this sucks".

...and (if this is about me)...my feelings weren't doing so well either. Nor, do I much like being referred to as a bad half, but hey; maybe I give off that impression occasionally when in the shadows.Your goodbye is returned with kindness.

I feel bad if friendliness worries you. I don't pity myself... externally perhaps. If this is who I think it is, I'm sorry that you thought that you meant no more than friendship to me.

I probably should've walked away without leaving this. But you should never feel a lack of love. I give it to all, but someone was served above the rest....

sorry, if i'm a pain in the chest

I'll write a goodbye poem, you'll have to tell me if you really want to see it's pain. Because I doubt I'll want to post it anywhere or think much about it.

Answer 2

I see in your sweet sounds and lovely flow Your metaphors and your alliteration The heights to which your poetry could go To capture some fine nuance of sensation. Your poetry's improved by leaps and bounds Accept my compliments on this blank verse You've mastered dear the rhythm and the sounds And now the simple rhyme you must rehearse. The heartbeat of your poem is slow and strong And yes, it seems that you have much to say, If you persist I know it won't be long Before you've spread your wings and flown away. When sad remembrance falls, and all thought bends, Remember better days, when we were friends.

Answer 3

You're right, it isn't a very good poem, but it's also not a very bad poem either. I liked what you said, and the message it conveyed touched me deeply. The word flow was a little jerky, but after reading your previous work, I know you can clean it up with no problem. I hope much of it was fictional, and that the subject of this poem was not the reason you took a sabatical from us. Welcome back, you were missed terribly.

Dondi

Answer 4

I like the latter half much better that the beginning part.

Keep writing! : )

Answer 5

Lots of grand line usage in this, deep unique style...

Pen on my friend @)~>~

Answer 6

It's not bad, you've done better, but at any rate, I liked it.

Answer 7

I like it.

Answer 8

Hmm...let's see;

I love it!

Answer 9

Im not sure. in fact i am, I dont like it.