My husband and I were on the verge of divorce less than six months ago but decided to try and make it work. There are some insecurities lingering because of the what we went thru. I don't go out with friends like I used to for two reasons, one to make us stronger and two because I get more enjoyment out of being w/ him than hanging out with them. My friends took me to a bar last month for my b-day and just to reassure him I called a few times and texted him to let him know he was on my mind. Yesterday was his holiday wrk party and I've been pretty sick lately and he said he would call to check on me since he doesn't have a cell for me to reach him. Well he didn't and it upset me, I'm not feeling well and he goes 7 hrs without so much as a how are you, did the kids get home safe nothing. Am I being over dramatic? Seriously I am hurt but wonder if I'm over-reacting.
2007-12-15 06:15:26 · 17 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just thinking...when ur trying to work on a hurt marriage, extra steps count for a lot, right? Just doing what u said or going that extra inch to show you are IN IT to make it work
2007-12-15 06:31:14 · update #1
My wife and I are in an eerily similar situation... almost broke up about 5 months ago, but decided to try to make it work, and are now in marriage counseling. I know about the lingering insecurity issue. I think in situations like ours, that lingering insecurity can easily get out of hand and make us feel more strongly than we should about things.
Speaking as someone who very much understands your situation, I think this is kind of what is happening for you. Not to say that you shouldn't be upset at all. You should tell him how you feel, but calmly, and don't make a huge deal out of it. I know, I've been there. Recently. Just keep the communication lines open and don't let the feeling linger.
2007-12-15 06:21:56 · answer #1 · answered by CST 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
You gave him reassurance when you went out with friends, but yesterday he missed it doing to you when he went out with friends.
You have reason to get upset, but, just leave it. Sometimes we need to grow a bit bigger and behave as if certain things did not happen.
You can tell him that you would have been happy and more reassured if he had called atleast once, but, you are sure it must have been because he was tied up with something. This will give him 3 messages, that you were hurt, that you didnt make it an issue and that you expect the next time he wont do such things.
Keep it as simple as that. No blames, no abuses, no "i did it, you did not do." What you want is a reassurane from him always not a score sheet of who did what or who did not. And you are sure you dont want to reach another separation state.
Take care.. You will do fine..
Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year to You and Him..
2007-12-15 14:31:09 · answer #2 · answered by doer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. You should be able to have reciprocal respect. You are not asking for anything that you wouldn't and haven't done, and, he apparently gave you every reason to believe he would. This being said, we all have our flaws. If you know you cannot depend on him to follow through with courteous behavior and there is no other issue other than that, you must either resolve to find someone who will give to you as much as you give to them, or, choose to forgive him each and every time you feel he has slighted you. Be forewarned, those who will reciprocate your willingness to take feelings into account are few and far between and there are many who's issues are much more serious than those you describe in your husband. Forgiveness is the most important skill you will ever acquire and requires a lot of practice to perfect. Once well versed in it though, your life will be much fuller of enjoyment of the good things than bitterness over the bad. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-12-15 14:26:59 · answer #3 · answered by Pee Amigo No 3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been in a marriage/relationship and have kids then the answer to your question is YES - you are over reacting.
However, reading between the lines, it seems that you are really insecure about your marriage. I'm guessing that there's been some serious breach of trust issues.
Just hang on and be generous with each another and you'll be fine.
Good luck!
2007-12-15 15:28:00 · answer #4 · answered by KI557 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're over reacting. If the situation was reversed, he would really be upset that you didn't even call in 7 hours and he would've definitley think you was up to no good. You must demand the same respect that you show him, let him know that what he did upset you you so he want try that again!!!
2007-12-15 14:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by Beauty101 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all you need to let us know why you were on the rocks in the first place. I don't know how long you all have been together but you need to let him go a little. Hell, I wish my man wouldn't call me as much as he does. I have been with the same man for 4 years and we are not married however we are engaged. We have never had a cheating problem because we trust one another. Men don't really understand that you need them to check on you especially if you are the one always taking care of them. You just need to calm down because if you get mad over this it will cause more problems. If he seems to care sometimes how you are feeling then you are doing good. As long as he comes home to you every night and you love eachother and are happy what is the problem. Just enjoy talking to eachother and spending time with him. You need time apart so go out with your friends. You all have the rest of your life to spend time together and if you get burned out on him now it will not last as long. You should go out with your friends as well as he should have fun with his friends. Just trust oneanother and be friends as well as lovers. There is nothing to worry about as long as you love oneanother and are truthfull. If his not calling to check on you bothers you that much talk to him about it but be nice about yelling will just get him mad at you and vice versa. Be civilized and friendly and everything will be ok.
2007-12-15 14:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by punky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, he said he was going to do something and he didn't. You have a right to be displeased and let him know it and tell him you're going to be upset if he does something like that again. But unless this becomes a pattern, where he's always not calling when he says he will, I think you've got to find a way to just let it go.
2007-12-15 14:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by Ambivalence 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you're sick it's easier to let things get you down. Sure, if your husband said he would call you then he should have done it, but maybe he meant to and got caught up in talking with all of the people at work and forgot about it. If you guys want to have a great marriage you should consider checking out Making Marriage Work by Paul Sheppard @ http://www.enduringtruth.org/store/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=771776
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2007-12-15 14:21:39 · answer #8 · answered by Martin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably over-reacting a little, but I understand where you're coming from. Don't forget that guys can sometimes come off as insensitive without meaning to. Especially since he didn't have a cell phone available to him, it probably just wasn't convenient for him to call you. Give the guy a break.
2007-12-15 14:19:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Think how he feels when you told him you want your marriage to work then you hang out at a bar. How is that helping your marriage?
2007-12-15 14:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋