Recently my girlfriend of 7 years and I got married. Since then, our sex life has dwindled substantially. She seems less interested, but when we talk about it, she says she is interested. Coinciding, she has found other interests that take up a larger part of her life, and so sex isn't much of a priority anymore. Again, when we discuss it, she says it is. Additionally, a few months ago I had a difficult situation about leaving my job. I have since left, and although I haven't established my business fully, I am heading in the right direction and feeling happy. When it comes to times that we would normally have sex, she doesn't act interested or give me any signs or cozy up to me. Also, when I kiss her, she often pulls away quickly (and I don't have bad breath). After this new distance, I feel drawn to her more and more, which makes things worse. As well, I can't leave her because I am step-father to her son. I am attractive and women smile at me in the street. What do I do?
2007-12-15 06:07:22 · 19 answers · asked by CharlieC 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all the responses so far. Just as a note, I cook, clean, run errands, look after her son (our son), and massage her daily. I'm surprised by the number of stereotypical comments about men. I'm one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. My wife and I have a great friendship as well, and I'm NOT looking for an excuse to sleep with other women -- that would be the least desired option. I just want the romance back. I'm attentive, affectionate, and I spend lots of time with her. I tell her she's pretty, all those things. She's really happy, there's just no sex.
2007-12-15 06:49:00 · update #1
I bet it's a money thing and since she has a child she's thinking how am I going to take care of him money is a big thing for me because if my children didn't have stability in their lives I'd make sure to do whatever it took to get them that and she may be looking at you as sorry to say someone who isn't providing and therefor most be eliminated.
2007-12-15 06:13:27 · answer #1 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Question: How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
Answer: Marry her!
Seriously, while you were dating, it was important for her to keep you happy sexually, because you could leave at any time. Once you married her, it became less important. You're not going anywhere without it costing you 1/2 of everything you own, so she has the upper hand. There may be other things going on as well. I'm sure when she wants a baby, your sex life will improve until she get pregnant.
If it is a serious problem in the marriage already, I would suggest marriage counseling. If that doesn't help, you may want to get out of the marriage now before there are any kids to consider, and before she has a claim to any more of your future earnings...
2007-12-15 06:33:30 · answer #2 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume this is in comparison to how often you had sex the prior 7 years? Many women, unfortunately, feel that once married, they no longer have to do the same things they did to "catch a man". How wrong they are. Once you catch him you have to keep him and regular sex is still the best way (plus continuing to look as good as you did while dating). Meanwhile, what are YOU doing to put her in the mood? Because if you're "traditional" and letting your wife cook, clean, take care of the kids and all you do is earn the money then you're not right, either. Wash the dishes while she puts the kid to bed. Vacuum the house while she's grocery shopping. Cheating on your sexually unresponsive wife won't do anything but make you single again. However, maybe if you TELL her that you're so sexually frustrated that you're feeling complimented by smiling women and you fear what could happen next she'll get the hint and get into it like before. Good luck.
2007-12-15 06:20:59 · answer #3 · answered by clearentertainermanagement 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because she isn't giving you any, doesn't mean you can start a relationship with someone else or leave her. TALK TO HER and find out what is going on. Do sexual things with her like watch porn. It turns on most women and when ur ready to do it, she will be ready, if you know what I mean. Make an appointment with her during the day, after work, and sit down at the kitchen table and talk about your sex life. Let her know how you feel and what is lacking. Don't blame her for anything and try not to let the conversation become a fight. If you be genuine and patient with her in the way you talk, she will be able to open up to you easily and you will be able to understand how she is feeling about the topic. If it still goes on, after numerous tries and months, you might want to see a couple's sex therapist. But do not cheat on her because that is the lowest thing a person can do.
P.S. Speak without offending, and listen without defending..
2007-12-15 06:16:09 · answer #4 · answered by mah_babez02 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your loving relationship ended the second you said "I DO". It is over. Some people realize this weeks after some lie to themselves and realize it years later. Some lie to themselves until they are dead. Marriage destroys all relationships no matter how great they were. I bet you one million dollars if she never had that wedding cake you would still be having sex everyday!!! The problem with your situation is you have a child. If you can deal with visiting your child then get divorced if you can't get a mistress so you can have all the sex you want. This is why all men cheat. Happy Holidays.
2007-12-15 07:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you WANT to hear that it's okay to get sex from elsewhere because your wife isn't there for you. And, that's exactly what many, many men in your situation do. It will be, definitely, the beginning of the end of your marriage if you make that choice, even if you keep it a secret. So, it's not really up to her, it's up to you. Try this: Tell her she's pretty. Touch her when you walk by her. Make her laugh out loud. Smile at her and when she asks tell her she makes you happy. You will be amazed what these little things do to make her suddenly want you again...and appreciate having you. You'll both be happy.
2007-12-15 06:14:21 · answer #6 · answered by Beach Girl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seems like you're having a temper tantrum here because you're not getting as much se as you'd like. Could be that you're not nurturing your relationship with her in other areas, or since your absense she feels disconnected to you.
Take focus off of sex and rediscover your wife and let her rediscover you. You feel a sense of obligation to your stepson, so where is the obligation to make your marriage work at all costs? You're more concerned about your own libido than you are about how your wife may be feeling. You're not around as much---could it be that she feels neglected and empty? Make it more about her and less about what you're getting and you may surprise yourself!
2007-12-15 06:13:26 · answer #7 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You got married and still expected to continue a great sex life??
It is rare, but can happen - I guess you're out of luck.
I suspect you'll have to learn to be self sufficient until you can persuade her to change.
2007-12-15 06:14:24 · answer #8 · answered by MikeD2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude one night plan to have sex on you behalf not hers don't tell her anything yoour planning and when that night come if she still isn't interested maybe she interested with someone else. Or you could sit down like to adults and express your feeling on lack of sex
2007-12-15 06:15:09 · answer #9 · answered by hot14a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try doing new things... like... introducing food into your sex life....getting creating... dominate her...if she likes that haha.... just try and do new things, and maybe sex will get a little more excited. You're a good guy that you are putting up with it. And i hope you get some soon! haha
2007-12-15 06:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋