I know that I should talk to a counselor, but my husband does not know of my feelings for someone else at work. He's been suspecting me because lately I've taken a lot of care into how I look. We're supposed to start IVF soon, and I'm contemplating if I should go through it or if I should just freeze my eggs now and use them later when I know for sure I am ready.
I think if I tell him, he will be crushed, and I don't know what he would do to me physically. He says he would kill me if I ever leave him, but I never took it seriously. Nothing has happened between me and this other man, except that I know I have fallen for him. I think about him 24/7. I think that he has feelings for me too, but since we're both married, we just haven't put anything into action.
2007-12-15 05:54:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is a fantasy, sweetie. Leave it at that. Why wreck your marriage and the marriage of a co worker?
Also, remember, what a cheater does WITH you, he will do TO you.
2007-12-15 05:59:28 · answer #1 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are not certain about your feelings for your husband, for God's sake, don't put him through the expense of IVR, plus the cost of child support for the next 18 years. That would be the most evil and selfish thing you could do to him. Why would you even consider doing such a thing to him and to your future child?
You are infatuated with this man at work, not in love. Lover requires a lot of time getting to know each other, having shared goals and beliefs, etc. If you have been preparing for IVR, it may be that your hormones are all screwed up. Regardless, you should think long and hard before leaving your husband or pursuing an affair with this man. Just keep in mind, if this man will cheat with you on his current wife, he will cheat on you with another woman if you are ever married. Why would women want to leave a man who is faithful to her for a man that she already knows will commit adultery? Why would you risk you marriage for a man that you are not even sure has any feelings for you other than as a friend and co-worker?
I definitely think counseling is appropriate. And for heaven's sake, DON'T GET PREGNANT!
2007-12-15 06:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have emotions for another man, and that's enough to end your marriage over? love is not, and never has been, an emotion. or a feeling. emotions and feelings fade. and thought I do feel sorry for you if you thought your emotions for your husband were love and would last, you can't be seriously thinking about leaving your husband for some random other man you happen to have emotions for right now. or cheating on your husband just because your ever changing emotions make you feel like it. I don't know about him killing you, but if he's that controling you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. and if that's the kind of guy you fall for, you should get out now and take a break from relationships until you can figure out what you want, exactly, in a life long partner. if he's controling and abusive, get out now. if he's not, he was probably just talking about how angry and hurt he would be if you left him, and if that's the case, consider how it would make him feel. and if you left him he wouldn't kill you, just hate you for the rest of your life. You need to stop and think about what you are trying to give up for a momentary good feeling from another man. emotions and feelings don't last. don't give up a marriage just for something that is going to fade.
2007-12-15 06:15:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men read this carefully and NEVER GET MARRIED. She is still thinking of going through the IVF?!?!?! Don't worry he won't be that crushed you obviously haven't learned the facts of life yet maybe his mistress is waiting for him:
1. There is no Santa
2. There might be a Bigfoot
3. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
4. Marriage ruins relationships (moving in is the same)
5. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
6. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth. You can ask me anything.
I don't lie.
2007-12-15 07:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, first.........is it your funds who will be paying for the IVF? Or your hubbys'? IF he's paying for it, it's your place to be forthright and tell him before this happens. Why should he pay for you to have someone elses baby?
It's obvious you don't mind breaking up your own marriage and not even really sure how this other man really feels about you, so why would you want to also break up his marriage? Your a very selfish person aren't you?
Is it possible to maybe stop your feelings for this other man before you end up hurting not only your hubby but his wife too? It will serve you right if you do happen to bed this other guy and it's all he really wants is a one time thing.
2007-12-15 06:13:49 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure if your goal is to get a divorce and be with the other person. If your goal is to get your husbands attention and let him know somethings missing from your marriage then NO!
If there's any hope for your marriage don't bring up your feelings for someone else. Instead concentrate on the reasons why your not having those feelings for your husband and your marriage.
2007-12-15 06:00:20 · answer #6 · answered by Leaveamark 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there are not words to describe your self delusion. you are truly a scary person. that ivf you so brazenly refer to is actually another life you are messing with. your husband is a grown up, he will be fine when you break up with him, i doubt he will actually care. so, he can handle himself as to your selfishness just fine. but you are talking about bringing an innocent child into the world. someone like you is not meant to be a mother. that you on one hand are talking about taking extraordinary, possibly health destroying steps to have a baby with some poor dumb guy you are secretly cheating on, and on the other hand thinking some married creep is going to do something, ever, for you. uh, no. you are truly truly sad. please dont have any babies. as for the cheating, i dont care, cause you sure dont. care. about things like honesty, faithfullness, trust, honor, truth, ever hear of those??? i pity your husband. karma, look it up, cause it has a way of finding people like you.
2007-12-15 06:57:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget about the guy at work, and quit trying to impress him. Start doing things like that for your husband. And no, don't tell him. Once you have those feelings for your husband and not this other guy, you'll have crushed your husband for nothing.
2007-12-15 06:07:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure it's not just infatuation? This happens a lot with co-workers. It's just fun to have that kind of flirty thing going on at the office. then if you two ever did hook up it wouldn't be what you thought.
2007-12-15 05:59:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK... yes, you need to talk to your counselor and your husband as well... Your fantasizing about coworker is just that, fantasy... they all look good and perfect at first... you made a commitment to your man, you should honor it....and don't have babies with him until you know what's going on with you two...
2007-12-15 05:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by This is what I think 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋